The immaculate consumption is coming to an end.
Don’t you folks feel a little nervous about the news that there won’t be any more virgin stores here in the U.S.?
The main reason the terrorists hate us is because we have virgin stores where we buy our virgins. People living in Arabia and other places usually have to undergo a horrific death in order to get to see some virgins.
We’ll be losing more than just a retail outlet when the virgins stores are shuttered later this year. We’ll be losing a place for virgins, as well as nerds, geeks, dweebs and freaks to commune in their all black gothic gear or their multi-colored skinny jeans.
Where will all the virgins with pierced lower lips and tattoo sleeves get together to listen to Kings Of Leon? BTW, copp that!
So much of our identity as Americans is wrapped up around our consumption of the things that entertain us. I’m lucky enough to live in an area where I can go to a huge library or museum or even an off-Broadway performance to satisfy my need to commune with others, but for those of you living in regions that are lacking the cultural communal options that I have you may just be forced to following the arabic method of getting yourself next to some virgins.
In America, the big box store is our temple of consume, our mosque to marketing, our church of cha-ching.
The mall is our cathedral to commerce.
Fuck you sons of BERNARD MADOFF for snitching on the golden calf.
