Archive for the ‘Harpers Weekly Review’ Category

Winter Is XTRA Cold In Tha ‘D’

Friday, November 28th, 2008

tha d

With the Lions being the NFL’s worst team of all time and the Pistons being reduced to a non factor in the Association I imagine that this could be one of the coldest winters evar in the ‘D’. Winning sports franchises play a part in keeping the crime rate in check. At least the rate of domestic abuse stays down.

What doesn’t help curb violence in Detroit is the fact that so many people have CPL’s. Better know as concealed pistol licenses, CPL’s are more widespread in Detroit than car insurance cards. But just because you have a license to ill doesn’t mean that you can just get all bucktown any damn place.

If you were wondering whterher you could still shoot shit up at a funeral the answer would be yes, but you can not bring your gat inside of a church with the presiding elder’s signed permission. Peep all the rules and regs for carrying your heatmakers and hellraisers with you throughout the ‘D’. Have a healthy and safe holiday season.

Pistol-Free Zones

I just had to run this video again…

PIRATES OF THE COMMERCIAL BANKING SYSTEM…

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008

pirate

How in the hell did CitiBank just come up in the game like that? Was it like “Boo hoo, our pockets is flat.” Or was it like, “G’z up! This is a jack move sonn!” I would prA’li expect the latter. You don’t get billions of dollars on some bitchmade whiny boy bullshit. Look what that got General Motors. Nathan. And not even a Coney Island frankfurter.

You might imagine that in some back room in the Capitol building Congressmen are being held up by their ankles and punched in their guts by Blackwater mercenaries hired by Citibank. Nahh, it’s more like dudes are catching the love love on some tri-lateral pyramid kickback scheme that is so convoluted and complicated that I couldn’t even begin to break it down for y’all.

Not that I’d want Blackwater mercenaries, er, contractors kicking in my door anyhoo.

Full Disclosure: My co-op’s mortgage is through CitiBank. I’m secretly hoping I can stop paying this shit as part of the bailout plan.

Caribou Barbie Won’t Go Away…

Monday, November 24th, 2008

palin


Which one of these dolls has nothing inside of their head?

I am praying to everything just and fair in the universe that I will not be forced to hear or read the thoughts of SARAH PALIN after the purported due date of BRISTOL PALIN in December. But the way in which the mainstream media is gobbling up her life story right now I think my wish won’t be answered.

SARAH PALIN has been transformed into a megawatt celebrity while she subtlely erodes the advancement of women. SARAH wins on her charm, her smile, her winks at the camera. Political savvy? Not so much. Policy substance? Not at all. Her idea of family values has been to throw her daughter under the bus and to sequester her daughter’s boyfriend while she shoots at the biggest moose of all.

We just elected one of the highest achieving people ever in politics. Can’t the Republicans find someone that graduated from an Ivy league school like Yale or something?

Oh… Yeah.

dubbz

Paper Chasing…

Friday, November 21st, 2008

krona

Were you one of the folks that invested in foreign currency? When the British Sterling starts taking a nosedive then you know something wicked this way comes. Me personally, I was fucking with Iceland behind that whole shit about Greenland being covered with ice while Iceland was lush and green.

If G DUBBZ had declared martial law or whatever I was taking my sneakers and my action figures to Reykjavík the capital city. I was hoping all those years of reading The Mighty Thor comics would help me pronounce some of the people’s names. Iceland was rated the world’s most developed nation and like in the top five as far as production per capita. That is pretty fucking awesome that I can marry my Angela Bassett blow up doll and it isn’t a problem.

This is the kind of freedom that comes to places that have no religious fundamentalism. Iceland was originally settled by Irish monks, but later some norsemen came to the island and killed off the monks. Good shit Thor.

Everything was cooked with curry until the news dropped earlier this month that Iceland’s economy was even more fucked the fuck up than ours. How the hell did this shit happen? I think this society was a little too liberal. Investing in automobiles powered by assfarts seems magnanimously fuel efficient but ridiculously unbuildable. Investments like the one I just mentioned would be Iceland’s undoing. Now this model country is on the brink of bankruptcy.

The sexy plot twist in all of this is how many British and Dutch officials have their life savings stashed away in Icelandic banks. A major meltdown where these customers could no longer access their money would be the moment that the biodegradable organic waste products hit the proverbial air oscillating device. There would surely have been hell to pay. I’m glad now that I didn’t pack my bags for sunny Vestmannaeyjar. It looks like the Icelanders may not have a pot to piss in.

The question I have now is how the fuck can they afford all of these vowels?

Got Lay-A-Way?

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008

lay a way

Lay-A-Way figurine available at Black Art Visions. No, really.

The mainstream media is writing about the surge in the Lay-A-Way practice on the retail level because our economy is so fucked the fuck up that now even white is taking advantage of this. Black folks done been using Lay-A-Way since forever.

You ever heard of Rent-A-Center?

This is how the poor and disenfranchised stay winning, and by winning I of course mean losing. Interest rates and fees that are even higher than those imposed by credit cards are what the poor have had to accept in order to taste some of the high life they imagine the wealthy have access to. The poor pays nearly twice the amount for furniture and flat screen televisions that the middle class pays. For all we know the wealthy get this shit for free.

I have used Lay-A-Way many times and I am not ashamed to admit it. By the time I was too old to steal shit from stores I was buying it on Lay-A-Way. There used to be a pretty good deal on Lay-A-Way items through the TJX Corporation (Marshall’s, TJ Maxx, & A.J. Wright) until they switched up their store policies. PrA’li because of me is what I like to think.

I used to put shit on Lay-A-Way that was due to be marked down. $200 worth of shit could be held up for a month with only $20. Right before the end of the month I would take the items and do a second Lay-A-Way ticket. I had to perform some shenanigans on my side to accomplish this, but after almost 60 days those items were all marked down at least once. Some of them even received a double markdown. The double markdown is the menage a’trois of retail shopping.

For $10 in Lay-A-Way fees I was getting $200 of shit for less than a $100. Those were the days that I gave a fuck. I don’t care so much anymore because retail shopping is pretty much dead unless you can make an adventure out of the process. Now if I go into a Marshall’s or a TJ Maxx or any store I walk directly to the ‘Clearance’ section. I can always find something there without too much of a fuss and my retail addiction is satiated. I’m glad for white that they are finally finding out about Lay-A-Way. I just wish they would return the favor and teach us how to switch SKU tickets.