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The Ten Albums I Will Take On The Mothership…

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

spaceman

‘Cuz when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Since today is the moment of truth for me here at XXL mag dot com I pulled down this drop that I have been holding in the “Drafts” queue for over a year. Rarely do you have the opportunity to leave someplace with your dignity fully intact. I am thankful for the chance I have had to politic with you all.

I keep these ten albums in a backpack by the front door so that when my spaceship calls me I can just grab them up and get on board. See you all on the internets…

Only Built For Cuban Linx – The G.O.A.T. rap album, even ahead of that NaS joint. OB4CL > all trap-rap gangster fantasy lifestyle records. All of them.

The Low End Theory – There are too many Native Tongue albums to choose from. What sealed the deal for me was that this is the joint that ‘Scenario’ was on.

Fear Of A Black Planet – Public Enemy would chop fifty samples to make ONE track. You would need an entire office of ASCAP lawyers to do that shit today. The Bomb Squad irrevocably shifted the soundscape of pop music. Chuck D is the most hardbody rhymer of all time.

Giant Steps – My favorite Coltrane album that helps me focus. When I am sitting awake in my apartment at 5am and I am writing shit until my fingers tighten up in a diabetic arthritic knot I think about ‘Trane and his resilience. There is definitely something better on the other side.

AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted – The only rap album I could ever recite from front to back.

Graduation – This CD was built for space travel. Bring your own robot though.

Ready To Die – Thank GOD that he is already dead. I would hate for his legacy to be tarnished by a voicebox vocoder single with Diddy on the hook.

Chameleon – The group LaBelle were like Sirenes mashed up with the intensity of the Stygian witches and the beauty of the Supremes. When Nona Hendryx wrote the line “nobody seems to mind that the water is rising high” in 1975 for ‘Who’s Watching The Watcher?’ I thought that these ladies had time traveled to New Orleans 2005. If you don’t know about these three fierce bitches, now you know.

Innervisions – Copp this album. Not now, right now. ‘Too High’, ‘Living For The City’, ‘All In Love Is Fair’, ‘Higher Ground’. This album is ALL hits.

Mothership Connection – How are you going to get on the mothership without this classic album? Swing down sweet chariot and let me ride.

spacegirl

Posted in Billy Sunday @ XXL, Ghetto Celebs, When I Reminisce... | 15 Comments »

Got Milk?

Monday, May 19th, 2008

ross titties

So this is why XXL can’t pay me on time?

Harris Publications is apparently too busy milking Rick Ross’ boobies.

Posted in Billy Sunday @ XXL, Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, H.A.M., No Boutros Boutros... Ghali | 16 Comments »

EFF TV’s 10 Worst Rappers…

Friday, May 16th, 2008

foxy

Just because I’m using my crack’dberry doesn’t mean that I won’t bring you the latest news from world of cRap music. MTV still imagines their brand is a relevant barometer for the Hip-Hop generation so they produced a program called the 10 Hottest Rappers.

Yawn

If you were somehow under a rock and you don’t own a radio then this programming might be useful for you. But for anyone else that isn’t a 13yr old white girl from the suburbs you already know the deal.

I want to launch a brand of internets videos called EFF TV. Its time to put some realness back into reality programming. Who the fuck cares who the hottest rapper is? That shit sounds like something Paris Hilton cares about. I care about who the worst rappers are. Who are the people that grab the mic and make you wish that Mike Tyson had bitten both of your ears off just so you wouldn’t have to listen to their bullshit. Here’s a list of the worst rappers in the game right now.

1) Foxy Brown – The brown fox has spent so much time in the box she needs to kicks rocks from rapping.

2) Soulja Boy Tell’em – Despite the fact that he might be selling more records than Wu Tang and DeLa Soul combined this dude has zero point zero rapping ability.

3) Jim Jones – Why is he still releasing records? Who is buying that shit? Don’t let me find out that iFux and El Gringo Colombiano bought the two copies of ‘Harlem Gangster’?

4) Lloyd Banks – Banks get worse and worse each year. Tony Yayo is now better than him.

5) Remy Martin – Eight years in prison will push her into the number one slot.

6) Tupac – The G.W.O.A.T.

7) Lil’ Wayne – You already know he is on his way to the hall of fame for cRappers. I mean crappers.

8) Double O – Word on the streets is that the Kids In The Hall beatmaker rhymes worse than DJ Premier.

9) T-Pain – This dude has singlehandedly ruined both rap and R&B with that gotdamn voice modulator.

10) Jermaine Dupri – Possibly the most potent combination of lackluster lyrics and swaggerjacked production since P Diddy.

janet

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Billy Sunday @ XXL, Black Bullshit, Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Wig Owners | 11 Comments »

Northern Exposure…

Monday, May 5th, 2008

BILLY X. SUNDAY says, “Tara Henley stand up!”

Me and my lady took a long weekend to visit Montreal. The rail fare was pretty damn cheap and you can’t beat the view on the train as you ride alongside the Hudson River due north. I kind of forgot about my cares as I peeped tiny upstate New York towns with farms and horses and the what not. The bucolic scenery had me in a daze until we arrived at the Canadian border. I was questioned by several customs officers about my business in Canada. I thought this was a joke on some “We already have enough Black people” type shit. Truth was that these niggas were holding a passenger manifest and on that printout it displayed my arrest record.

Damn. I thought these dudes were gonna send me back to NYC, but they figured that since my last conviction was in 1993 that I wouldn’t be too much of a problem. Shit done changed since September 11th, 2001. Everything done changed. The way we travel abroad, up to the music we listen to on our iPods. I was on some Native Tongues shit while walking around Montreal. It’s a backpacker city so I figured that I’d let some backpacker music be my soundtrack.

Montreal is an interesting city. It’s a lot more like America than its counterpart Toronto. Montreal is a lot dirtier than Toronto. You could eat off the ground in Toronto, not so much in Montreal. It felt like a college town, except niggas spoke French, and there weren’t any niggers. There was a handful of mulattos, but I didn’t see any real Black folks. You know, the kind that have DNA from two Black parents. The biggest rapper in Montreal was one of these halfBlack dudes (is anyone keeping score because lightskint is in the lead?). His rapper name is Cadence Weapon. I fucks with dude because he is on some Kid Cudi rhyme style. Like KanYe West and most pop rap acts nowadays you need to listen to sonn with shades on and a disco ball over your head. Still and all, this nigga rhymes better than Lil’ Wang every day of the week.

Cadence Weapon @ MySpace

Sometimes I fucks with rap dudes that don’t live in America. I got into this Nigerian cat from Brixton, England several years ago. Dude’s name is Ty Chijoke (score one for brownskin brothers). His album ‘Upwards’ featured live instruments played by Africans that used to tour with Fela Kuti. I know what your thinking. “But Sunday, don’t you HATE Africans for selling your great-great-grandparents to the white?” Yes, I do hate the Africans, but I love African music. Go figure. Fela Kuti is a fucking giant, and if you don’t know who he is you are definitely part of the problem with the world today. So as I was saying, I fucks with this cat Ty. This dude spits some real shit. Peep the track with him and Bahamadia on it.

Ty @ MySpace

I know I always speak of bringing a change to how we listen to rap and then becoming the change we want to bear witness to. There are artists that can give us that good food for our earlobes without preaching to us. Fuck with this cat Ty. He gets deep with his shit and the fact that he comes from Africa which is the most hardbody island next to England says a lot to me.

Posted in Billy Sunday @ XXL, Crappers, iNternets Celebrities, Social Upheaval | 15 Comments »