Archive for the ‘Fashion Faux Pas’ Category

MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 3)

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

I aint mad at'cha

Okay, its the third round now of the Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling contest and you humps have picked up the pace with your voting. Don’t be scared people, no one is going to come and get you. I can’t believe how scaredy y’all have become. I guess everybody is afraid of the boogeyman. Crap music boogeyman TUPAC is hosting this weeks’ contest. True story is that TUPAC and previous host, MARV ALBERT might have the same amount of hair.

You all know the drill by now. Each week this month four(4) contestants will compete to be the winner for that week’s Mugshot Hairstyle Model. During the final week in April we will have the runoff for the contest’s winner. The votes are being tallied from the comments left in each thread. Let your votes be based upon real factors like 1) style gulliness, 2) hair length and 3) model’s prior convictions.

So far we have ROBERT DeGRAFF and HARRY THOMPSON moving on the the final round. Only four more contestant profiles left to chose from after this round. Here are this weeks Mugshot Hairstyle Models…

young gunner KEVIN JEROME MITCHELL
In the world of Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling, KEVIN is a super-model. Take a listen to some of his previous experience… aggravated resisting of authorities, cocaine possession, driving without valid license, cannabis possession, attempt to elude authorities. What makes KEVIN’s career so promising is that he is only 21yrs old.

muggerlunch JONATHON DAVID WITTER
JONATHON is the Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling dark horse, literally and figuratively. JONATHON mugs people to pay for his haircare supplies.

badazz JAMALL CARL JOHNSON
Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling is just one of the steps that JAMALL will take on his way to his desired career. Mockneck modeling.

loverboy HUDSON BOSTIC ANDERSON
HUDSON is known to his friends and close acqaintances in his hometown of Tallahassee as ‘Redbone JESUS’. We think the nickname was given to him since his birthday is celebrated two days after that of our lord and savior. Redbone JESUS is one of the most diverse contestants to grace the Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling contest. A list of his prior work includes possession of cannabis, driving with suspended license, trespassing, resisting and obstructing authorities and here’s the kicker, unauthorized feeding of any wild American alligator/crocodile. Not too shabby my man HUDSON, not too shabby.

TUPAC > All Other Rappers Combined

Sunday, April 16th, 2006

tupac

Think about this… was getting shot as popular for rappers before ‘PAC did it?

Don’t cry too much for PROOF because at least he went out TUPAC style. All JAY-DEE could do was contract a rare blood disease. That’s not gangster enough for today’s rap audiences.

The jacking of TUPAC’s swagger has gone way too far this time.

bubbly pac

And now PEEDI CRACK is claiming to be the realest jigro left in the rap game. Somebody please get a gun.

CALGON, take me away...

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Saturday, April 15th, 2006

volcano

From deep in the center of the Earth I present to you, the DALLASPENN.COM ‘HEATROX SUPER 180’

heatrox

O.K. so maybe they’re not from the magma core of the planet but these joints are straight L.A.V.A. I copped them at the NIKE Design Studio. These joints are so fucking sick that I am hating on myself right now.

heatrox

I asked my cousin JEROME from Better Than Yours if he wanted to roll with the kid, but he was like, “Nahhh, that shiite is wack if they ain’t got no Jordans or S.B.’s.” I was like, “Nah pimpin’ this shit is the move. You can make your own NIKE’s with custom materials that aren’t even available at NIKE I.D. dot com.”

heatrox
heatrox

My cousin MR.KAMOJI was like, “What is the deal with this Design Studio jumpoff?” I was like, “Fam, these dudes are celebrating the history of the Air Max technology by allowing you customize several styles of retro Air Max I.T.’s” The A.M.1, the A.M. 90’s, the 95’s, 97’s and the 2003 joints along with the Air Max 180 are all being featured for this event.

heatrox
heatrox

I copped four(4) pairs already using the same colorway elements. Sport Red, Neon(yellow), Altitude(green), Graphite(grey) and Black are featured on each shoe that I designed. On each style of shoe that I created the one constant is that they all have their swoosh in Altitude. I choose a black leather print that was available only at the Design Studio. I named the series ‘HEAT ROX’ because they are fuckin’ fire flames! Wait ’til my dudes from SNEAKMOVE see the 90’s…

heatrox

NBA TIGHT PANTS N.Y.C. LEGENDS

Friday, April 14th, 2006

young head quarters

I need to give ISIAH THOMAS some credit for trying to bring New York City’s enigmatic prodigal son back to the city. Too bad the rest of his teammates mailed the season away back in October. A small measure of blame has to fall on the back of STEPHON ‘HEAD QUARTERS’ MARBURY for his inability to inspire his lockerroom mates to perform better. I also blame H.Q. for his own uninspired play under former N.Y.C. playground legend and Hall of Fame Coach LENNY WILKENS. Still I was hoping that another N.Y.C. legend might help H.Q. a/k/a STARBURY unlock the potential within that we all have imagined he had.

After a few seasons its become obvious that STARBURY couldn’t hold the umbrella or the Tight Pants jockstrap of Queens native MARK ‘ACTION’ JACKSON

action jackson

MARK JACKSON finally retired in 2004, after playing in the league for 17 seasons. He should be a lock for first ballot Hall of Fame status since he is second on the list for all time assists. JACKSON won Rookie of the Year honors in 1987 by setting the record for assists (868). MARK JACKSON bridged the gap from the Tight Pants era into the league’s current longshorts phase.

chris

One of MARK’s teammates during his fresman year at St. John’s University was then senior, CHRIS MULLIN. Another N.Y.C. high school standout who stayed in New York for his collegiate career, CHRIS MULLIN teamed up with a young MITCH RICHMOND and even younger TIM HARDAWAY to form one of the most potent offenses in league history. RUN-TMC was coached by DON NELSON, who incidentally had a turn at the helm of the Knicks.

kenny

KENNY ANDERSON was another Queens native that made it to the big show. ANDERSON was also the most hyped prep schooler until FELIPE LOPEZ hit the scene.

swee pea

Speaking of Queens, and talking about being over-hyped, there was a dude named LLOYD ‘SWEE PEA’ DANIELS whose career was almost finished before it even began. There is something about having potential and being from NYC that makes coaches and general managers hold on to some players way past their due dates.

hot rod

A player who lived up to the hype was ROD STRICKLAND, a teammate of MARK JACKSON’s when the Knicks drafted him in 1988. STRICKLAND was from the Bronx, but he chose to go to the second city and attend DePaul University after he graduated from Truman high school. JACKSON and STRICKLAND were both playground legends in N.Y.C. but neither of them had the street cred that my homie from Bed-Stuy had.

pearl & jimmy b

DWAYNE ‘PEARL’ WASHINGTON was an unstoppable scorer during his days at Boys (and Girls) high school and then up at Syracuse, but after the Nets drafted PEARL in the first round it was the beginning of the end for his playing days. At least PEARL always kept his Brooklyn swagger intact. Did you peep the orange and white low top Dunks?

MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 2)

Tuesday, April 11th, 2006

yesssssssss!

We will run another week or two of this contest even if you people are too shook to vote (use an assumed alias you cowards!).

The premise here is simple. Each week this month four(4) contestants will compete to be the winner for that week’s Mugshot Hairstyle Model. During the final week in April we will have the runoff for the contest’s winner. The votes are being tallied from the comments left in each thread. Let your votes be based upon real factors like 1) style gulliness, 2) hair length and 3) model’s prior convictions.

Vote or die you faggots. Here are this weeks Mugshot Hairstyle Models…

super mezzler DEVON DEWAYNE ANDREWS
DEVON wants to use his Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling career to open the doors for him to start working with the children. Preferably those under 12 years of age.

mezzler TIMOTHY J. LEITCH
TIMOTHY came to the Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling school as part of a twelve step probation program. TIM also likes to cook and collect seashells by the seashore

mezzler JULIAS LERON RUMPH
With a resume filled with items like resisting authorities, domestic battery and sale of cocaine you wonder where JULIAS finds the time to do his Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling. Looks like time is going to be something that JULIAS will have a lot of too. Five to fifteen years as a Mugshot Hairstyle Model

loverboy HARRY SESHAWN THOMPSON
HARRY loves the ladies, but not in a bad way is what he tells us. Ever since he got into Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling he admits that he hasn’t had to force himself onto people.