America’s gulliest city has proposed a menage-a-trois with the owner of this website, but I’m thinking he will decline what is obviously Philadelphia’s obsession with ‘brokeback’ love.
Didn’t they used to call Philly the ‘City of Brotherly Love’? Yeah, it’s all making sense to me now.
All you young people are all giddy because the ‘ass-snatcher’ from L.A. had a career game the other night. 81 points?!? KOBE couldn’t hold the jockstrap of the NBA Tight Pants Greatest of All Time Scorer.
WILT CHAMBERLAIN wasn’t just a great roundballer, he was arguably one of the greatest athletes of all time. At over seven feet tall and 275 lbs. he was fearsomely intimidating, but he had the agility and speed of players much smaller than he was. By the time he retired from the game he had been selected to the Tight Pants All Star team thirteen times, won two Tight Pants world championships (Philly and L.A.) and scored over thirty thousand Tight Pants points.
That’s not even counting how many times he scored off the court. WILT was a wild playboy who kept his Beverly Hills mansion filled with so many beautiful women that he was even the envy of publishing mogul Hugh Hefner. And unlike KOBE BRYANT, WILT wasn’t a dry-snitch. When WILT stood up to the opposition, he towered over it.
That’s why WILT CHAMBERLAIN was trusted to safeguard that sweeet white poohnahnee. He wasn’t going to try to azz rape that sweeet white goodness like JELLYBEAN’s son would.
WILT was a straight shooter and he scored a 100 points in a basketball game without ever even hitting a three-pointer. Let’s see if ‘rape-boy’ can top that.
I have nothing but love for JAMIE FOXX(no brokeback, of course). Ol’ boy is going ride that thang ’til the wheels fall off. And why not?!? I always considered JAMIE’s schtick to be the thinking Negro’s AMOS-n-ANDY.
Desperate azz NBC is giving JAMIE some primetime love tonight so he can promote his next single with a little help from some of his hoodrat friends. Anything to at least temporaryily derail the juggernaut that has become American Idol. I heard that JAMIE may try to give birth on stage. Be careful with these crazy jigs NBC, you do remember the X.F.L.?
Note to JAMIE; Please leave the goofy hats at your momma’s house
By signing a joint venture deal with DEF JAM Records, NASIR JONES has in effect given his rhymebook to SHAWN CARTER.
I hear that he also threw in his Adidas jacket.
When I am not sitting in my parents basement in my underwear sipping Crystal Light out of my special cup with the crazy straw I like to go outside. I am notorious for sitting in my underwear for an entire weekend because all I do is watch cartoons and look at internet porn. On the occasion that I might venture outdoors it is usually to get some Chinese food and visit the library.
The local Chinese kitchen in my parents neighborhood has a countertop that isn’t buttressed with the 12inch thick bulletproof glass and their fried rice has egg inside of it. The library has a pretty awesome colored peoples section with some rare joints by LANGSTON HUGHES, FRIDA KAHLO, bell hooks and GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ to name a few. Plus they have a scanner. So it pays for me to put some sweats on and amble my way around town.
So I stopped by the library today to scan some old pictures and pick up the original STAR WARS movie (to watch for the kajillionth time) and who do I run into? JESUS, the Son of Man.
GOD sent JESUS back to us as a Mexican because he knew we’d overlook him. Instead of carpentry, JESUS’ day job is at the Merrick Road service station across the street from the library.
I asked J what he was getting into today and he told me that he was just relaxing and taing it easy. He had picked up a spindle of CD-R’s from National Wholesale Liquidators and he was going to go home and burn some CD’s.
I saw that he was checking out a book too so I aked him who he was reading these days. Turns out the J of C was going to get into the JAMES FREY memoir ‘A Million Little Pieces’. I asked JESUS if he had heard about the controversy surrounding the book and how the account appears to be a largely fictional retelling of that period in his life. JESUS cracked a smile and asked me when was the last time that I read the bible, especially the New Testament. He said that there was a book that was rife with fictional exxageration to the point that if it were drafted today it could never be published. The point he said, was “the journey and the transformation. To recognise that one was part and parcel of a macro-web, with everyone and everything on the Earth at the same time essential and connected.”
Leave it up to a Mexican JESUS to wax all philosophically about a crappy book. J invited me back to his flat to chill out and download movies with him(no brokeback).
His buddy from Haiti, JEAN du’BAPTISTE, was in town with a brick of that sticky brown stuff, ifyouknowwhatImsayin, but I had to pass this time.
JESUS is cool as shit and he is still down for partying with the peoples.
