Archive for the ‘Hollyweird’ Category

What The Hell Elle Cool Ghey?!?

Monday, July 7th, 2008

ll

Stop playing!

Everyone here knows that Men’s Health magazine is even gheyer than Black Inches.

Pause to me even knowing the name of that magazine.

I once had a subscription to Men’s Health, but after I received my first issue I threw that shit in the garbage more determined to remain fat and subsequently hetero normal. There’s way too many nekkid men pictures in that mag. At some point you have to realize that the publisher is about to have you turn the page to see some dude whacking himself, or worse, his “spotter”. I don’t even look at dicks when I am enjoying my pr0n. Why the hell should I look at them when I am reading a magazine to find out which vegetables are high in potassium?

I’m pretty sure LL realized that his audience is now mostly men. All the chicks that came up when he was making hits like ‘I Need Love’ and ‘Around The Way Girl’ have all been married off. Chances are that any women still listening to commercial rap now are most likely dykey lesbians anyhoo. Who else would enjoy listening to the tales of women being humiliated? I don’t know, but I do know that LL is on the cover of a homo mag.

Aww ish, they even made a web video for this shit.

I don’t just say this because I am obese and poorly groomed either. LL could have made this same pose on the cover of Jet and I wouldn’t have said a damn thing. Ebony too. As a matter of fact, isn’t Ebony running a feature this month on the 25 coolest niggas Black men of all time? Don’t tell me LL didn’t make the cut? For crissakes, this nigga’s name IS cool!?!

This is some shit I would have expected that fruitsach WILL SMITH to try and get off. That fag even stars in a movie called ‘Handcock’. [ll] to the fact that I saw that movie this past weekend. Both of these dudes are definetly flambé though. Lightskinned dudes with no mustaches is supremely suspect. Steer clear of that shit if you can. There should be pictures somewhere of these dicks wearing wigs and with heels on. Those are the games that Hollywood plays. That is why I will stay fat and subsequently broke.

Yeah anyhoo, that is a way ghey magazine cover.

Is all I’m saying.

Mag cover swag jacked from BOSSIP.COM
Video link heisted from NAHRIGHT.COM

WIG OWNERS > WIG BRUSHERS: Big Hair Bands…

Monday, July 7th, 2008

prince

When the majority of folks think of rock music and hair bands their minds turn to groups like Whitesnake, Poison or Def Leppard. No one really considers that one of rock music’s greatest Wig Owners of all time is actually Prince. You can’t tell me that Prince doesn’t play rock music. And you certainly can’t argue that Prince doesn’t own hell’a wigs either.

Thanks to the magic of YouTube we can reminisce today on all of the great Wig Brushers that have become owners themselves under the tutelage of Prince.

Morris Day and The Time

time

The Time was the gold standard for Wig Brushers. These brothers threads were so mean and their basslines were so focused. The band’s percussionist (read: weedcarrier) even sported a bald head so you know he had to be thorough when it came time to get his brush on. A few years ago I saw the Time perform at the Brooklyn Academy of Music in honor of the 20th anniversary of the film ‘Purple Rain’. The band was still tight as fuck and Morris Day’s doo was fried, dyed and laid to the side, but the entire audience lost their shit when Jerome pulled out the mirror.

BTW, Jerome = one of the greatest Wig Brushers of all time.

* BONUS BEATS * BONUS BEATS * BONUS BEATS *

Only a group as awesome as the Time could have inspired this fantastically awful karaoke perfomance.

This is how that song should have sounded…

‘Fishnet’

Alexander O’Neal

alexander o'neal

Alexander O’Neal definitely had the chops to sing but I don’t think he had the temperament to brush wigs properly so Prince ended up taking back his wigs. O’Neal would still manage to get a wig with some help from other members of the Time. Peep the video for the classic jam ‘Fake’. You can see that O’Neal wasn’t too adept at keeping his own wig straight.


Mazarati

mazarati

How could these fools NOT be a hair band? Their album cover lets you know from the gate what they are coming into the game as. Prince’s OG wig brushing homey Brown Mark formed this group and they managed to crank out a couple of hits, notably ‘100 MPH’ and ‘Player’s Ball’.


Klymaxx

klymaxx

Everyone knows that Appolonia 6 and Vanity 6 were Prince’s wig brushing ladies, but Klymaxx was an all girls band produced by former Wig Brushers turned Wig Owners Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis. Klymaxx dropped several hits like the classic slow jam ‘I Miss U’ and ‘Meeting In The Ladies Room’. Klymaxx was fierce for real. Think of them as the female version of the Time. As chauvinistic as Morris Day was is as sassy as Bernadette Cooper gould get. Her ad libs are ridiculous. I give these ladies the most credit however for having the prescience to create their futuristic “No Homo” anthem titled ‘The Men All Pause’. [ll].


‘The Men All Pause’


‘Meeting In The Ladies Room’

*Universal Music disabled the embed codes for these broads videos. Wig Brushers be having a hard time recouping. Heaven forbid some people might actually get to see these videos that were produced. I found a low quality joint though. Eff it, let’s rock.

CAMEO

cameo

Seriously speaking, how could these negroes NOT go down as one of the all time great hair bands?!? These fools have a hairstyle named AFTER them. Show me a band called the Mullets!?! True story is that CAMEO were official Wig Owners. There was even dance called the Cameo Slide. These brothers were trendsetters in music and fashion. Thank GOD that the thighboots and the candy apple red codpiece never caught on. Word up to that.


‘Back And Forth’


‘Attack Me With Your Love’ (LP version)

BILLY SUNDAY’s LATE NITE FUNK FLIX…

Friday, July 4th, 2008

fishbone

Shout to my brother ADEMOLA…

R.I.P. GEORGE CARLIN

Saturday, June 28th, 2008

carlin

There isn’t much for me to say to glorify this man that more notable statesmen haven’t already proffered.

GEORGE CARLIN was a genius.

Period. Point blank.

He was committed to discussing the truth and also needed to be committed to an asylum. I loved CARLIN’s examination of language and how it is used to confuse our better sensibilities. There is SOOOOOO much in my life that I have cribbed from his rants. My lifelong ambition to be a class clown was fueled from listening to CARLIN cassettes. The name on my eBay account comes from a CARLIN skit. He taught me to love the word ‘cunt’. I’ll assume he taught JOHN McCAIN as well.

Here are a few rants of his that describe his genius perfectly. Thank you GOD for sending us this humble servant. I shudder to think what GEORGE CARLIN would say to that.


‘Why Kids Love Farts’


‘Baseball vs. Football’


‘The List Of People Who Ought To Be Killed’

There’s A Hulk In Your Medicine Cabinet…

Friday, June 20th, 2008

hulk wolvie

Even while I let the fanboy inside of me enjoy himself you can best believe I have my third eye always turned on and wide open. The ‘Incredible Hulk’ movie was just like ‘Iron Man’ in that it fully described the level at which our government is complicit in crimes against humanity and more importantly, human nature.

The concept of a genetically enhanced human has been floated around for centuries. As soon as doctors and scientists discovered viruses and the antibodies that conquered them they have sought to husband those qualities into humans. So that people could become more productive workers and of course, more productive warriors. As mankind has increased its technology the same degree of knowledge has been applied to creating “better” humans. Eugenics is the precursor to cloning, which will prA’li give way to cybernetic organisms. You know, cyborgs and shit.

A few notes struck me as interesting in the Hulk movie which weren’t detailed fully so my mind has been allowed to speculate on what might be. There is a biologist character in the film who appears to want to help heal Bruce Banner and has used a blood sample of his to create thousands of liters of a blood plasma that mimics Banner’s bloodtype. The biologist has used the plasma to perform untold experiments. The university that the biologist works from is located in Harlem. I believe that the biologist used poor, indigent Harlem residents for his experiments. Just like the pharmaceutical industrial complex does in Africa and Asia.

These experiments are funded in some cases by the United nations, and they are monitored closely in many instances by the Centers For Disease Control. Yes, the same agency located in Atlanta, GA. You might ask yourself why an American public health agency monitors and records the experimental infection of infants with what is described as HIV, but in all reality is simply, and horribly a biotoxin? Are these experiments meant to shed light and provide information on how toxins act and react within our own bodies? Don’t call me a conspiracy theorist. I just read a few comic books. A lot.

I also follow the storyline that describes the military’s need to create supersoldiers. War is hell. Always has been, always will be. This is why Army recruiters typically target young children. An 18yr old is a child. Even if they are given the right to drive a motor vehicle, secure a marriage license and consume tobacco and/or alcohol. Their minds are certainly still childlike and haven’t fully developed the receptors for empathy or compassion. If these young people do return from the war front they have borne witness to sights that transfix them for their entire lives.

The super soldier serum that was being developed was supposed to dissolve the part of the brain that is disturbed when you kill another human. It would be sort of like a lobotomy for your conscience. Is this the serum that General Ross hoped to create inside of the laboratory with his daughter and Dr. Banner? I know I am mixing up the storylines of reality and fantasy fiction, but I wonder which is more believable? The true measure of our civilization isn’t the technology that we create, but how we learn to treat each other as humans.

The avarice of greed has fueled more discovery than simply the search for truth and peace. There is a Hulk inside of us all, and thankfully we don’t know how to unleash it.

hulk wolvie