Archive for the ‘iNternets Celebrities’ Category

SlaughterHouse = Graphic Music…

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

slaughterhouse

In about one month (or less for the illegal downloaders) the SlaughterHouse collective project will be unleashed upon us. That will be a great day for these artists since they formed a union that many couldn’t believe would bear an actual album rather than just a few singles. I’ve always loved the idea of rappers from different locales finding common ground without sounding soft or diluted. My only concern at this point is whether SlaughterHouse can make it to the finish line intact.

Their popularity has brought on a new set of problems that I hope they will be able to withstand in the long term. The jealousy that arises from other artists and fans alike who feel that the SlaughterHouse collective doesn’t deserve their blessings is starting to show its face. This sentiment was expected however. I’m not worried about outside forces slowing down the SlaughtHouse movement. It is the dischord from within that I am concerned with. Will these artists be able to contain their egos from one one another?

Over the course of the year I have discussed the SlaughterHouse collective at this site. Which site? THIS site gotdamnit. The comments have ranged from which emcee has brought the best lyrics to the table to which of these rappers is the most likely to say some shit off wax that creates friction in the “rapposhere” (my word bitches). I’ve gone through the trouble to use some of the information that you have spoken on and create a graphic representation of what the SlaughterHouse collective means to us all. The internets loves graphs.

slaughterhouse

2009 Album Anticipation (Buzz Chart)
The anticipation for the SlaughterHouse album is off the charts when you compare their leaked singles to those of Only Built 4 Cuban Links 2, the Blueprint 3 and Detox. At least SlaughterHouse has a confirmed release date. The other three albums may never come out.

slaughterhouse

SlaughterHouse Shit Talker
Rap music is definitely a spectacle now as much as it is about recorded music and who understands that better than Joe Budden? His disdain for the Vibe ‘Best Rapper’ list is what caused that magazine to have to close their doors. I hope that Joe Budden’s penchant for letting his stream of consciousness rants create more attention than his rhymes doesn’t rub off on the rest of the collective but I see that Royce is also letting other issues with washed up rappers become his focus instead of the Revival EP he just released on iTunes.

slaughterhouse

SlaughterHouse Best Lyricist
This is the topic I’m most excited to debate after the album has been released. Who will be the emcee that goes in the deepest and the hardest [ll]? Which one of these guys will leave it all in the booth? Who will make me press rewind the most. Joell and Crooked I have been early favorites of most people online, but I have a sneaky suspicion that Budden and Royce have a few tricks up their sleeves.

slaughterhouse

SlaughterHouse Sexiest Member
Don’t forget for one second that rap music is now pop music and pop music is about image and style above all other things (sadly, including music). With that said I thought we would take a look at the sexiest member of the SlaughterHouse collective. You know that isn’t Joell or Crooked I who are both inceidentally two of the ugliest motherfuckers to ever grip a microphone. Maybe that is why they are such ill rappers? Royce and Joe Budden are both vying to be the Eddie and J.T. of this boy band but the sexiest of them all is their manager Crystal. You can say hi to her on the Twitter and ask her when SlaughterHouse will be coming to your town.

Or you can just stare at her picture like I do.

slaughterhouse

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

butter

You’ve got to be extra sometimes if you want to people to respect your steez. You can’t be like the others. I think that remarks the style of kids from Long Island to a degree. They are trying to keep up with their cousins from the city so they go in extra hard to show that they can hang.

Right near my house in L.I. is a nice little sneaker shop called Extra Butter NY. These dudes represent for Long Island in a major way. Not just with kicks, but with streetwear and gear. I paid a visit to this shop which is right in my backyard to see what they were all about.

Now I may not have to go to the city any longer for my exclusive shit. The folks that run Extra Butter are from the future. They host a ‘movie night’ in their store. The theme this time is called “Sextra Butter“. The movie is ‘9.5 Weeks’. I fux with Extra Butter NY.

DP.COM MANNY WATCH…

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

mannywood

MANNY being MANNY = Mets being the Mets (read: losing)

MANNYWOOD is @ Shea this week and so am I.

Take me out to the ballgame…

DP2FTV = FANBOYZ UNITED!

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

dp

How do you fools like the sound of this shit…

FANBOYZ UNITED!

dp

This is some shit I want to turn into a program for mass broadcast. I like the idea of being a television program, but I really like the idea of being an internets program. My new homey JOHNNY SAGAN just got into the DP dot com movement and he is pitching this idea to the people that fux with bigtime TV. I don’t know if they really get down for the crown like we do here at the website. Shouts to the iNternets Celebrities movement for giving this website its street cred to video viewers.

How about we make Fanboyz United! programs shaped around a central theme? Episodes can be hosted by HuLu.com or whatever contender comes up to compete with them. The real problem I see is making the idea of being a fanboy not such a niche market. There are plenty of fanboys that aren’t totally integrated on the internets. Technology isn’t the only aspect of fanboyhood.

There are six pillars that are the foundation of fanboy culture…

Technology, Sports, Music, Comics, Gear, Junk Food…

These six items are inter-related and cross-reference each other throughout Fanboyhood.

The program Fanboyz United! is a documentary slash reality slash variety show that illustrates the finer points of these pillars in ways that their beloved audience has never seen them before. Every week we take our viewers out of their homes to roam the streets with us doing the things that the fanboy vanguard does, or better yet, wishes they were doing with us.

tech

Technology – From taking the latest cellphone and creating an application for it that makes it operate better yet voids your warranty to music weblogs that stream the latest music the very second it arrives in retail installations (if not before). Fanboys are making James Bond look like a Luddite. Technology allows fanboys to communicate in ways never before imagined. Video games travel to other planets or hyper-realize the space we all live in. While technology is moving too fast for many people it is actually moving too slow for fanboys.

sports

Sports – ESPN has been able to target fanboy culture with a highlight reel program that repeats itself in the early morning hours. This program delivers the information to all the fanboys who maintain fantasy teams and require the hard data that tells them how their particular athlete is performing (natch). Sports memorabilia has evolved to collections of cards with an array of technological advances embedded in the cardboard. Fanboys need sports in their lives. Women’s testosterone? Not so much.

music

Music – The soundtrack to fanboyhood is defined with a booming bassline. Whether its rap, or rock, or a hybrid of punk speed metal synthesized voices, the fanboyz are dancing to it. They are making videos of those dances and uploading those videos on to YouTube where millions of viewers are watching them. The advent of software like Fruity Loops has enabled anyone with a computer to become a music producer. The music video has become the mini-novela. I’m streaming West Side Story for like the 50th time. It is so gangsta!

comics

Comics – There is no greater visual emotional influencer for fanboyz than the comic book industry. The recent Hollywood blockbusters like Watchmen, 300, iron Man, Batman, Sin City and X-Men should be proof of this. Fanboys that have spent a lifetime collecting the stories of these characters are now writing the graphic novels which will eventually become the major motion pictures. How many people have experienced the method for which their favorite characters monthly pulp is delivered to the newsstand, or actually for fanboys that would be the specialty shop? Fanboyz United! is all about profiling the production on the back end and letting you watch the method as to how comic books are published.

gear

Gear – Technology has seeped into the design of fanboys clothing now that hooded sweatshirts have concealed iPod holders. Space age fabrics like DuPont 3M material are all over sneakers. There are more fanboys with sneaker collections that number the 100’s even the 1000’s than ever before. Fanboys will camp out in front of retail locations in the pouring rain for several days while awaiting the release of the latest sneaker designed by rapper KanYe West. All the while wearing the latest weatherproof gear from Ralph Lauren or North Face. These sneakers and garments speak volumes to the fanboys that wear and collect them. Let’s take a look at the Polo collections of Meyhem Lauren and Thirstin Howl III.

junkfood

Junk Food – Junk food is the fuel cell that powers fanboyz. From McDonald’s to Taco Bell, from Doritos to jalapeno Cheetos these foods are consumed in abundance and repeated ad nausem until nauseous. Cereal isn’t just for kids. It’s for adults who spend 16+ hours surfing the world wide web and blogging and posting in forums and chat rooms and simply have no time to microwave anything let alone cook. Fanboyz would like to learn hpw to cook though. One of the latest fanboy trends is to watch how-to cooking videos featuring adult film stars fully clothed, yet tastefully (pun intended) provocative.

Fanboyz United! is the ultimate documentary reality show for fans, stans, collectors, nerds, groupies and techies. Fanboyz United! isn’t really even a television show. It is an effin’ lifestyle! Think of boyhood, but for grown men. How awesome is that? Fanboyz United! is boyhood on steroids. Knowing and loving all the things you did when you were younger, but now with the mind and the authority of an adult.

Its the ability to eat a bowl of cereal at 2am while watching ESPN SportsCenter or Adult Swim. It’s the notion that Darth Vader is an existential expression for uncontrollable political power and attention. Fanboys are about knowledge and the minutiae sometimes contained therein. Exactly how many women has Batman slept with? A lot. If you were a fanboy you would know the number, AND their names. Fanboys love the products they consume even more than the companies that manufacture them.

I’m happy to be a fanboy. Truth to tell you is that my girlfriend is a fanboy too. That might be the only time you have to [ll] a woman on the internets. What do y’all think of the concept? Is this something you might want to fux with? I thought each episode (I refuse to say ghey ass “webisode”) could be 16 mins with four(4) bloks of content 4mins long. And then we tag a sponsor on that bitch. Basically the Hulu format.

So who wants to make this show happen is really the question at hand? I want to keep it on the web or put it in the eyeballs of the people that will enjoy it most. Remember the DAVE ATELL show on Comedy Central? I know you all remember CHAPPELLE’s Show? I want to mix these programs with Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim programming. The next new TV Funhouse. That is my dream right now.

I have met so many talented people in real life via the internets who deserve to bring their passions to the community-at-large. There are millions of fanboys out there who want to get their rec. This is our time to shine. Anybody want to make the official logo and typeface? Can you start with some athletic style lettering, maybe in a font similar to the San Francisco Giants. Let’s get this popping…

The Future Of Rap Music…

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

das racist

A few months ago RAFI pointed me to a music video from this band called Das Racist. Their steez re-awoke something in me that loves rap music.

It could have been their intelligent wordplay with cultural cross-referencers and newsworthy non-sequiturs.

It could have been the fact they were the kind of don’t give a fuck retards that have been missing from rap music.

Smart dumb rappers were the rage back in the early 1990’s. But even then it wasn’t so much about intelligence and geo-political recognition as much as it was about rapping polysyllabic words. The self parody aspect of Hip-Hop was lost when rap music’s tagline became “keep it real”.

Rap music was never intended to be about reality.

Reality sucks.

Hyper-reality is what’s really ‘hood.

What’s really food? Das Racist. From their sub-cellar underground dance classic mega-hit ‘Combination Pizza Hut Taco Bell’ to their trippy freestyle inspired ‘Chicken & Meat’ Das Racist sits squarely in my fastfood fanboy wheelhouse. I will officially lose my shit when they make a song about iced honey buns from the bodega.

Consider me an official Das Racist stan right now.

Being the thinking man’s rap group is no small feat either, but they are good enough to bring RAFI KAM into the Lower East Side to enjoy their set so I think you other emcess need to take heed. RAF and I were joined at the Das Racist show by a fellow internets from Cleveland who still gets it in Ohio.

@IamRobAck is the future of the internets.

Das Racist is the future of rap music.

The iNternets Celebrities know this because we are from the future.