The website Suicide Food is all about exposing the propaganda that anthropomorphizes the food we consume.
It’s one of my favorite websites now that Stuff White People Like has jumped the shark.
Some of you might consider becoming vegetarians after seeing some of the real world ads posted at this site, but don’t even start to think that vegetables will be spared from arousing the sexual side of advertisers.
I hate when I have all these far-reaching plans to get shit done around the house and to go out on the town with my sexy lady for an evening but then everything gets dashed because of some dumb shit I did.
After a hard week at the day job where I got little to no sleep due to the fact that I stay up to 4am every night reading other people’s blogs and trying to put this site together I thought I would have a nice relaxing Friday evening at home. Something low key with a DVD and a few cups of tea. Albeit I would lace my tea with some Maker’s Mark, but the point was to fall back and get some rest.
There are like a million different types of tea in the supermarket. I usually go in for the Celestial Seasonings brand. The Red Zinger mixed with a bag Chinese ginger lemon is the shizznit. I wa looking for something that would relax me. I peeped this box that said ‘Smooth Moves’ and immediately what came to my mind was some VAUGHN HARPER [ll] Quiet Storm type shit. I was going to walk around my apartment in my bathrobe after watching some pr0n and listening to the new ERYKAH BADU album.
I typically make myself four(4) cups of tea when I boil water. I end up putting two in the ‘frige after they have cooled down and then I have a nice soothing beverage to refresh me in the a.m. after I shower. Since I didn’t have any ginger tea left I just went in with four cups of “Smooth Move’. In the back of my mind I am humming the lyrics to that Big Daddy Kane song where the chorus goes, “Cause I’m so smooth.” I am so smooth, and so damn stupid. Too bad for me that I can’t read product boxes past the fantasy that my imagination creates.
The smooth moves that this tea gives aren’t the type to have you singing SADE’s ‘Smooth Operator’. These smooth moves will have you singing another tune. I haven’t been able to leave the house for two days because my moves haven’t been as smooth as they have been explosively frequent. I was fearful that at some point this afternoon I was going to shit out my kidney.
This is one of the reasons why I need C.S. in my life. She reads all the boxes I pick up at the supermarket. She tries to stop me from consuming too much high fructose corn syrup, or hydrogenated something somethings. I can’t be bothered with reading shit. I have writing to do.
So that is my story this weekend. I have even considered bring the laptop inside of the bathroom with me since I am spending all my time in here. If you think this site is going down the toilet then you might have a point. It is definitely going down on some watered down shit. I gotta go now…
As soon as I learn how to eff with this DSLR shit is a wrap. But for now I am just making art.
Remember when we learned that litter in some neighborhoods becomes art and in other neighborhoods it becomes work?
I need to move to Long Island City. Litter is turning into jobs. These are the neighborhoods you want to live in.
Shopping cart as rolling garbage basket provided by Home-less Depot.
Not sure why its chained to the bike rack, but whatever is clever.
No more coffee cups on stair ledge makes this ‘hood upscale.
Thank the artists or the homeless its synonymous.
Throwing away someone else’s litter is grassroots activism.
^ Yeah, I did that too.
What the fuck is good party people?!?
This drop will be on some spaz shit with my grammar and spelling all over the effing place. Put the women and children to bed if you have to, even though it’s something something in the morning when you are reading this.
Shouts to my folks at ThinkTank Marketing who stay hitting me off with the industry popoffs that have the “Obama”. That is my new word for open bar functions – Obamas. It’s a celebration bitches. Your DVD’s are in the mail.
A couple of commenters have asked about the Blu Cheez Ghetto Celeb photo galleries and why there aren’t any more jiggly asses or tatas on display. The boss of this website, Chocolate Snowflake, decided that all the images that aren’t digestable for undeveloped stomachs should be made private. If you want access to these galleries then you need to request a username and password from Blu Cheez. E-mail him. He’s a good dude.
Back to the matter at hand…
I am constantly thinking of shit to do at this website to make this space interesting and worthwhile for you readers to continue to find us in your browser. With a proliferation of good weblogs on the internets I feel like our job here might be almost done. Several of you have asked me to complete the memoirs of my New York City journeys and I strongly consider that feedback. Although, writing a gut-wrenching tell-all book for seven people seems like more of a vanity project than something that will ultimately be worth my time. Oops, the eight readers that tune in on the regulack (my badd Candice). In any case maybe some more blog drops about vintage New York City are what we need to wrap up this website.
Did I say biggup to ThinkTank Marketing? Last nite’s “Obama” was at a space currently called Plumm. Back in the days this space was called Nell’s and it was one of the great NYC clubs. Nell’s was in the cut as far as clubs operated and there were always celebrities in the basement lounge. Back in those days I made my side scrilla from grams and eightballs of that yayze. Nell’s was non-descript and their wood paneled bathroom was ultra-classy even without having an attendant. I don’t really miss those days since they were spent in a haze of yayze.
GOD blessed me by giving me a day job across the street from Nell’s. I just called it a job, but it was really the Old Jew’s classroom. That’s where the Old Jew taught me the true meaning of being one of GOD’s chosen. If you are a real Jew, a REAL JEW, then your responsibility is to teach man, to show man the light. That is the singular divine obligation of the chosen. Each one, teach one. If you aren’t a teacher then you are only jewish. My apologies to all the folks that are only jewish. Maybe one day you too can be one of the chosen. Anyhoo…
I have watched West 14th Street transform several times over and over again. If New York City has an actual heart it is prah’lee somewhere in between 14th and 34th Streets. Sixth Ave is definitely the aorta. I don’t know shit about vascular systems and I don’t even know why you are reading this shit right now. Go click over to some other website where they are talking about gossip and the Grammys. I’m not feeling that shit here today.
What I am feeling like doing right now is enjoying the Toy Fair at the Jacob Javits Convention Center and enjoying this buzz from eight rounds of Bombay Sapphire and tonic water. My mic sounds nice check one, my mic sounds nice check two. Shout out to all the folks that read this shit and have no fucking idea what the fuck I am talking about but can find the one sentence of truth and make it work for their life. I respect that courage. That isn’t just the liquor talking either. Okay, maybe the liquor is talking, but I meant what ever the fuck I just said.
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MICHAEL VICK was not an aberration for how Black folks get down as dog owners. Yes, he was the exaggeration of the truth, but Black folks on the whole are some of the worst dog owners ever. At least Chinese folks eat their dogs. One could argue that there is merit in using canines as a sustainable foodsource.
Here’s my problem…
A whole bunch of white moves back into Crown Heights and they bring their pets. The Blacks that want to “act” like they are all environmental and into recycling and all that phony shit go out and get dogs too. I used to blame the white for leaving dog shit on the curb until I stayed at the house of some white and peeped how they bought plastic bags SPECIFICALLY for picking up dog shit.
*Now ain’t that a bitch? Saving the environment and still buying more plastic bags. Let’s face it, white can mitigate anything.*
So if white isn’t disrespecting the ‘hood by leaving the dog shit on the curb who the fuck is doing this shit? Yep, Blacks with dogs. Should’a never let you niggas watch ‘Lassie’! For real, if I was mayor I would arrest any Black with a dog. If them fools ain’t fighting dogs they are letting their dog sully the sidewalks with shit.
Take a look at this crap on the corner of Kingston Ave and Sterling Place.
I got all into my doo doo detective mode and I have determined that is a Nike ACG bootprint in that turd.
Hmmm, let me find out Combat Jack has a dog…
