Editor’s note: MAXINE reps for the home team with this drop. Boulder stand up! Only in a lawless state would the politician be allowed to openly physically assault the press
And if you feel me put your hands up (hood)
My hood niggas can you stand up (I’m So Hood)
If you not from here you can walk it out,
And you not hood if you don’t know what I’m talkin ’bout
(DJ Khaled featuring T-Pain – ‘I’m So ‘Hood’)
Fuck with Douglas Bruce. I dare you. I double dare you to walk up on that motherfucker and ask him a question. Any question. Go ahead, say one thing to him he doesn’t like, you piss ass motherfuckers. Who said cats from Colorado was soft? He wakes up in the morning, just to slap a bitch. What you know about that El Paso county? You don’t know NOTHING! Douglas Bruce. You don’t tell him, he tells you!! Crab ass bastards!
Douglas Bruce is a politician from Colorado Springs, CO but the reason you know who he is, and the reason I’m writing about him today is because he’s the only cat about that real business. He’s the Lil Wayne of the Colorado political game. Wayne will murder babies, Bruce will kick the shit out of you for attempting to take his picture ( It’s also widely speculated that he’s schizophrenic but it could just be the Easter pink Sprite). He don’t give a fuck. His crazy ass went to jail in 1995 for eight days on a contempt of court citation after going off on a judge who was condemning him about the unkempt properties he owned.
That boy Shawn Corey didn’t smack the shit out of the inspector that gave his 40/40 club a failing grade. Kanye didn’t shove the paparazzo that showed up to his crib, and Bow didn’t take the opportunity to cuff Toure when he was talking slick out his mouth. My point? Your favorite rappers (I know Bow Wow is a stretch, but walk with me) ain’t got shit on that cat Doug Bruce from the Rocky Mountain State.
How many of you are willing to kick out the knee cap of a complete and total stranger for getting it wrong? Try it, walk into the Starbucks tomorrow morning and grab the Barista up in his collar for putting too much foam in your Venti Chai. Throw a carton of eggs across the conveyor belt in the Trader Joe’s. Stupid ass bag boys. Asking you if you want paper or plastic. This is 2008, don’t ask stupid ass questions!
Douglas Bruce laid leather to ass on Monday January 14th because a photographer from the Rocky Mountain News took his picture during the morning prayer. Bruce reportedly asked the photographer not to take his picture during the pledge of allegiance. Said photographer thought it’d be a good idea to snap his pic while his head was bowed in reverence of a loving and merciful God. Bruce took offense to this and went ballistic. According to Bruce, it was disrespectful to have one’s picture taken during prayer. Eh, I can kind of dig it. I mean, Jesus did say get into your closet and pray where no one can see you right? Loosely speaking but you get the point.
Conspiracy theorist that I am, I think Mitt Romney gave that cat some money and a bottle of pills and said, “Go, be free, wherever thy feet will take you!” Douglas Bruce is gearing up for Michigan too you see. Mitt Romney is not doing well in the polls people. That half-dead John McCain is calling his bluff all over the place and it’s not looking good. Romney’s people are
sick of being torn down for “negative attack ads” They got together and said, “You want attacks? We’ll give you attacks!”
When asked about the incident, Bruce chose to quote John 8:32 as an answer. You know, the one about the truth setting one free. With the Republican primary in Michigan underway and Romney struggling in the polls, Republicans need a swift kick in the ass if the religious right, the ones with the power anyway are going to make some headway. Sorry McCain fans, but he ain’t gonna win. It’s just not happening. Mitt Romney’s soldiers are afoot.
The weak or the strong, who got it goin’ on?
