What do you mean you haven’t selected your Cuffing Season finalists? This isn’t just the playoffs party people, this is the championship. As soon as you feel that nip in the air you should be battening down the hatches. Don’t let this be the winter you are left in the cold with no drawls next to you to keep you warm. It’s time to put some extra innings onto your plan.
The weekend forecast is bright, sunny and windy. You are going to need to put a jacket over that sweater playboy because all the action is still outdoors. I thought I could do some of you a favor by passing along my veteran NYC playbook for bagging up the tenderloin in the long brown boots.
MUSEUMS
Dude, get up on museums. Hot chicks like museums and my favorites only cost a dollar to attend.
Metropolitan Museum of Art
This is one of NYC’s greatest treasures. Please bring a shorty here and note that the admission price is only SUGGESTED. When I go here with Chocolate Snowflake I pay $1 for her and $1 for me. I let the Rockefellers subsidize the rest of my visit. The architecture of the building alone makes the trip worth your time and when you combine that with the facilities art collection you are having one helluva day.
Tavern On The Green
The Tavern is reopened in its newest and greatest incarnation as an open air food court and NYC visitor’s center. Think of the new Tavern as ski lodge for pedestrians, cyclists and inline skaters. With the leaves in Central Park changing colors right now and a crispness in the air you may get inspired to have a horse and carriage ride. Don’t so that tho’ because the smell of horse ass stays with you all day.
SHOPPING
This is my favorite part of dating a broad.
Big Box spots
After visiting Ikea the other night and learning that the swedish meatballs meal was $2.49 on Tuseday nights I thought that Ikea was the perfect home furnishings date. Make sure to bring your canteen so you can stock up on the unlimited refills of Lingonberry juice. Wal-Marts and Targets are also great spots to date shop provided your girl isn’t on her period because watching a chick selecting feminine hygiene products is always a little weird for me.
Farmers/flea markets
Like the NFL, Cuffing Season is a game best played outdoors. Farmer’s markets are great places to show a cuffing candidate (a cuffee) your value for organically grown produce and artisinal cheeses. In other words, fronting. Just grab a cup of cider and talk your talk. And if you see me at the Brooklyn Flea do me a solid and buy some of my shit.
DINING
I’m on a latin bender right now, Mexican, Colombian, Dominican and Chilean.
Chipotle
Chipotle stays winning for the simple fact they sell magheritas and understand that I don’t endorse tricking during Cuffing Season but if you gotta trick then at least get nice and use the empty margherita cup to refill with another beverage. I suggest the lemonade.
La Cabaña
This is one if my O.G. fave spots when I lived in Corona Queens. They got your pork fried pork if you ain’t doing the godbody hardbody.
Tierras Colombianos
Bandeja campesina. And that is all.
This drop isn’t being posted to help you get the smell of pussy on your fingers. You should already have that experience from your cuffing candidate. This post is to help you figure out if you like doing other things with your jumpoff other than just fucking.
