Archive for the ‘BeYONCE’s Hair’ Category

The Conkalene Chronicles…

Sunday, January 13th, 2008

minnie the moocher

CAB CALLOWAY: Fried, dyed and laid to the side…

As we gear up for the 28 days of jiggaboo goodness known as Black History Month, BILLY X. SUNDAY hits up the flashback machine for a classic YouTube video.

Contrary to common belief, it wasn’t just the pop culture potency of darker skinned Blacks that pushed their lighter skinned racial frat brothers to the brink of relevancy, but also the resultant of marginally talented mulatto musicians like TERRENCE TRENT D’ARBY, JOHNNY KEMP, Milli Vanilli and the British Motown impersonators – The Pasadenas.

KEEP IT MOVIN’…

Thursday, January 10th, 2008

k.i.m.

You can’t handle the truth on the regulack at XXL Mag Dot Com.

I was instructed by my boss’ boss to not go in on the Elliott Wilson situation, but since I exist at this site tenuously anyhoo I thought I would say something for the record. And Since rap records’ sales figures are in the shitter prah’lee no one will buy this drop by the time I’m done.

Keep it moving XXL mag dot commenters.

It’s just that simple. What the fuck do you care why Elliot Wilson isn’t here any longer? There’s no conspiracy. Sonn-dula just ain’t here. So what now? Are you gonna stop listening to rap music? Are you going to stop reading publications that talk about rappers? What in your life gets improved when you know where and why Elliott is?

That’s ho shit you are worried about. Don’t worry about Elliott. That nigga is doing better than all of us. Combined. I’ve got a column at XXL mag dot com and my ass is still eating tuna out of the can. Not even albacore sonn. Dark meat tuna. My cable got shut off over the weekend. I watched football at the Circuit City on Atlantic and Flatbush Avenues. I’m typing this shit from the public library at Grand Army Plaza. Meanwhile E Dubbz lives in a billion dollar penthouse condominium with Jay-Z and Common as neighbors.

Elliott Wilson is gon’ be aiight. First off, he’s lightskin and figures show that good hair negroes live life on the sweet side of the street. So you know he left Harris Publications with his dignity. Good hair jigs like Elliott and Keith Clinkscales always stay crispy. Not so much speaking of Vibe magazine, but have you seen E Dubb’s wife? How the hell did he bag that? He ain’t even a pretty lightskin nigga either. Sonn has hell’s game I guess so wherever he goes his shit is gon’ be aiight. XXL mag and this online bastard child will be fine too. So while all you ho ass niggas speculate on the whys and the wherefores you need to keep your shit moving as well.

If you work at Mickey Dee’s this is the year you get promoted to fries up from bathroom cleaning duties. If you already work on fries you have reached the ceiling for growth and you should move on up to Boston Market or some shit. Shouts to all of y’all in school now getting a degree in some shit that will keep you in debt until you are 34yrs old. What up to all the XXL dot commenters at their jobs now reading this shit. I’m just like y’all and when I get back home I am gonna take me some drugs and sip me some wine.

Elliott Wilson is gon’ be aiight. The rest of us? Not so much.

FREEDOM FRIDAYS 5th YEAR ANNIVERSARY…

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

freedom front

freedom front

A Referendum On Lightskinded Negroes…

Tuesday, January 8th, 2008

ccuin

What the fuck is going on internets?!? Just last week I proclaimed that 2008 would be the year that lightskinded negroes returned to the top of the non-white food chain. On the strength of entertainers like the ubiquitous BeYonce and the earthen toned entertainer Common we were on a roll.

In just one weekend in January shit has gotten all scary again for us good hair brothers. First, Elliott Wilson, the editor in chief at XXL is killed. Figuratively, I’ll assume, although Harris Publications does put out more gun magazines than your average.

Secondly, the good-haired jig boy pictured above went all Hannibal Lechter and put his girlfriend in his mother’s cook up pot. Christopher Lee McCuin, you are fucking up the racial spectrum. Black people do not cook and eat people. Leave that shit to white along with curling.

Just when I was going to get into my Al B Sure ‘In Effect Mode’ some lightskinded negroes are effing up my swagger. I’m on my way to the supermarket now to pick up some curl activator to place on my altar. Tony Dungy, you need to get a win the weekend and put us back on top of this Black bullshit.

‘Black Coach’ theme song – Jay Smooth @ illdoctrine dot com

FREEDOM FRIDAYS 5th YEAR ANNIVERSARY…

Friday, December 28th, 2007

freedom front

freedom front