Did you know that Doctor Billy Sunday writes a daily column at XXL Mag Dot Com?
Foxy Brown is actually saving the Hip-Hop generation with her incarceration. Not because there’s less nail salon techs getting thumped on, or conversely less people getting pistol grip whipped with Blackberrys, but because she is showing us the price we pay when we don’t confront mental illness directly. In the hierarchy of shit that is bad for your rap career actually being 7-30 is the worst thing. It’s even worse for selling records than being a lady rapper. Foxy Brown is trying to come up in the game with two strikes against her. Let’s be honest with each other, when was the last time you considered copping a lady rapper’s record? You need to consider this new Foxy disc then, if for no other reason but to help ol’ girl get the treatment she needs for being insane in the membrane.
Being 7-30 in the African American community is also effed up too since we tend not to be able to afford to place our families in the institutions on the outskirts of town where crazy people are kept. Before you can even get into one of those facilities you have to be diagnosed by a physician. When is the last time you saw a Black person going to a doctor? I mean a real doctor, not some motherfucker in a white jacket at the clinic. This is because the African American community itself has a deserved distrust for the practice of medicine and frequently shuns receiving prescription drugs. Except for those of us with the sugar. I’ll do anything to keep from getting insulin shots. So now Foxy Brown’s situation highlights what we face when we don’t get the medical attention we need.
Since I went to a community college instead of an Ivy League school I gained an education that allows me to combine many trades simultaneously. Community college degrees are the equivalent of staying a month at a Holiday Inn Express. I will put on my Dr. Billy Sunday stethoscope and propose that we create a treatment program for Foxy Brown. We’ll also combine this with a marketing campaign for her latest album. Instead of creating a show where entertainment industry has-beens lose weight we make a show where we get psychological treatment to crazy ass rappers. The first season will have us trying to get Foxy some anger management counseling and medication for her bi-polar affliction. We’ll also feature Lil’ Kim as she plunges further into her plastic surgery fetish, and we’ll go to the STD clinic, then afterwards the clubs with Trina. Lastly, we will follow around Amil as she tries to shop her material for another album. Are you not entertained?
Okay, so maybe we need to consider another marketing plan. How about an instructional shoplifting video? ‘Crank Dat Pilfer’, ‘Shoplift Dat Ho?. If we get thirteen year old white chicks to make YouTube videos of this shit we’ll be like thousandaires, or hundredaires, or something rich. At the end of the day even marketing campaigns are foolish for someone who is fucking crazy. And Foxy Brown is fucking crazy. Record labels don’t offer health plans with their deals and since Foxy is signed to Koch or some shit I don’t even think they have a box of band-aids in their office. Before she goes on to promote her new record she needs to get herself examined and treated. For all she knows she could very well be pregnant with a demon spawn that is making her act so banana head.
FYI: If Foxy is indeed pregnant you will get extra points in the cRap Music Fantasy League.
