dallaspenn.com

“Two years ago, a friend of mine, asked me to say some emcee rhymes” – (c)JOSEPH ‘Run’ SIMMONS

It was only two years ago that DP Dot Com became a live and direct website after years of existing as only a friends and family e-mail blast. In these two short years we have gained dozens of actual family and friends while moving into a noticeable position among the internets hip urban based information channels. We wouldn’t be here without the dedication and love of all of you that are reading this drop now. Your comments have given us the motivation to continue this endeavor even though money gets tight and morale gets low. Give yourselves a round of applause for choosing the red pill. You folks can handle the truth.

The other factor that keeps the lights on at DP Dot Com is the resolve of the administration that drops jew-ells on this site with such a regularity that you almost don’t even have to leave this URL to stay in touch with the world. Almost. That is due to the hard work of a core of people that write content for these webpages so that at least you have something productive to do while you are at work fucking the fuck off. Let’s take a minute during the two year anniversary of Dallas Penn Dot Com to acknowledge the people that keeps the lights on at this bitch…

	CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKE C.S. pwns this bitch. She authorizes the HTML codes and she pays the fucking bandwidth bills. So when you see the Captain talking sassy about getting some white action just know that he has C.S.’s blessing already. Well, not so much blessing in as much understanding that the Captain can’t do shit without her making sure that the domain name stays paid for.

CAPTAIN BILLY SUNDAY The captain was shipwrecked some thirty years ago when leaving ‘Nam on a Korean junk sailboat. He was lost at sea for over twenty years only to wash up in the Phillipines as a captive to a pirate slave colony. This is where he developed his love for NIKE sneakers while working in a leather sweatshop in Namphong. The captain is a lover of all kinds of esoteric bullshit and the what not, but the main thing to note is that he is a lover.

	COMBAT JACK If Haiti had an organized army then COMBAT JACK would be like their COLIN POWELL mashed up with DENMARK VESEY. As it were he comes to DP Dot Com to expose the entertainment industry for their crooks and liars. Occasionally he will review a movie based upon a comic book, but don’t think for a minute that his review won’t be the most hardbody shit you ever read.

	TONY’s KANSAS CITY Only at DP Dot Com will you find a Mexican that doesn’t do any stereotypical work in order to receive his sub minimum wages. Mostly though, TONY likes to live in America, because everything’s free in America, but for a small fee in America.

40 DAWG DP’s security force begins and ends with a six foot seven inch, three hundred twenty five pound former offensive lineman. 40 will also give the people a thought provoking drop from time to time in between bottles of Olde Gold and his modeling gig for Mighty Healthy NYC.

	SHORTY WHITEBREAD The last DP Dot Com intern went on to a teaching position at Columbia University (true story). The sky’s the limit for Shorty Whitebread and he hasn’t let a poor thyroid derail his plans. I think he could be the next president of these here United snakes.

	‘YE TUDDA We had to put someone on who knew what the grandpa bear sweater was.

THE ‘HOOD FAIRY The ‘Hood Fairy helps DP Dot Com stay fresh to def by searching around for fly shit for us to add to the archived collection. In a few more years the ‘Hood Fairy will be invaluable as she directs us to where all the fairies of legal age are hanging out getting their drink on.

	UNCLE RUCKUS DP Dot Com needs someone who recognizes some sweet pink toe poon when it’s on the streets. RUCKUS made sure that we contracted other bloggers like H8TORADE and iFUX for their massive collections of KIM KARDASHIAN nude pix.

	HIGH AZZ LLOYD BANKS Fisty Scent’s number one weedcarrier is the dude that rides his Redline BMX to bring us the monthly check from Harris Publications.

And there you have it. A quick rundown of some of the characters that make this site that official crack in HTML form.