So one evening after I had been wearing my girlfriends thighs as if they were earmuffs and we lay together in our sweaty nakedness I asked the question. “Why did you stop dating white guys?” I knew the question was secretly loaded because when I first asked it over a year ago the answer had been that she had never dated a white guy ever. I knew that there was no way this sister hadn’t put some milk in her coffee because she knew more Depeche Mode and Thompson Twins songs than I did. Its not even that big a deal to me either because I have dated every range of the color spectrum, but its strikes me as funny that after a year I can start to find out a whole different side of the person that I am supremely intimate with.
In a years time there is no one alive that can remember anything they said that wasn’t true. Even women, who are the masters of deception can’t keep track of all their stories. Eventually it all falls down. So how do you avoid the Jeckyl and Hyde syndrome that comes with practically every single woman over the age of sixteen? I asked the good right Reverend Dr. WILLIAM H. SUNDAY how to know when what a woman tells me is the truth.
“First of all, its all truth. It is all the truth, but YOU can’t handle the truth! Do you really want to know how many times that your girlfriend has given her heart and her soul and, of course, her body to some man? The truth is that its probably more times than even she can remember. The truth is she has given herself up to the rollercoaster ride that is love time after time. And many of those times the man has been flyer than you are, with more money, more class, a larger dick, and a lot more skills in the bedroom. The truth is you are lucky and blessed to have someone that believes that you can be more than just a fat azz, college dropout, formerly homeless ex-junkie, chain-snatching car thief.”
“So if you REALLY, REALLY want the truth. If you really must know how many hairy ballsacks have been tickled by her tongue and how many times her soft cameo has been split open to receive someone’s manhood you will never ever gain the ultimate truth. The ultimate truth is that a woman lives for love and she will pursue it with a courage and fearlessness that borders reckless abandon. The ultimate truth is that you won’t be the last.”
As always, the good Reverend puts things in their proper perspective. Instead of asking how, when or why I am reminded to live and love as if it were the last days of time. My number will surely be called one day and I want to be able to say that it was better to have lived and loved, than to never have loved at all.
