Archive for December, 2005

NBA GULLY TIGHT PANTS ALL-STAR MVP

Friday, December 23rd, 2005

dennis the menace

A super KHOFI ANNAN MARGE THATCHER NO HOMO should be said when you finish this post…

DENNIS RODMAN was one of the games most underrated superstars because of his problematic off-court antics, like the time he fell asleep with a shotgun in his mouth. The league realized that he was a huge talent as well as a powder keg so they decided not to market DENNIS as a bonafide star. In the end I think that just increased his outlaw legend. DENNIS is one of those beautiful interstate carwrecks that you can’t take your eyes off of because you think you might miss a glimpse of a decapitated motorist.

I can’t say anything bad about the dude only because he likes to wear women’s draws. Who among us hasn’t coveted feeling silky soft lace along our nether regions?!? Not to mention the fact that DENNIS has smashed major white poonahnee. MADONNA (when she still had that last window of hotness), CARMEN ELECTRA (spanish broads stay hot well into their sixties) and CINDY CRAWFORD (during her slutty NBA dick sampling phase).

white meat
I can’t cosign this outfit below but please peep the high powered assault rifles hanging on the wall in the background. You best believe I would be laughing at his azz, but only AFTER I was safely out of that room.

extra BYRON CRAWFORD nullus

Jig Madness Impresario Extraordinaire

Friday, December 23rd, 2005

the king

Maybe you folks heard about this already, but PUFF DIDDY, The King of all Jigs is still throwing parties that people are dying to get into.

From my days as a student at City College when DIDDY still rocked with fellow Mt.Vernonite, HEAVY DEE, and jigs stampeded a gymnasium… killing eight people.

didster

…to the wild weeknights at DADDY’s HOUSE in Red Zone — hey PAC? Who shot ya?!? —

big and pac

downtown to the rambunctious Tunnel Disco…

the crew

…and back uptown to Club New York for the infamous SHYNE shoot-out featuring J-ELLE.

diddy and j-ho

The overwhelmingly consistent thread through all of these milestones is the level of Jig madness prior to the night’s conclusion, including several miles worth of blond hairweave, Gucci print leather on places that normally don’t receive it, furry dead animal sweatsuits and of course, gunshot wounds.

2006 = YEAR of the GEISHA

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005

suzy wong

KING TEE took me to a kick azz dollar dumpling spot in Chinatown. Six(6) steamed shrimp and chives dumplings for a dollar. Holler!

I love Chinese food and whenever I eat some it makes me wonder why I don’t have a Chinese girlfriend to cook it for me. There was a time when you could travel to the East and return with a gaggle of young female consorts because the orphanages are packed with girls. If a family didn’t have the money to bring their child to an orphanage, they would just bury her in the rice fields. I imagine that the rice fields are filled with the bones of little girls.

I bet that is why JOHN LENNON got with YOKO ONO – because of her shrimp and chive dumplings. WOODY ALLEN looks like he has a dumpling fetish too, and I will lay odds that WOODY lets SOON-YI sneak him a pork pancake every now and then.

bang bang!

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: RUDY

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005

the brain

I really shouldn’t hate on this dude because he will be President one day.

And BERNARD KERIK will be the Secretary of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

The Re-Taking of Pelham 1-2-3

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005

ralph kramden

It didn’t take too long for the great American pretext of race to show its face as the Transit Workers Union in New York City bargains to maintain their quality of life. The city’s Mayor, MICHAEL BLOOMBERG has called the Metropolitan Transportation Authority workers “thugs” and the Governor of New York has deemed the strike illegal.

Mayor Bloomberg’s chief argument against these workers is that there are people that want to sell things to New York City’s consumers whose bottom line is being inconvenienced by the strike. WTF?!? I used to biggup MICHAEL BLOOMBERG to anyone that would listen to me because he appeared to be the most progressive politician I had seen in a long time, but now that all the votes are in the Mayor has sided against his own NYC constituents. MTA workers live in the city, they raise their families in the city and they too consume retail goods in the city. If the Mayor was keeping it real he would have blasted the MTA management for their MIS-management of the BILLIONS of dollars of cash that flow through the system. The MTA attempted to give away their billion dollar surplus in order to wash their accounting books before they sat down to contract negotiations with the Transit Workers Union.

I support the MTA workers and I feel sorry for them that they have to bear the figurative cross for the nations’ workforce. From greedy multi-national telecommunication companies like Verizon to barbarous retailers like Wal-Mart, the American worker has been kicked to the curb by capitalism. Who will stand up for our rights to fair wages? Who will stand up for the families of these union members who must also attend schools and work and consume?

Too bad for America that the MTA is filled with so many people of color that it prevents the proper framing of these workers demands for a fair living wage. Like DE LA SOUL said, “the stakes is high” and we are all at a socio-economic-political crossroads. Your phone is tapped, your azz is in debt and your dreams of entering the middle class are evaporating as quickly as the thin veneer that hides the racial and class schisms of New York City.