Archive for June, 2006

Racism At YOUR Workplace

Tuesday, June 6th, 2006

recycle

What if I told you that all of you people that worked in an office setting were contributing to the supremacist idealogy that runs this rap shit? Most of you would deny it I’m sure, but how many of you would openly admit that you were a supremacist sympathizer?

Everytime that you segregate your waste paper into that ‘special’ blue basket you are contributing to racism. Why is it that only the white paper gets to use that basket? Why must the colored paper be lumped along with the coffee cups and sandwich wrappers. Only the white non-stapled paper can be placed in the blue container. Only that paper is good enougfh to be recycled.

You know that you’ve supported this neo-faxist paper segregation from the moment you sat at your cubicle. Never once questioning it’s impropriety or legality. Now is the time for you to shed your corporate cowardice and place a manila inter-office envelope into the blue receptacle. Do you now feel liberated?

I implore you to put everything in the blue basket from now on so that one day little colored balls of crushed paper will mingle with little white balls of crushed paper together in that great shredder in the sky.

I have a dream…

Why Black Boys Don’t Care About Baseball

Monday, June 5th, 2006

m.j.

Let’s see if the New York Times will pick up this story…

Thirteen years ago was the beginning of the death for young Black boys attraction to baseball. It didn’t have to be that way because the most charasmatic athlete since MUHAMMAD ALI was about to put on a pair of cleats and attempt to hit a breaking ball. MICHAEL JORDAN had retired from the Association and he was contemplating bringing his rare air to the Major Leagues. Unlike the great two-sport athletes of our time like BO JACKSON and DEION SANDERS, JORDAN was in a universe all of his own. He was a national hero that had a global following.

m.j.

Baseball’s attraction for African American youth had been waning since the late seventies. Ever since we found out that REGGIE JACKSON was actually a Mexican Puerto Rican. Latin players were now becoming the rising minority demographic in the MLB and the Black players inside the league had all of the charisma of a wet paper bag. Great players like RICKEY HENDERSON were confusing to Black kids because he often talked in the third person. Right inside of the city that JORDAN ruled with his Bulls teammates there was a popular young slugger who himself was on the verge of stardom. His name was FRANK THOMAS and we shall heretofore refer to him as player hater supreme.

m.j.

Instead of welcoming JORDAN’s presence into the Chicago White Sox, THOMAS lashed out at him for his attempt at playing baseball. THOMAS argued that there was some kid somewhere that wasn’t getting the chance to play baseball on the highest level because of the roster exception that was given to JORDAN. Nevermind the fact that JORDAN wasn’t placed on the White Sox major league team, he was only offered a minor league contract and a chance to tryout. What THOMAS was really afraid of was that JORDAN would steal his little bit of Chi-Town shine. It wasn’t enough for JORDAN to own Chicago for six months out of the year, but now he was going to own it 24-7-365.

Because of FRANK THOMAS’ hate JORDAN was unmotivated to pursue baseball with the zeal that he normally displayed. He played a bunch of minor league games and he even hit a couple of minor league home runs, but JORDAN never got to shoot the shot on the MLB big stage. Too bad for us because that could have been the one thing to motivate Black kids to look at baseball in a real sense and not just something for which to buy an oversized jersey and hat.

m.j.

Imagine BeYONCE As Your Step-Mom

Monday, June 5th, 2006

bey-z

I have millions of pictures of JAY-Z and BeYONCE hanging out together and they all amount to nothing more than a well crafted publicity stunt. I mean, how hard would it be NOT to knock up BeYONCE? JAY-Z surely isn’t getting any younger. I try to imagine the DNA combo of the greatest idiot savant rapper(yes, greater than NAS) and the most shallow and blank pretty face since FARRAH FAWCETT. But as every year passes and every event continues to show them sitting next to each other, my hopes for a seedling from this Negro entertainment union juggernaut slip further away.

Why won’t JAY-Z make her reproduce? Anyone that comes from Mz. Be’s Texas hometown already knows that she’s had an abortion from her high school sweetheart, so you know her eggs are poppin’ fresh. And JAY-Z isn’t as teh ghey as we had previously thought. Anyone that works at 555 West 57th Street knows that JAY-Z knocked up FREE and forced her to go to the vacuum dealers. Their parts are obviously in working order.

The biggest rumor that was circling through Hip-Hop sites last week was that JAY-Z has a child with a miscellaneous video ho vixen and that he has paid the woman off handsomely to live in London. The subsequent rumor was that SHAM’ROCK was going to bring the kid on stage at Summer Jam as part of his last ditch attempt to save his career in crap music. I bet that SHAM doesn’t even have the money left in his account to fly the child and his mother to New York via coach class. JAY-Z wins again, but what about this illegitimate child?

This means that some lucky kid could be having the ultimate Black woman as a step-mom. Technically, you can still tap your step-mom, especially if she never marries your dad. This kid in London is too fucking lucky.

N.Y.C. KRAK MUSIC

Sunday, June 4th, 2006

cx release party

I’ve known Christopher X for a while. I’m talking early-90’s. Before
he had his green dreaded mohawk. Back when he was in the NOI (hence
the name). I’m talking block parties featuring the K.I.N., featuring a
young dancer / axe wielding named Saul Williams.

I’m talking Bad Brains and Parliament, Nirvana and Bambatta, Robert
Crumb and Crack (good old fashioned crack, like the one you got behind
you). It all went in his brain and it’s all out now on his new CD.

His long-awaited debut CD is out NOW, CX Kidtronik’s KRAK ATTACK is
here now. It features High Priest of Antipop, Ram:ell:zee, Angelo
Moore of Fishbone, MF Grimm, and Agallah (of Purple City). I couldn’t
be more proud, come hear it for yourselves, absorb it to your brain.

KING TEE

king tee

DALLASPENN.COM: Still Caring About Young Girls

Sunday, June 4th, 2006

legs mahoney

How many of you remember the feature that we were going to run called ‘Dead Girl of the Month Club‘?!? That one didn’t really take off so we shelved it. I mean, hey, everything can’t strike gold like the name NIKKI ‘HOOPZ’ ALEXANDER. Well, I ain’t sayin’ she’s a golddigger…

So today in my mailbox I received another picture of a MySpace runaway, and being the community minded person that I am I decided to post it in the chance that she hasn’t been killed yet and left on the side of the road in a burlap sack.

dead girl

No name, just a cute 13yr. old face from Philadelphia. All of you ladies over 13 remember how difficult that time in your lives was. The kids that use the internets today have a world opened up for them, but the package doesn’t have any safety instructions.

I am sure that she came to NYC too because if you take the SEPTA to NJTransit into Penn Station you will be in midtown Manhattan for only $20. I imagine that she is planning on coming into the music business. Let’s just pray that she doesn’t let the music business come inside of her.

kellz