Archive for January, 2007

SECRET LIVES of GHETTO CELEBS

Friday, January 12th, 2007

jjack

From the looks of her hardening clayface fixed-smile and the demonic symbols hanging from her balloon boobery necklace I am now scared to shit of the gods that JANET JACKSON prays to. Oh, and yeah, NSFW.

jjack

BROOOOOOOOOOOKLYNNNNNN!!!

Thursday, January 11th, 2007

jay

or, SHAWN CARTER is the boss of me.

After years of hating on the proposed development over the Atlantic Avenue railyards in Brooklyn I have come around to seeing it built. Not because the developer has agreed to set aside any additional units for local minority residents and not even because the developer has agreed to include minority owned businesses in the contract bidding process. BRUCE RATNER will never agree to either of those stipulations. My single reason for warming up to this inevitable project is the proposal that will create a bigger and better Brooklyn Technical High School.

B.T.H.S. is where I learned the principals of drafting, which they called technical drawing. Tech drawing is the foundation for speaking the language of engineering. When you start to understand the principals of engineering you begin to comprehend the inner workings of the machine world and how parts work together like gears and cogs. In a very real yet rudimentary way you learn that in order to be productive you have to work together. I also learned how to draft on AutoCAD which has carried me through my professional career some twenty years later. Without a college degree and without a BTHS diploma I was still able to form a semblance of a life when I wasn’t busy trying to fuck it up. Whoever says that public high schools don’t prepare kids for life has never been to Brooklyn Tech.

I created a drawing in one of my AutoCAD classes of a futuristic concert hall. I imagined that the facade would have large glass openings that gave the building an image of inclusivity. It was quite different from how I felt about the Brooklyn Academy of Music’s architecture, which was too old and stuffy. Thanks to the Old Jew, another Brooklyn expatriot, who hired this high school dropout I would come to refine my AutoCAD skills under the tutelage of a master architect, and I would understand to appreciate classic architecture like the B.A.M. building. Being a master architect requires much engineering knowledge and the Old Jew further taught me how all the parts fit together. We’ll talk about him one of these days.

One day I showed the Old Jew my elevation drawings of the future concert hall with the huge curtan glass windows and the rooftop gardens that held fruit bearing trees. The younger graduate architects that worked in his office ridiculed the drawings for their relative simplicity and illogical premise. The Old Jew looked at the drawings and told me that it was all possible. I can remember to this day how that single sentence from him has empowered me ever since I was seventeen years old.

nets arena

nets arena

When I first saw the images rendered of the architectural model for the new arena slated to be constructed in the Atlantic Yards development I immediately thought about the words of the Old Jew. He never once told me a lie. There was my design being manifested after all these years. The Old Jew returned back home to Brooklyn and he sent me a message. A tree still grows in Brooklyn.

If BRUCE RATNER and JAY-Z will create another building that teaches children the fundamentals of engineering and gives them a place to dream of what might be then I should support them wholeheartedly.

DALLASPENN Dot Com is for the children.

LADIES, TONI BRAXTON WILL TAKE YOUR MAN

Thursday, January 11th, 2007

tb

To understand the situation behind JASON KIDD and his baby momma JOUMANA you have to let me rewind back to the 1995 NBA season. Back then the Dallas Mavericks were a promising young squad. ROY TARPLEY had made a brief return from the rehab clinic. GEORGE McCLOUD was throwing up three pointers like he was the resurrection of MARK AGUIRRE, but the nucleus and the excitement for this team came from the ‘3-J’s. Point guard JASON KIDD, shooting guard/swingman JIM JACKSON and small forward JAMAL MASHBURN. Like all the classic Western Conference clubs these boys could fill up the rim. And it wasn’t just the basketball rim that these three dudes enjoyed putting their balls into. There was a hot young rhythm and blues chanteuse that was also the affection of their eyes. All of their eyes.

tb

Back then, TONI BRAXTON was reigning queen of artists working on the Atlanta based Arista imprint, LaFace Records. As famous as TONI was for selling records she was equally notorious in the NBA late night circle. TONI liked to double up too. SCOTTIE PIPPEN and MICHAEL JORDAN made her breathe again. ALONZO MOURNING and LARRY JOHNSON both used their inside game on TONI. She was so gully that she let MUGGSY blaze as well. ‘ZO and Grandmama seemed to catch feelings that they were sharing her put, but nothing was as bad as the off the court rift that developed when JAMAL MASHBURN, JASON KIDD and JIM JACKSON started hitting that freeway threeway. It wasn’t enough for JIM JACKSON to be the Mavericks high scorer on the court. He wanted all the glitter off the court as well. He started catching feelings when he learned that TONI BRAXTON had other business in Dallas. What he didn’t realize is that TONI was just gully like that.

tb

Ask her sisters TRACI, TRINA, TOWANDA, and TAMAR who she left in the dust at LaFace. Those broads are running around shoplifting costume jewelry now. Just because some Black chick is liteskin don’t think she can’t be a ghetto desperado with no scruples. Especially when your parents give you all halfrican names. When she came to New York to work on Broadway she was paid a visit from JASON KIDD who apparently still had a place in his heart for that gully poon despite the fact that he was knee deep in a hellish marriage to some former stripper er, model. When JOUMANA KIDD sent her waterhead son to rifle through his dad’s pockets do you know whose phone number came up? All I can say for you women that have husbands playing in the NBA right now is protect your neck come All-Star weekend. The game will be played in Las Vegas where TONI has been headlining at the Flamingo Hotel and Casino.

tb

PAWNS GET PWNED IN THE GAME…

Thursday, January 11th, 2007

saddam

The only reason I wish SADDAM was still alive is so that he could be killed again. As it stands now there have been approximately 750,000 Iraqis killed since the United States invasion in 2003. The total number of people murdered in the region far exceeds that number if you consider that the war on these people has been waged ever since we found oil in their desert.

The installation of SADDAM HUSSEIN as a post-colonialism puppet continued the assault on humanity unabated. Make believe borders and names like Iranians, Kurds, Shiite, whatever, are used by supremacy to deny people their basic human rights. SADDAM and the millions of people in the middle east that have been killed for oil were all just pawns on the supremacists’ chess board. The only difference between SADDAM from the rest is that he actively chose his role.

When SADDAM was hung so expeditiously it was in full confidence that all of the dossiers of information regarding Western manipulation had been purged and obliterated. Nation building and resource stealing is messy international business and the efforts of our government to stifle the expansion of other sovereign nations might not look too good if it gets put out on front street. SADDAM had to die as he was a connection to more than his own misdeeds, but those of American leaders and their wealthy corporations.

News media has bitched and moaned about the barbarism which was displayed during SADDAM’s execution without acknowledging their role in the production. Dignity and integrity in broadcasting has been waylaid to express the salaciousness and primal bloodlust that is the human condition. Truth to tell you, without America’s intervention I’d be surprised if SADDAM’s execution would have contained as much dignity as it did. These are Persians at their core. They have no problem tying someone to the back of a horse which then runs around the town square while people throw stones at them. And this treatment is for people that they like.

We Americans prefer to take a man’s dignity in other ways…

saddam

DP Dot Com x OhWord Dot Com 2.0

Wednesday, January 10th, 2007

bodega

Guess who’s bizzack?!? The latest video is titled ‘Bodega’ and it features OhWord Dot Com’s RAFI KAM and I doing what it is we do. It took us a lot longer to get all the clearances in order for this clip since we are doing it legal like. VIDEOMASTER CAS films us as we travel around New York City and uncover some urban treasures. RAFI and I are going hardbody after the titles of ‘Internets Celebrities’. I mean hey, since no one else claimed it we figured we should.

For most city dwellers it has become a chore to find supermercados that carry an array of fresh vegetales daily. There are megastores like Pathmark and WholeFoods, but why don’t the local bodegas keep stock in healthy foods? The only thing green, leafy and fresh in a bodega will be the mint flavored Dutch Master cigar (and surprisingly good I might add).

The bodega contains a nutritional system that can only be consumed by those with the steel lining required for all ghetto stomachs. For these people, green, leafy plants don’t provide nearly the same amount of vitamins that a two for $1 iced honey bun has. Combine that with a two for $1 Tropical Fantasy Passion Fruit Punch drink and you are looking at a year’s supply of high fructose corn syrup, all for a dollar.

Bodegas are not just essential to the ghetto food pyramid. but also especially essential to the ghetto alternate economy. This is the economy based on loose menthol cigarettes. Strangely enough their ratio is also two for $1. Without Bodegas how would preteens know which malt liquor to purchase? And where would a young gangsta buy his first set of dice? That’s why I say “Long Live The Bodega!” Or at least our video version of it.


Bodega – Directors Cut – video powered by Metacafe