Archive for June, 2007

HOTTENTOT VENUS 2006 (ReMix)

Wednesday, June 6th, 2007

hottentot venus

The Model Minority was kind enough to lace us a few months back with a blurb on the sad story of the SAARTJIE BAARTMAN, the Venus of Hottentot. This is one of the many tragic African characters that faced the three headed Cerberus of colonialism, racism and supremacy. This character was reviled for her natural ample posterior when in the same Victorian culture women wore an apparatus to give them the image of having such a backside. It’s completely nutty to me when I look at her story now because she was openly persecuted, yet secretly idolized and fetishized for her body.

The two major examples of the mainstream media’s continuous Black woman ass fetish are my brownskin baby momma SERENA WILLIAMS a/k/a Court Chocolate a/k/a SHE-HULK and everyone’s favorite high yellow songstress, BeYONCE KNOWLES. Both these ladies are first rate entertainers, but folks in the media can’t get away from what really makes these women popular to them — their big asses.

serena

The New York Times was remarking on how heavy SERENA had become and they even chirped alongside JOHN McENROE and his superiors that said her extre-tennis lifestyle was ruining her power game. I remember when this same McENROE said that VEUNS and SERENA’s power games were ruining women’s tennis. McENROE should go to Hell and die.

My other Hottentot Venus is the purposely vacuous BeYONCE KNOWLES. I’m not old enough to remember the superstar grooming of DIANA ROSS, but I can see some connections between the two now that BeYONCE has immersed herself into acting. I know why DIANA ROSS tried so hard to get us to like her, because she had a difficult background, but with BeYONCE I am a little disturbed. She is completely overexposed for someone who is reportedly only 26. She’s not just burning herself out but she’s burning me out as well. Her name and likeness is attached tp so much crap they will need to give her brand products their own wing at Wal-Mart by the time she reaches 30.

beyonce

I’m all for people coming up in the game and making some money so I don’t begrudge BeYONCE her success it’s just that her rapid oversaturation is going to cause a backlash where we will question what we enjoy about her so much.

In the end(pun wholly intended), the MSM doesn’t care about BeYONCE’s staying power because they will invent some celebrity to replace her even if they have to dig through a D-list garbage pail of Black talent. BUFFIE the Body anyone?

buffie

MATT MURDOCK Was My Nigga (ReMix)

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

181cover

Peace to my dude COMBAT JACK (no BB for DD).

The above pictured comic book is the climax to one of the most intense love stories that you will find in graphic literature. Marvel Comics was so fucking bomb azz back in the days because their characters felt so real. Motherfuckers were hell’a conflicted and bi-polar before we even had the term for that shit. The good guys were often borderline criminals and the crooks were fucking insane. The appeal for Marvel was that they weren’t afraid to give young writers and artists a chance to shine. The truth was that they couldn’t afford to pay anybody either so they let their creative staff have pretty much free rein.

There was a young writer/artist named FRANK MILLER who took over the book and he made the Daredevil character one of the most down azz heroes in the comic universe. Daredevil’s alter-ego was a blind defense attorney named MATTHEW MURDOCK. Daredevil was somewhat the Marvel counterpoint to Batman. He operated mainly at nighttime and he used the shadows and the dark as his accomplice. Daredevil operated mainly in Manhattan and FRANK MILLER would use New York City streetscapes as backdrops and occasionally the latent character. Daredevil was a cool street motherfucker too. He would be fucking up the ‘H’ and ‘C’ pushers as he made his way to getting the head of the mafia underworld, the Kingpin.

The Kingpin was getting tired of Daredevil fucking up his racketeering so he hired this sociopath named Bullseye to kick Daredevil’s ass. Bullseye was a major badass. He had been mindfucked by some secret government agency and turned into a killing machine. He was cut loose when they realized that they couldn’t control him. Nigga was so sick he would kill motherfuckers by cutting thir larynx with a playing card. He threw a pencil into this dude’s eye socket one time. When Kingpin contracted Bullseye to kill Daredevil, Bullseye was going to do it for no money down. He just wanted the rush. No happs jack. In the end, Daredevil would always fuck Bullseye up with his own weapons.

Kingpin found out about this sick lady ninja assassin and he hired her to kill Daredevil. As the story goes MATT MURDOCK and this chick, ELEKTRA, were lovers back in college. She had to get disappeared when her dad was killed by some organized crime dudes. ELEKTRA’s real mission was to come back to New York and get close enough to the Kingpin to kill him, but now that she knows that Daredevil is her old love she can’t complete her job. MATT MURDOCK/Darevil wants ELEKTRA to get out of the killing game and lay up with him. The baddest part was when they were first reunited, Daredevil could recognize old girl by her smell. There is nothing more sensuous than a chick that has the pheromone combination that moves your manhood. Mind you that I am reading these books as a 10yr old so I didn’t appreciate the sexy shit until later.

Because ELEKTRA doesn’t fulfill her contract and now she is running the streets with Daredevil fucking up more of the Kingpin’s money she becomes a target. Bullseye takes the contract to kill Elektra thinking that it will emotionally weaken Daredevil. ELEKTRA is no fucking joke, but it’s a man’s world and Bullseye takes her ninja sword from her and shanks her good. ELEKTRA crawls back to MATT MURDOCK’s crib and dies in his arms. ELEKTRA’s death weighed pretty heavy on me too since only a year prior the X-Men creative team had JEAN GREY committing suicide in front of her one and only love, SCOTT SUMMERS.

elektra

ELEKTRA’s death was raw and filled with graphic pain and not heroic like Phoenix’ demise. You felt so much anger at Bullseye because he gleefully laughed at her as she bled like like a dog. I never wanted to kick someone’s ass as bad as I wanted to fuck up Bullseye. I wasn’t the only dude with blood in my eye. Your boy MATT MURDOCK brought it to Bullseye on some cataclysmic shit and broke every bone in his body. That wouldn’t be enough to make up for the loss of his love, but it felt good.

This is why Marvel Comics was that illustrative crack. Superman would never duff nobody out like this.

181cover

The Dark Phoenix Saga (ReMix)

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

jean grey

Copping those Air Max 90’s reminded me of how much I enjoyed the Dark Phoenix saga inside the X-Men comic book series. As a matter of fact I think this event was sadder for me then learning that there wasn’t a Santa Claus. Jean Grey was a woman that was endowed with an incredible amount of uncontrollable power. It wasn’t long before she was corrupted and then consumed by that power. I wanted her to win in the end, but what I didn’t realize is that sometimes death is a victory. It still hurts though.

Walk with me for a minute as we go through the issues that lead up to her demise…

134

X-MEN #134
The X-Men defeat the Knights of the Hellfire Club, but in the process they lose Jean Grey forever. Her mind was altered by the villain Mastermind, who was impersonating a Victorian era gentleman named Jason Wyngarde. In the process of infiltrating Jean Grey’s brain Mastermind unlocked some of the pyschic barriers that Professor X had installed to keep Jean Grey from realizing the potential of the Phoenix power. Now that the Phoenix was unleashed it repaid Mastermind by essentially performing a lobotomy on him without the surgery, reducing Mastermind to the comicbook version of TERRI SCHIAVO. The Phoenix then becomes the Dark Phoenix.

135

X-MEN #135
Defeating the Hellfire Club was simple compared to trying to tame the raw fury of the Dark Phoenix. Part of the reason the X-Men are having difficulty is because they don’t want to hurt Jean Grey while trying to put the Dark Phoenix in check. No dice. The Dark Phoenix knows all of their weaknesses and it doesn’t want to be stifled. In short, the X-Men’s ass is grass.

136

X-MEN #136
The Phoenix force has totally consumed Jean Grey’s body and is out of control. Drunk with freedom it traveled into another solar system and consumed an entire star, similiar to the Sun that our Earth rotates around. Unfortunately, the star was also the life giver to the planets within its system and one of those planets was inhabited by billions of lifeforms that were all killed when the Dark Phoenix consumed the star. The Dark Phoenix was an out of control universal force. Some say the Dark Phoenix is more powerful than Galactus. For whatever reason the Dark Phoenix returned to Earth it gave the X-Men one last chance to defeat it. Professor X recruited Jean Grey’s parents in the hopes that they might be able to reach whatever was left of Jean’s pysche that the Dark Phoenix had not corrupted. With that small opening the Professor engaged in a telepathic duel with the Dark Phoenix for the soul of Jean Grey. With Jean’s help the Professor was barely able to subdue the Dark Phoenix.

137

X-MEN #137
For my money this is the greatest comicbook ever created. The art and the story are the most incredible flight of fancy and emotion that I have ever ridden. FRANK MILLER’s Daredevil and Dark Knight books are a close second and third, but if I could only have one single issue of any comic title it would be this one. The X-Men are kidnapped by the Imperial Guard and Jean Grey is placed on trial for the crimes that the Phoenix has committed. The X-Men offer to duel with the Imperial Guard for Jean’s life and a battle royale ensues. The X-Men are getting their asses handed to them on a platter when suddenly the Phoenix re-emerges to thump out everybody. Jean Grey can feel the power surging inside of her and before she can be transformed again into the Dark Phoenix she decides to take her own life. Cyclops can be seen crying over her ashes as the book concludes. Classic good shit.

138

X-MEN #138
A chapter ends for the X-Men as Scott Summers leaves the group after the loss of his true love. Scott and Jean were the last two members of the original team that were still with the group, but after this issue the X-Men will be comprised of only members that came on in issue #94.

JOHN BYRNE and CHRIS CLAREMONT did a masterful job on the X-Men series and despite the difficulties that these two creative people had working with each other the end product is something greater than they could have ever created alone. Because of these comic books I wanted to become a writer so that Jean Grey would live on forever, but alas, nothing lasts forever.

Except for love.

JAY-Z Screws The Working Man (No TEDDY PENDERGRASS ReMix)

Monday, June 4th, 2007

brown penis

I might have been the only person that wasn’t overjoyed with the news that JAY-Z was recording another album despite his claims of retirement. Black people have been running through the streets hugging and greeting each other as if O.J. were being acquitted a second time. Albeit, this will prah’lee be the best rap album released in 2006, topping the highly anticipated offerings from NAS and RAEKWON. With a look at the level of production lined up for this disk I can’t see how it will lose… KANGHEY, Dr.DRE and the 2006 recipient for the Bagger Vance award, TIMBERLAND (Bagger Vance awards are given to beneficent Black folk who help white get their shit right – MORGAN FREEMAN usually wins this annually).

If I were still 16 years old I would be excited about this news, but because I am a grown azz man I see a much bigger picture than just a forty year old man holding a microphone. I see a man who had worked at a profession and retired only to be forced to unretire by the people that were paying out his 401k. Universal needs a JAY-Z album just to stay in the black for this fiscal year. They don’t believe that NAS will turn in an inspired disk and they aren’t ballsy enough to bank on their stable of vets like JOE BUDDENS or the great REDMAN. So the T.I.’s at Island Records go to their ace in the hole. JAY-Z has a lust for the fame already and he has been writing rhymes to FOXY BROWN’s music ever since we all found out that she was only making deaf jams. He’s been itching to make a comeback and Universal/Island Records is desperate to sell some CD’s. Everything is not right with the world though…

JAY-Z’s unretirement is destroying the quality of life for the working class American. The precedent he is establishing is one that will be carried over into the real world as companies now bring their retirees back to the workplace in order for them to maintain their health coverage. Forget your dreams of retirement in sunny Ocala because your azz will have to stay at the mill until you die. You might as well terminate that deferred compensation plan and spend the money now on Cristal Dom Perignon and car wheels. Hip-Hop has just shattered your dreams of wearing flip flops.

ROC-A-FELLA y’all

Pop Music Singers Are Putting Ho’s Out Of Business (ReMix)

Monday, June 4th, 2007

Mz.B

I have to say that GLAMAZON was talking to me about this subject a while back. Pop music singers are pushing street walkers and ho’s out of business because they are making sex too accessible and too cheap. They’re also making it too young for their immature adolescent consumers to understand it’s ramifications.

This isn’t to say that pop music singers weren’t always glorified prostitutes, both men and women. A bunch of skanky street hustlers with some glitter shirts on. Shaking their money makers for old white men who incidentally preferred men to women. How you doin’ DIDDY?!? The bottom line was that they were all grown azz people and even though it was still pop music their image did not appeal to a younger audience. There were no little girls dressing like the Mary Jane Girls

mary jane girls

or better yet, VANITY 6.

vanity 6

These were grown azz ho’s and everybody knew that. When they sung about giving oral sex or sticking a finger up a man’s asshole you knew they knew what they were talking about. When I hear sixteen year old CASSIE sing about giving head I have to ask myself, “Self, does this pretty face really know how to lick the underside of my balls as well as tongue kiss my taint?”

assie

Or is she just another pretty face all dolled up in grown woman’s make up? Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for young woman expressing their natural biological desires, if they feel like they have to. ROBERT SYLVESTER KELLY picks up my slack when the age meter dips below 17. It’s just that I am tired of listening to these young girls singing songs about how many cocks they can hold when they haven’t even been peed on yet.

JiggaMan, please handle your young ho protege.

rihanna