INTERNERDS STAND UP!
This flick is playing now at the Ziegfield on West 54th Street and Thursday is the last night of the run. Whoever is in the mood to catch this joint on the big screen should hit me up [ll] some kind of way so we can politic this flick. I went to the re-opening this past Friday and sure enough the movie was even better than I remembered it. RUTGER HAUER and EDWARD JAMES OLMOS pwned this shit.
It is going down so crazy on FaceBook right now you can’t even imagine. It’s like the BlackPlanet all over again, except these chicks have all their teeth in their mouth. Check out shorty here from one of the design houses on Fashion Avenue here in New York City. She looks like she can work a pole a lil’ somethin’ too.
She must get it from her momma. I need to holla at ol’ girl and see what is really poppin’, although when a grown ass woman is looking this good I already know that I don’t have the paper to keep the Botox bubblin’.
DALLAS PENN vs. BILLY X. SUNDAY every day at XXL Mag Dot Com
Between artists no longer being able to remember lines to songs and being proud of this fact and Diddy smacking the shit out of another clubgoer, we have this most recent parade of rappers being arrested for shit that is decidedly NOT smart dumb rapper shit. Clifford ‘T.I.’ Harris is the latest casualty of the rap music race to the bottom. Why the fuck T.I. needed a shitload of guns in his possession will be examined and discussed in the next few weeks. Because I’m a blogger and I don’t do much else other than sit around in my mom’s basement and hit up free pr0n websites I have the free time to think about the reasons why one of Atlanta’s most popular pop music icons would be building a private arsenal on his palatial compound. Guess what bitches?! Yep, it’s another list.
1) Research for the ‘American Gangster’ sequel titled ‘African-American Hitman’. How ridiculous is the idea that some Black dude was running a narcotics operation that netted millions of dollars without any white hands getting paid trillions. Keep in mind that Blacks don’t harvest poppy or coca leaves, nor do they own the manufacturing systems that refine narcotics into a usable product. Blacks don’t even own the factories that make the tiny little baggies or the vials that couldn’t hold anything usable but drugs. Blacks are the last stop on the chain and it ain’t like white isn’t counting every single ounce. You ever see the ledgers they maintained during the Atlantic Ocean chattel trade? White knew exactly how many niggers he was getting for a barrel of rum and several canes of sugar.
2) Staging a Civil War re-enactment with live weapons and ammunition. Who knew T.I. was such a history buff? It could be that he was just putting together a high school production of the battle at Shiloh with some Gwinnett County teenagers and instead of using those crappy old muskets from the 1800’s he decided to give the production an updated feel with assault rifles and handguns equipped with silencers. Instead of arresting dude people should be giving him credit for pursuing a realistic angle in this re-enactment. Kids should be given real firearms if you are going to teach them how to pose for pictures pointing the guns at the camera and scowling.
3) Arming the Ugandan rebels in order to overthrow the dictatorial regime in that African nation. The higher purpose that T.I. had for buying all those firearms was really to spread democracy throughout Africa. After watching the Leonardo DiCaprio movie ‘Blood Diamond’ T.I. was inspired to help the Ugandans and Sudanese and the Eritreans obtain their independence from foreign oil or some shit like that. Listen, I don’t know nor do I give a fuck about that shit that is going on in Africa, but maybe T.I. does so don’t hate the man for trying to reconnect with his African brothers.
4) T.I. was just keeping his shit extra Hip-Hop and ordered all those guns from XXL magazine owner Harris Publications related websites.
5) T.I. needs all those guns to defend his bowtie collection. In the latest Complex magazine T.I. admitted to spending over a million dollars a year on clothing including 100K annually on handmade silk bowties. Don’t hate T.I.’s southern dandy steez. Blame it on Tip. Take that Fonsworth Bentley.
I can’t imagine any other reason that an entertainer would need to be purchasing military class assault rifles equipped with silencers, but I sure am happy I didn’t review his trainwreck of an album this summer. If I had I would definitely be watching my back.
BTW, all cRap Music Fantasy League label owners with T.I. net a cool 300 points for his arrest as opposed to only 100 points for his appearance on the B.E.T. Hip-Hop awards show. Whack entertainment network stays losing.
A couple of months ago El Gringo Colombiano mentioned a breakthrough innovation he developed for internets communication. He noticed and understood the need for the refrain “No Homo” after certain phrases were typed in a drop or it’s subsequent discussion thread. What EGC then created was a simple symbol for expressing this sentiment. At first I was skeptical of the practical use of this graphic description. I need to give EGC his props though for submitting a compelling and well thought out argument for the implementation of [ll].
First, here are some of the phrases that one might use after saying something that might be misconstrued as gay…
No homo No brokeback No Sheryl Swoopes No Greg Louganis No Luther Vandross’ curl activator kit Nullus Pause
Of all the phrases listed above nullus had risen to prominence solely from the ubiquity of the website ByronCrawford Dot Com. While nullus is an effective word for its use of maybe Latin and its brevity, the word pause has recently replaced it on the internets and in current colloquial usage. The advantage of pause over nullus is that when uttering the word pause we use only one syllable. This conserves breathing which in turn reduces our carbon dioxide emissions which ultimately saves the planet from the greenhouse effect. EGC is more deserving of a Nobel prize than the long-winded, greenhouse gas inducing AL GORE. Lucky for GORE he created the internets.
The second point of this innovation is the benefit to internets users for applying the [ll] glyph to your statements is that [ll] requires even less strokes than the word pause [ll]. Keystrokes, as it were. [ll] so closely resembles the pause tab on many media players it should be heretofore universally accepted as the standard for expressing one’s non homo-osity. The use of [ll] allows writers and commenters to express their support for same sex civil unions [ll], the all gay Olympic games [ll], and the total enjoyment of KanYe West’s latest album ‘Graduation’ [ll].
It’s forward thinking like this that has made the internets the bastion for new millenium neo-intellectualism and it’s my dream that man can one day return to his artistic zenith where images and glyphs spoke volumes about his aspirations and desires. Language is too divisive and cumbersome. Emoticons and acronyms are the cave paintings of the future.
Long before LUCY LAWLESS was the toast of the town at the all-girl parties featuring her Xena character there was Red Sonja. Her shocking red hair was only surpassed by her shocking double-D milk cans that seemed to want to fly off the comic pages. You were almost embarrassed to look at them for too long, but you couldn’t help yourself. I blame it on her fiery red hair and her lack of freckled skin.
Red Sonja was this rare freakishly beautiful specimen who pretty much would kill any man that even whistled at her on some bullshit. She did not suffer bitchmade fools lightly. The only man to tap that ass was Conan the Barbarian and even he had to knock her ass out and hit that shit while she was still unconscious. You didn’t want to eff with Red Sonja unless she was bound tightly by her hands and her feet. I imagine that Red Sonja’s comicbook steez was the inspiration for LORENA BOBBIT.