Archive for May, 2008

50 Is The New 30…

Saturday, May 17th, 2008

bassett

I have been steady telling you fools that sexy grandmas are the truth. Mainstream media will act like the ‘Sex and the City’ movie uncovered this fact, but if you have ever effed with DP you already know we love the ladies slightly past their golden borndays.

There is a sex appeal that these women have I can’t describe. Maybe it comes from the fact that they are smart enough to wear 2.5 inch heels instead of 4in. high joints? Maybe their swagger comes from their level of professional success and wealth? The fact that a woman recognizes her body’s nuances fully is also a factor. What ever it is I can’t call it, but I’m glad for it.

I got a call from one of my lady friends a few weeks ago. She copped a new whip and she wanted to pick me up after work and fall thru an Obama or some such. She’s a great looking 50yr old that I met a few years ago at a Brazilian independence day parade (when I used to chase chicks I used to go in). Homegirl has a nice little Mercedez SUV now, but I declined the offer to take it out for a spin. I already have an instant vintage car parked in a garage in Brooklyn. With gas prices as they are right now I don’t need two rides.

All I’m saying is that this is a beautiful time to find yourself a really good friend and a really great lover who will help you put your ideas in motion and rub it with some lotion. Just move in the opposite direction of ROBERT SYLVESTER KELLY.

EFF TV’s 10 Worst Rappers…

Friday, May 16th, 2008

foxy

Just because I’m using my crack’dberry doesn’t mean that I won’t bring you the latest news from world of cRap music. MTV still imagines their brand is a relevant barometer for the Hip-Hop generation so they produced a program called the 10 Hottest Rappers.

Yawn

If you were somehow under a rock and you don’t own a radio then this programming might be useful for you. But for anyone else that isn’t a 13yr old white girl from the suburbs you already know the deal.

I want to launch a brand of internets videos called EFF TV. Its time to put some realness back into reality programming. Who the fuck cares who the hottest rapper is? That shit sounds like something Paris Hilton cares about. I care about who the worst rappers are. Who are the people that grab the mic and make you wish that Mike Tyson had bitten both of your ears off just so you wouldn’t have to listen to their bullshit. Here’s a list of the worst rappers in the game right now.

1) Foxy Brown – The brown fox has spent so much time in the box she needs to kicks rocks from rapping.

2) Soulja Boy Tell’em – Despite the fact that he might be selling more records than Wu Tang and DeLa Soul combined this dude has zero point zero rapping ability.

3) Jim Jones – Why is he still releasing records? Who is buying that shit? Don’t let me find out that iFux and El Gringo Colombiano bought the two copies of ‘Harlem Gangster’?

4) Lloyd Banks – Banks get worse and worse each year. Tony Yayo is now better than him.

5) Remy Martin – Eight years in prison will push her into the number one slot.

6) Tupac – The G.W.O.A.T.

7) Lil’ Wayne – You already know he is on his way to the hall of fame for cRappers. I mean crappers.

8) Double O – Word on the streets is that the Kids In The Hall beatmaker rhymes worse than DJ Premier.

9) T-Pain – This dude has singlehandedly ruined both rap and R&B with that gotdamn voice modulator.

10) Jermaine Dupri – Possibly the most potent combination of lackluster lyrics and swaggerjacked production since P Diddy.

janet

Same Damn ‘Lo Sweater…

Friday, May 16th, 2008

lo sweater

I’m computerless until I get back to Freeport so bear with me party people. It’s 2am and I am sitting on a park bench on Eastern Parkway like the bum I am. Albeit a bum in a cotton RL knit and a crispy pair of Dunk Lo’s that I popped the tag on today.

I just got back to BK from the city and one of the best Obamas so far this season. Courvosier and LRG did it up big, Frank White style. Free food, free swag (prA’li members check your snail mail soon) and free top shelf ‘yac. Courvosier Exclusif. Ha! Niggas should like this shit.

First off, its fucking good. They flavored it with cinnamon and vanilla hints. If you are on some fancy negro thug Hennessy Privilege shit then you need to step your snifter game up.

Niggas like shit that is difficult to pronounce. I can’t say Courvosier properly now because I am fucked the fuck up. I got to turn around quick this morning too and get my day grind popping serious. The folks in my progress meeting better like the smell of sweat, ass and alcohol because those are the scents coming through my pores today. H.A.M.diggy.

Sheeeeeit. If I didn’t have those scents I wouldn’t have any because you know I ain’t got no more sense in my head. Three straight nights of totally free cognac and I may need a liver replacement by Sunday

40Diesel rolled through with the Mighty Healthy crew and after the Obama we hit up another joint. That Estelle song has been my shit for the entire spring. I get my bounce right off that joint. Coordinated bigman steeZo of course.

Depending on how hard I go in for Round 2 tonight I may not see you fools until next week. Bigup to the folks over at the radio show Obsessive Sneaker Disorder(Google that shit since making the code for hyperlinks on a blackberry is insane). I was building with these cats during their last episode and I sort of O.D.’ed. They had to shut my microphone off. Love is love though and they invited me back to promote the upcoming Sneaker Fiends United! NYC tours.

I will go upstairs and catch me some Z’s now that I am confident I won’t be vomiting.

Courvosier: For negroes what knows that classy shit

lo sweater

THE IRON MAN EFFECT…

Thursday, May 15th, 2008

iron man

Now that the lustre of the ‘Iron Man’ movie has worn off I can delve into some of the subtext that I encountered in the film. What was interesting to me was how this film openly expressed the all too cozy nature that our government has with the military industrial complex and how arms dealers can comfortably trade weaponry with nations states and political actors no matter who those weapons might be trained against the following morning.

Stark Industries was for all practical purposes General Electric. We regard G.E. mostly as a company that manufactures washing machines and benign lightbulbs, but the big profit for G.E. over the last decade has been in their tactical weapons manufacturing. The domestic appliance division is doing so bad that their CEO is looking to sell off the entire operation. It makes all the sense to sell to the Asians since that is where the customer service call center is located anyhoo.

In the ‘Iron Man’ movie when Tony Stark, the fictional CEO of Stark Industries decides that his company will only manufacture domestically beneficial goods the company’s stock fell through the floor. Why is death and destruction so profitable? This is where Hollyweird gives us an actual glimpse into the world we live in. Weapons contractors have an incredible sway over our military and they don’t have to play by any of the rules of engagement. We tumble along headlong towards the precipice where the real bad guys will have the real good guns.

Shitgotdamn if we aren’t there now.

Don’t ever forget that U.S. manufacturers armed the Iraqi government. Everybody on this side that works in the Pentagon and has an info clearance tag worth a damn can tell you the exact amount of bullets that we have shipped to them. When we went looking for WMD we did it as the repo man. Even if the arms were outdated, and they were, we still didn’t want them falling into the wrong hands. Meaning, people that didn’t pay for them.

You have taken note of some of the shipments of arms and supplies sent to Iraq that have gone missing? In all my life I have never seen white just shrug his shoulders when shit goes missing. Nope, he goes in there and gets his shit that was stolen and prA’li takes some shit for himself. Just because. The real story of Iron Man is about people so greedy and without morality that they would sell arms to someone just to try out their latest weapon in order to take their guns and bombs back.

These are the children of the same dudes that brokered land treaties with the native Americans. Since when do you think they have anytime to care about anything but money? ‘Iron Man’ was the fantasy that a man could rise above the code of greed embedded into his DNA after generations.

iron man

G DUBBZ Is Still Running From Responsibility…

Thursday, May 15th, 2008

g dubbz

Can’t keep running away…

With only a little over six months left to his dual (duel) term presidency you would think that G DUBBZ would be busy trying to nail down some credibility for the legacy of his administration. Instead all you can see is the unraveling of a political machine that was jury-rigged from the word go.

I laugh to keep from crying when I learn how cynical and manipulating this administration truly is. The taped recording of an off-the-record luncheon with Pentagon officials that was attended by former Secretary of Defense DONALD RUMSFELD is the latest in a long string of incidents that demonstrates how much disregard and contempt this administration has for the American public.

The recording also shows how very ill-prepared these leaders were in their plans to overthrow the regime of SADDAM HUSSEIN. At the end of the day HUSSEIN is exactly the leader that Iraq needed to re-stabilize itself after the foreign occupation and civil war.

Who knew?

Plenty of people knew the deal and this administration actively sought to silence their dissenting views.

Correctly Political: Liquid Lunch with Donald Rumsfeld