Archive for July, 2008

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

running man

Since I am on a futuristic kick this week I figured why not talk about some futuristic kicks. As usual, the swoosh brand is the leader of the pack with a Quickstrike release of Air Max called The Running Man pack.

Twenty years ago the movie ‘The Running Man’ described a futuristic dystopia where contestants of a highly rated game show had to run for their lives to escape the grasp of bloodthirsty executioners called “hunters”.

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You might do a good job of running with a pair of these funky Air Max 90 on your feet. NIKE collaborated with a few streetwear designers to come up with these crazy colorways. Trust me, these look waaaay better in person.

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The colorway of these Air Max 95 appears to have been inspired by the corporate chump mockneck look of JESSE VENTURA. The Air Max 95 is one of NIKE’s supremely iconographic designs. The details I like on these shoes are the the use of textile materials, Kevlar I believe, on the mudguard. The clear gum outsole is a nice touch on a subtle note. These joints here are straight flavor for your instep.

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DP Dot Com Does The Running Man…

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

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Where the hell is Dart at? He would be that dude to say he knew ‘The Running Man’ was originally written by STEPHEN KING. I did not know that for real. It makes sense in hindsight with all the sadistic themes and the lack of faith in society to rise above its own depravity. I just never pictured KING books to translate so perfectly into classic action movies.

Let’s also agree that ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER’s star power also made this movie a classic. Sonn pwned the 1980’s as far as blockbuster films were concerned. I will bet you any amount of money that he will run for president one day on the strength of his filmography. I will be voting for his anti-christ ass too. Did any of you em-effs see ‘Total Recall‘? Thank you.

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The Running Man is another movie where we see that corrupt profit driven corporations clearly administer the duties of the government. In this case we have a single broadcast network that acts as the government’s press secretary. Kind of like how Fox News does right now. Complete with video editors and graphic artists to make sure that the government’s message is properly filtered to keep the populace uninformed. These movies are hilarious timecapsules in the sense that they forecasted how politricks would be played in the future. Guess what party people? Now IS the future.

SCHWARZENEGGER plays the role of a police officer who is framed for the deaths of innocent, unarmed protesters. He manages to escape from the prison he is sent to with the help of my main man YAPHET KOTTO who wears this ridonkulous JAMES BROWN wig. Blacks in the future have it as bad as Blacks do now. Look at blind ass Jordi from Star Trek, or that Black dude from Star Trek with the turtle shell on his forehead. I should be happy about YAPHET KOTTO’s busted wig since there were virtually no Black men in ‘Firefly’ and none whatsoever in ‘BattleStar Galactica’. My bad sonn, there was that jig Cylon.

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SCHWARZENEGGER gets re-apprehended when he returns to the quote unquote civilization. This is when the corrupt television broadcasting corporation places him on their sadistic prime time show which has convicts attempt to escape termination from various armed “hunters”. This is classic SCHWARZENEGGER good shit as he fills the arena with testosterone and witty punchlines (literally) in his trademark butchered english accent. He delivers lines from his previous films as he terminates the hunters one by one. I enjoy his exchanges with co-star MARIA CONCHITA-ALONSO who manages to have as bad an accent as ARNOLD. You almost need subtitles when they are on screen together.

There is so much ass-kicking that you wouldn’t believe it and there is a bevy of top-shelf B-list action movie stars. JESSE VENTURA finds a wig worse than YAPHET KOTTO’s and JIM BROWN sports a frosted flattop. Incidentally, JIM BROWN hasn’t run for governor of any state yet. I just wanted to mention that. He gets his shit blowed the fuck up at the end. Just so you know this movie gets bloody and violent. The bloodlust belongs to the movie viewers as much as the characters on the screen. The society described in ‘The Running Man’ is where we exist now. The future is now and you better get ready to run.

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The iNternets Celebrities Are The Future…

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

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The i.C.’s are the future party people, and the future is now.

Okay the future was then, but you missed it. Here comes the future again right now.

Damn, there it went.

You have to be on time if you want to be part of the future. In the following movie Rafi and I will travel to the future in order to de-segregate breakfast and lunch. Can’t we all sit together at the table of low nutritional value fastfood brotherhood? Hells Chea! But that requires that you get to McDonald’s by 10:55am. Right before the menu board is irrevocably switched from breakfast to lunch. Order your breakfast as you would like it. While you stand at the counter in the moments that will be required for your order to be completed, let’s call that the time-space continuum, place your lunch order.

You have just traveled to the future. It is a place where eggs come together with premium LUNCH chicken meat as well as Swiss cheese, Canadian bacon, French fries and a marvel of American engineering… Syrup-injected bread. This my friends is how you travel on an international spaceship. Don’t forget to add the premium honey mustard sauce to keep all the parts well lubricated and don’t you dare let anyone ever tell you how to eat your food.

You are from the future…

THE NEW CLASSICS…

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

lo life

Ever since the legendary 1992 series of knits and rugby jerseys (stadium status) was issued I always check hard for Polo Ralph Lauren offerings during suummer Olympics years. There are a few pieces that have caught my attention so far. I need another stitch of clothing like I need a hole in my head, but I can’t help myself when I see that flavorful ish. What more can I say? I’m an addict.

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These polo knits have been gaining in popularity and I represent the black red colorway in my attire often.

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The key to appreciating Polo Ralph Lauren clothing is in recognizing the details. This knit has grommeted weepholes under the arms on some real sailing gear type steez. The red blue colorway is also classic stadium status.

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I’m feeling this rugby jersey for the front pockets. I might have to check out Syms to see if this joint is floating around on the discount circuit.

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Classic Polo Ralp Lauren flavor, and a design on the back side to boot. Don’t let me find this shit in Marshall’s. I’m copping two. One to rock and another to put in my freezer, a/k/a on ice.

The Amy Winehouse Of This Rap Shit…

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

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BILLY X. won’t be flying through LAX.

And just like that I decided that I won’t be fucking with the Game’s next album. Even if that shit is the banger that brings West coast rap back to the forefront. This is because Jayceon Taylor has opted to participate in the nigger trend of fucking up a funeral. There’s a rising epidemic all across this country of niggers going to funerals to start shit (or continue shit, as it were) with other funeralgoers. It’s a damn shame that a motherfucker can’t be buried now with dignity or respect because some clowns look at that moment as their chance to shine.

Only niggers would see a motherfucker’s last rites as their own Star Search opportunity. Are people that impoverished, or that misguided? What are the chances that the motherfucker they went to the funeral to lock up with won’t bring his ass back the same fucking corner the following day? This is all motherfuckers know anyhoo. So instead of waiting the once customary 24 hours before resuming all squabbles, niggers have decided to perpetuate the massacre by endangering mourning relatives and innocent bystanders. I wish I could tell these dumb niggers to stop watching mafia depictions from Hollywood.

Unfortunately, the majority of dumb ass poverty stricken people that would find it okay to make a funeral an even more shitty event don’t have internets connections. Getting into your MySpace account from a Sidekick phone notwithstanding. I mean that these people don’t access the internets for information. I bet the Game does have an internets connection though, and I bet he or his weedcarriers check the web frequently to see what other people think of him. When they come to see this drop they will learn that I am not purchasing nor reviewing his latest album LAX.

The reason being that I won’t support his bullshit antics any longer. People like the Game do dumb shit because they are talented artists with little or no self-discipline and more importantly self-editing skills. This is the same problem that Amy Winehouse has. Because of her supposed talent which is really just the ability to vocally impersonate a Black woman, she is allowed to literally O.D. in public with no repercussions. For the last several years the Game has been the same way in tahe he does incredibly dumb shit yet faces none of the consequences (no Cons 2 the Quence) that regular people would suffer.

But poor DMX doesn’t hurt anyone, not even a dog, allegedly, and his ass gets arrested three times in one day. DMX was arrested in Miami at 9am one morning, posted bond, flew to Arizona and was arrested when the plane touched down at noon. While in the lockup he was extradited to New Mexico to serve a warrant for some other shit. If you ask me, DMX should fire his lawyers. They are obviously having him set up to increase their invoices to him. If DMX gets out of jail long enough to release another album I will buy that shit to help him defer some of his legal costs. The Game, not so much.

I’m not sure why Jayceon attended his cousin’s funeral knowing that he was short on the funds he had promised to donate for the burial. It costs a small grip to put someone in the dirt in an honorable manner. Most people in the ghetto end up taking out loans to do this from the funeral homes. Don’t even try to imagine the interest and fees that are attached to these loans. If Game was short on cash, and who isn’t in this fucked the fuck up economy, he should have told his auntie or the grandmother that he was short. As usual in urban areas nowadays, the grandmothers are the people that pick up these expenses. Too bad they don’t have any money left to inter themselves.

It would be difficult to convince granny that he didn’t have any cash since his face is on a few magazine covers lately, but it is what it is. Since The Game doesn’t have the good sense that GOD gave an empty red Solo cup I am going to boycott supporting his music until he can get his mind right and his agenda straightened out.