Archive for July, 2008

Wig Owners: Sue Simmons’ Wig Brushers…

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008


SUE SIMMONS is the GOAT news anchorwoman. She has outlasted the KATIE COURICs and the KAITY TONGs. Name another newscaster that can let fly the expletives and still maintain their primetime position as a talking head? Even male anchormen can’t get away with that shit.

The advantage that has kept SUE SIMMONS on top is her wig crypt. In nearly thirty years I have never seen her lace front get turned sideways. Thanks to for these iconic images.


Native New Yorker Sue Simmons takes charge at Rockefeller Center from day one. Damn baby, who brushes your wigs?!?


The late 80’s saw Simmons representing Prince in her purple splendor.


The 1990’s were rough for Sue. She always kept a crispy Huck Finn wig though. Just in case she might have to cut a motherfucker.


Can’t tell her nothing. SIMMONS in the 2000’s

Now a whole new crop of grey-green eyed beauties is vying for the position of lightskint info queen. These broads all have the right complexion that America trusts, but do they have their wig weight on full?

Soledad kills shit on CNN. With Afro-Cuban and Irish all mixed together its a small wonder she hasn’t been caught cussing on camera.

I love me some grey-green eyes and I love a chick with a hard to pronounce last name. I wouldn’t mind spending springtime in Paris with Malveaux although another Suzanne would kick my arse.

The self-described queen of all media has stepped up her lacefront game with her morning show on Fox. Someone needs to help her with her brushing technique though if she wants her wigs to last.

alison stewart ALISON STEWART
Microsoft has a monopoly on their computer operating system. Let’s just hope that they don’t start monopolizing all the pretty lightskints with the Boneturals.

Frederica is another CNN dimepiece. She is the weekend action. Basically a side order to your O’Brien entree.

To keep these proceedings “fair and balanced” we are including right wing strategist Amy Holmes. Don’t think for a minute that her kiss on a fellow correspondents cheek is anything less than the kiss of death for Black males. Holmes only dates the white.


Tyra’s wig game has been on an incline but does she have the camera presence to be a face that you want to see every day? C Webb didn’t think so.

The figurative dark horse of this lightskint bunch of lovelies is my homegirl Tanisha Mallette. During my wild and crazy high school years Ms. Mallette had a crush on yours truly. When I recently saw Ms. Mallette in NYC she looked at me up and down and burst out laughing. Her remarks were, “and I had a crush on YOU!”

This drop was shamelessly swaggerjacked from the Underwriter


Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

brett favre

Editor’s note: 40 Diesel gets the DP Dot Com family hyped up for the 2009 season of “Not For Long”.

I hate this time of year in regards to sports, there’s nothing popping at all. I root for the Amazin’s, and I’m glad to see them get to first place (much to the demise of Brownsville’s WILLIE RAN), but I’m not gonna front beisbol is like a distant fifth in sports interest to your dude. My other love – GOLF is on a serious back burner, since EL TIGRE is laid up on IR and its not as much fun with him out there rattling people’s cages. So until the Olympics kick in providing a respite from the doldrums of sport, I have to keep my eyes on the start of NFL camps and prepping for the greatest sport of them all. News of NFL training camp has always been a bittersweet moment. It signals the start of my favorite sport, but is also signals the death knell for summer. These NFL camps got off to an interesting start with the impending “un-retirement” of Mississippi’s own BRETT FARVE. Seems like ole #4 can’t just seem to hang them up, and like most vanity driven athletes/celebrities realized that “they just can’t leave it alone, the game needs me!!!”

The problem is this Brett, other than your ego – YOU HAVE NO REASON TO RETURN!

Much like MICHAEL JORDAN pushing off BRYON RUSSELL to hit the chip-clinching shot, you couldn’t pick a better season to retire off of. Going an unexpected 13-3, The Pack threatened the NFC for a Super Bowl birth and over the course of this season Farve broke DAN MARINO’S records for Passing Yardage and Touchdowns. With the new found running game led by RYAN GRANT, and the ever patient AARON RODGERS waiting in the wings, it looked lovely in Lambeau. FARVE retired on great terms, and set up his beloved franchise of a decade and a half in great shape for the future. All was well in the NFL’s smallest market, in fact the NFL loved FARVE so much the set up his jersey retirement ceremony on one of the biggest nights of the season – the 2008 regular season debut of Monday Night Football, at Lambeau against long time division rivals the Minnesota Vikings. Pretty much perfect…. NO?

NOPE. Brett got antsy and is getting his best “Mama Said Knock You Out” on and is calling it a comeback, for the third offseason/preseason in a row, and because of this I’d like to nominate him for a DPdotcom “HO SIT DOWN!”

Why? Brett you’re old. Know when to leave the party. Think about NAMATH as a Ram, MONTANA as a KC Chief, EMMITT as a Cardinal, MJ as a Wizard, post-Black Album JAY-Z… Outside of jersey sales there is nothing memorable about people sticking around longer than they need to. Do you not know you’re tempting fate by coming back and sullying what was a great career? Brett we’ve ignored your addiction to pain killers, the fact you have the career record for INTERCEPTIONS, and other less memorable facets of your career, but this one is quite inexcusable, and dare I say disrespectful to the NFL. I’ve always admired that the NFL made sure that no individual player was ever greater than the league itself, but Commissioner ROGER GODDELL is effin’ up on this one. Its over my man, you had a great run, but now you’re coming off like a bitter ICE-T, hating on SOULJA BOY.

So in closing, Brett…

HO SIT DOWN!!! (Please)

And The South Stays Losing…

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008


If you think this drop is about some rap music regionalism I may have pleasantly surprised you. Maybe not pleasantly surprised you though…

Report warns of AIDS ‘crisis’ across South

This news bugs the shit out of me for several reasons. Firstly, I don’t believe there is an AIDS virus. I know of a few folks who have died from AIDS related illnesses and by a coincidence they were all gay men. They were all people who were extremely healthy and fit.

Conversely, I should have have some disease eating through my vital organs as I type this shit out. What with all the McDonald’s, White Castles and Waffle Houses that I have frequented in my almost forty years my kidneys should be Mcnugget shaped. Diabetes, heart failure, or at a minimum a stroke should find my door. These diseases are preventable however, and most importantly, they are detectable.

The second issue I have with the supposed AIDS virus is the fact that it has no standard viral fingerprint. All viruses have a molecular fingerprint that you can observe through a microscope. AIDS/HIV does not contain one. What it does have is a socio-economical fingerprint that clearly attracts gay men and economically disenfranchised women of color. Particularly Black women.

In the past the only way I connected gay men and Black women would be that these two groups have the highest fierceness quotients, and the most shiny stuff in their respective closets.

The news on AIDS for the last decade has been the rate of infection for African American females and no one is saying the right things. OPRAH will create an entire broadcast about the Black men who live duplicitous lives as heterosexually married gay males and that only serves to undermine the perception of Black females decision making. Marriage is so far off the radar in America that the phenomenon of the down low brothers still couldn’t account for the tremendous spike in new infections.

No one is shouting out loud that the numbers do NOT add up. The rate at which African American women are contracting AIDS is impossible. Mainly because Black chicks are not giving up the pussy like that. Yes, Black chicks are fucking. Sure, Black chicks are even engaging in sex that would be considered high risk to some. But that is such a small minority of the minorities that you would have greater luck having sex with a unicorn.

Black chicks are not giving up the loveslot without using a condom. Then it all made sense to me…

I’ve told you previously to avoid the spermicide with Nonoxynol-9 in it since that shit is a bleaching agent. That shit is usually on condoms too. What if condoms have been putting a bleaching agent inside of Black chick’s boxes? What is so strange about that? Do any of you respect the allegory of the Trojan horse? Remember how it was issued as a gift, but at night it transformed into a slaughtering and killing machine?

The capitalism contained in selling people high-priced, privately-owned, patented medicine is what fuels any health crisis. If the next president thinks he can scold people instead of creating a progressive change to the manner in which we do societal business, you know, how we care for one another as a society, then I don’t need a male version of OPRAH WINFREY in the White House.

HoneyBees x Hip-Hop = D.O.A.

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

killer bees

This music video is proof positive that both honeybees and Hip-Hop are dying.

When the worst dancer in a B(ee)-Boy troupe is the Black dude I don’t hold out too much hope for Hip-Hop.

Honeybees are responsible for pollinating ONE-THIRD of our food supply.

Fuck Hip-Hop, we really need to save the honeybees.

Fanboy Alert: TR2N!

Monday, July 28th, 2008


The sequel to TRON, aptly titled ‘TR2N’ was previewd at Comic Con.

When is JEFF BRIDGES going to get his due as one of the great American actors?


The assclots at Disney have been yanking the trailers down at various video hosting sites instead of say… LETTING PEOPLE SEE THE SHIT YOU HAVE DONE!

There is another reason why Batman’s film won. Warner Bros. kept teasing us along with archival Batman trivia and glimpses of the new production including a preview of the Bat-cycle over a year before the film dropped.

Step your game up Disney. At this rate you guys are going to have to merc’k Jeff Bridges to get your buzz back.