I Like To Live in America!

May 3rd, 2006

senor gonzalez

I will dedicate several posts this week to one of the website’s best friends. TONY’s KANSAS CITY has been part of the movement since we were first singled out by the great BYRON CRAWFORD back in August. With all the recent domestic news focusing on immigration, TONY, like most Mexican Americans has felt singled out in his sombrero.

I give TONY credit for using this moment in the media spotlight to bring other issues to the table that focus on how the mega-corporations abuse our economic system with far more disatrous results than anybody in a big silly hat could ever do. Well almost anybody…

el hefe

Cheers to TONY’s KANSAS CITY and any other Mexicans that read this site. Without your hard work and dedication I wouldn’t be able to purchase a 100% cotton tee shirt for $3 bucks.

Introducing… BLACK JUSTICE

May 3rd, 2006

black justice

Editor’s Note: I have an open invitation to friends of the website to submit articles that they wish to have published on the site. So to that end we will get to experience the rants and musings of BLACK JUSTICE. She promised me that she’ll take no prisoners on her journey so I expect the streets to be littered with bodies. Get down or stay down because here comes BLACK JUSTICE…

There were so many ways that I thought and labored about how and what to write about. I wanted to write about relationships and romance, about the injustices Black women suffer all around the world or even about one of my first loves-this thing called hip hop music. But I decided it’s going to be about all of that wrapped up in a fat layer of humor topped with sarcasm and a little mean-spirited-ness.

Ever since me and my friend, known as ‘The Dallas’ talked about doing something together(in print only bitches) there was one subject that I really felt needed to be discussed or at least addressed. Also this article should be read while playing/downloading ‘Knucklehead’ by Grover Washington Jr. So here is the question of the day.

“When did Black women become one of the most hated people on the planet?”

Allow me to explain myself. In my travels and discussions with many different men, especially in the NYC area, people are filled with hate and disdain for Black women. What the fuck? Let’s get even a little deeper and really bring it out, these are the following comments that have been said to me about Black women over the last few months.

1) “All Black women want to do is be on welfare.” Said to me by an African bootyscratcher, illegal ass alien that has had no source of income for over a year.

2) “We don’t let Black women with short hair and dark skin in the clubs. Hell no!” Said to my best friend by a demented ass, no car having, punk-ass doorman that can’t afford to hang out at the clubs he stands in front of every night.

3) “I don’t talk to girls that are darker than me.” Said by a freakishly tall, professional basketball player that without his million dollar salary would never get any ass because he looks like a buck toothed, jaundiced, mentally challenged pelican.

It fills me with furious anger that even in this day and age according to the above comments my skin is still my sin? Well let me say that as a Chocolate Deluxe, fuck off! One of the greatest joys in my life is seeing Oprah making paper, Storm (the real Storm) lighting suckas up and Tyra with her perfectly coifed weaves holding it down! Another source of double happiness is when I lay in my man’s arms and our bodies form a Matrix of cinnamon brown and we both agree how beautiful it is to see that “brown skin” in the words of India.Arie. So on behalf of brown women everywhere, I love my skin, my nose, all that and I look forward to going on a vacation so I can lay out and attempt to go from Boogiedown brown to Black.

So here it is, I promise to try and give it to you at least once a month, maybe more if the inspiration hits me right. Please send feedback and let me know what you think. I would love to hear from men and women that have been affected by the new color lines that seem to be drawn everywhere.

It’s Hard Out Here on Immigrant Ho’s

May 2nd, 2006

professional

This news item smacks of some real ‘quality of life’ issues that all the politicians are missing. Where can the single working class tax paying male get some cheap poonahnee from?

A few years ago I spent a few dollars enjoying myself along Roosevelt Avenue in Queens because that is where you could visit an apartment house and score some tight, young Mexican poon for only $20. That’s right, one ANDREW JACKSON would get you some Mexican Dominican or Mexican Salvadoran tail that was young and firm and only spoke these two words of english, “Ay Papi!”

So now the Feds are all busy busting up these businesses instead of say, arresting the KENNETH LAYs and the JEFF SKILLINGs that are robbing the working stiffs of their retirement scraps. It’s seems to be in concert with one another that you can’t enjoy yourself when your young, nor can you afford to ever stop working.

Now don’t get all morally sidetracked with the argument that these women were underaged, because if you saw a naked 16year old Mexican Dominican you would agree that she is all woman.

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BADBOY’s Newest Artist/Victim

May 2nd, 2006

bad boys

“Bad Boy Records Executive Vice President and General Manager Harve Pierre, “Making Da Band” cast member Elliot Ness, and Bad Boy Records President Sean “P. Diddy” Combs attend the Elliot Ness and Bad Boy
Records Recording Artist Signing at the Bad Boy Records Office on May
01, 2006 in New York City.”

To be honest, I feel a kind of way about reporting this story without confirmation from Nah’Right. Those dudes have been extra busy so this story might have fallen under their radar. I didn’t even know that BadBoy Records still HAD an office, but it looks like they’re sharing space with a clothing store. I hope NESS will get a discount on some of those sweatsuits. Here are some photos from the well publicized event…

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DIDDY, King of All Jigs places BadBoy chain around NESS’ throat neck.

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DIDDY and NESS’ review paperwork together. NESS negotiated a special clause that will allow CHOPPER and BABS to alternate weekends for carrying his weed. Just as an aside, peep the Jordan Brand chancletas that DIDDY wears when he signs new talent.

bad boys
Smiles all around as DIDDY announces free cheesecake for everyone compliments of G-DEP.

Enjoy this moment NESS because this is as good as it gets, and it won’t ever get this good again.

JEAN GREY Was My First Love

April 30th, 2006

jean grey

Fuck what y’all think because JEAN GREY was so fucking hot. Superheroes are either dressed like flamboyant fags or high end prostitutes and JEAN GREY was the hottest bitch on the strip. Actually. the artist that made her so beautiful to me secretly has a thing for Black women. I mean, do you see this chicks body?!? Only Black girls have tops like that without surgery. But nonetheless the character was a Scottish white girl, and you can’t get much whiter than that. JEAN GREY was smart and oh so powerful. The ‘X-Men’ was a progressive comicbook in that the characters that wielded some of the greatest power were women(yeah, don’t get your supremacy twisted, old white men were the strongest of all). JEAN GREY’s boyfriend was the team’s leader Cyclops.

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They were an alright couple, but not as kick azz as I would have been with her. JEAN GREY was a free spirit though and those are the most difficult hoes that you can try to convert into housewives. That is why JEAN GREY was so easily turned out by this pimp called Mastermind.

dkphk/blkqn

Mastermind turned her out and she joined his bad guy group called the Hellfire Club. He fucked her head up so good that she became this evil prostitute called the Black Queen. As if that wasn’t enough she was out of control with her powers and winded up killing a whole planet of motherfuckers with her cosmic clap.

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The X-men tried to save her universally out of pocket azz, but it was obvious that she had contracted some kind of comicbook AIDS virus and she had to die before she infected any other characters.

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In the end she committed suicide. I cried. Just as an aside…

famke

I was at a party for this dude named MARK RONSON and FAMKE JANSSEN was up in there hanging out. I kicked it with her real quick and told her that I thought she was one of the dead on casting choices that made the X-Men movies so dope. She is supermodel tall and as pretty in person as she is on the screen. After I tried to stick my tongue in her mouth is when the security escorted me out of the party.