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ESSENCE Magazine is continuing their program of perpetuating mock victimization by masking the real issues with hyper-consumerism. The latest issue features the new prototype of Black manhood, USHER RAYMOND, on the cover. As usual the editors at ESSENCE have devised a byline for the cover that will titillate the senses of Black women everywhere – ‘MEN UNCENSORED, What they really feel about Sex, Porn, Love and Us’.

First off, do you see the topics and their respective order that the editors have chosen to highlight? As if sex and porn come before love and Black women. Next, I read the article and just as I expected, it was a covert attack against Black relationships. The men questioned were of various ages and all were described as progressive and upwardly mobile. I refuse to believe that this interview session even took place. The men’s responses were not three-dimensional, but stereotypically lame and quasi-chauvanistic. I am convinced this article was written by a Chinese woman imagining she was in a room of Black men. For instance, Black men are not complaining about getting head any longer. That was a funny comedy routine by CHRIS ROCK about seven years ago. Since then TRINA and LIL’ KIM have done a masterful job of influencing Black women to freely give up oral and anal sex. What we are complaining about now is not being allowed to pee on our girlfriends when we are in the shower together.

All I am trying to tell you is that ESSENCE magazine wants Black women to remain emotionally unsatisfied so that they will use their financial assets to compensate for the void. ESSENCE doesnt just want you to feel incomplete on a romantic level, they are even more sinister. ESSENCE wants you to hate the skin that you are in. I found several advertisements for beauty products that featured white in the photos.

SEPHORA – white model (ad text states ‘endless beauty options’)
MONISTAT – white skin
GILLETTE VENUS razors – semi-nude blonde model
McDONALD’s – white girls
DERMABLAND – white model (ad text states that ‘all skin imperfections
disappear’)
HUGGIES diapers – white baby

The worst thing that was advertised in this piece of shit magazine was the new fragrance from GIORGIO ARMANI. The photo featured a white couple. The name of the fragrance is BLACK CODE. Do you people know what the BLACK CODE is?!? The BLACK CODE was a name given to laws passed by southern states during the presidency of Andrew Johnson(post Civil War). These laws imposed severe restrictions on freed slaves such as prohibiting their right to vote, forbidding them to sit on juries, limiting their right to testify against white men, carrying weapons in public places and working in certain occupations. Can you imagine if faggot azz CALVIN KLEIN called a cologne HOLOCAUST? He would get shot between the eyes by the MOSSAD. And of all the magazines available to feature a launch ad for this stupidly named mens product GIORGIO ARMANI chose to do it in a publication geared to the African-American community. Just remember that you can’t spell gay without a G and an A in the beginning.

I know I have asked you good people to become active several times before but if you can’t find the time in your schedule to write an e-mail to Mrs.DIANE WEATHERS, the Editor-in-Chief of ESSENCE then don’t complain to me when your right to vote is revoked. It will be your own fault because you bought into the BLACK CODE.

My favorite nerds were always the math geeks. I respected their precision geared intellect and they liked me because I was a jock. Okay, I was more jocular than jock, but I still defended the math geeks from getting atomic wedgies or having their pocket protecters stolen. They kept me from failing Calculus. I remember that I had the most beautiful Geometry tutor when I was 13years old. She was Persian, and gorgeous in that Middle Eastern kind of way. Olive tanned skin and long black curly hair. Lots of hair. Her sideburns were below her chin line and her eyebrows were so thick she could have braided them. When I got older I learned that “Persian” was code for Iranian and since RONALD RAYGUN was still the president people of Middle Eastern descent had to become some generic biblical ethnicity. She was majoring in Economics and Statistics.

How funny the world turns that now an Economics major is revered in some circles more than a physicist. I attribute their popularity to the skill of being precise and scientific with concepts that some of us think we understand. The physicist is precise when relating to atoms and molecular compounds, while the economist is precise when documenting figures like the average annual salaries of women between the ages of 25 and 30. The economist is the nerd that deals with control groups that we can relate to and this makes them a sexy commodity. Several economist nerds were able to pool a bunch of corporate grant money together and this allowed them to fall back for a few years and just do research. They collected data on anything and everything. The result of years of data-mining is contained in the book called ‘FREAKONOMICS’.

One of my favorite projects within this book is the study conducted in California based on the names that Blacks and white choose for their children. Since 1970 the differences in name selections between Black and white has become more pronounced. The study found that since the 1990’s Blacks are twenty times more likely to issue their child a name that is unique EVEN to the Black community. Speaking of unique, the study found more than four(4) disparate spelling variations for the name Unique (incl. Uneek, Uneque, and Uneqqee). Of course these were all Black children.

Because I have said for years that DALLAS PENN is for the kids’, I will cut right to the chase and give you a few important links to consider before you name your children. The first one gives you a listing of the top twenty whitest names and the top twenty Blackest names for girls. In other words, these are the most poular names for girls along racial lines…

The following list is for the top twenty names for boys comparing white and Black babies…

In honor of my brother CROSSOVER NEGRO REESE of the STAR & BUC WILD
Morning Show here is the listing of the top twenty ‘crossover’ names. These are the names that had the greatest attraction to both white and Black parents…