“How you are fallen from heaven, O Day Star, son of Dawn! How you are cut down to the ground, you who laid the nations low! You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit on the mount of assembly on the heights of Zaphon; I will ascend to the tops of the clouds, I will make myself like the Most High’”
(Isaiah 14:12-14).
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Maybe you want to know a little bit of my background before I proceed with this drop? I dropped out of architectural school in my first upperclassmen year. It wasn’t just the difficulty of the classwork in as much as it was about the prospects for enrichening employment after I had graduated in another several years of study. Plus, I didn’t like practicing architecture as much as I enjoyed writing about it (and other things). My parents were disappointed that I wasn’t going to finish my degree in an engineering field. They considered writers to be ‘dime-a-dozen’ and even more underpaid than Black architects.
My dad was right as usual and writers are a ‘dime-a-dozen’, but I haven’t left the architecture engineering trade altogether. I spend my days working with architects and construction managers as we construct buildings all around New York City. I have an old Jew to thank for my career that pays me, as well as the one that gives me my passion. The old Jew was a scholar and a humanitarian. He taught me how to create master plans and the process for reproducing them into blueprints.
You all understand that a blueprint is a copy right? The master plan is too valuable to be placed into the wrong hands that might not be able to protect it so instead a reproduction is made and the draftsman, be it the engineer or the architect presides over the blueprint to explain the information contained therein. There are details contained on the master plan that don’t necessarily always transfer to the blueprint so if the architect that drafted the plans isn’t available some of the crucial construction information will be lost.
So when I hear that your favorite rapper is working on his third blueprint I think to myself that maybe his master plan is what needs the retrofit. Jay-Z has been the most successful rapper of all time (even more than Eminem) just from the sheer volume of press that all his his non-rapping endeavors generate. Jay-Z spent more time on vacation since 9-11 than President Bush spent on that ranch in Texas. The master plan can’t be about not working though. This is another lesson from the old Jew who was a rabbi, a teacher. The old Jew was all about teaching people how to become fishermen as opposed to giving people free fish.
What have you learned from Jay-Z? What has Jay-Z rhymed about that has motivated you to investigate after the song was over? The master plan contains keys to sections, details and elevations. Without all of this comprehensive information how will you complete your construction? I’m not saying that Jay-Z can’t become a rabbi himself like the old Jew was to me but I don’t see it at this point. You see, when the old Jew was young he was still a rabbi. This is the type of man he was. You don’t become a leader and teacher of men overnight. Leaders and teachers wish for their followers and students to succeed them, not to be held back with jealousy and contempt.
This drop isn’t to disparage Jay-Z in as much as I would like for those that hold him above themselves to wonder why they too aren’t leading and teaching the youth that are coming up in the game? As opposed to holding people back from reaching their potential like their favorite rapper does.
How do you fools like the sound of this shit…
FANBOYZ UNITED!
This is some shit I want to turn into a program for mass broadcast. I like the idea of being a television program, but I really like the idea of being an internets program. My new homey JOHNNY SAGAN just got into the DP dot com movement and he is pitching this idea to the people that fux with bigtime TV. I don’t know if they really get down for the crown like we do here at the website. Shouts to the iNternets Celebrities movement for giving this website its street cred to video viewers.
How about we make Fanboyz United! programs shaped around a central theme? Episodes can be hosted by HuLu.com or whatever contender comes up to compete with them. The real problem I see is making the idea of being a fanboy not such a niche market. There are plenty of fanboys that aren’t totally integrated on the internets. Technology isn’t the only aspect of fanboyhood.
There are six pillars that are the foundation of fanboy culture…
Technology, Sports, Music, Comics, Gear, Junk Food…
These six items are inter-related and cross-reference each other throughout Fanboyhood.
The program Fanboyz United! is a documentary slash reality slash variety show that illustrates the finer points of these pillars in ways that their beloved audience has never seen them before. Every week we take our viewers out of their homes to roam the streets with us doing the things that the fanboy vanguard does, or better yet, wishes they were doing with us.
Technology – From taking the latest cellphone and creating an application for it that makes it operate better yet voids your warranty to music weblogs that stream the latest music the very second it arrives in retail installations (if not before). Fanboys are making James Bond look like a Luddite. Technology allows fanboys to communicate in ways never before imagined. Video games travel to other planets or hyper-realize the space we all live in. While technology is moving too fast for many people it is actually moving too slow for fanboys.
Sports – ESPN has been able to target fanboy culture with a highlight reel program that repeats itself in the early morning hours. This program delivers the information to all the fanboys who maintain fantasy teams and require the hard data that tells them how their particular athlete is performing (natch). Sports memorabilia has evolved to collections of cards with an array of technological advances embedded in the cardboard. Fanboys need sports in their lives. Women’s testosterone? Not so much.
Music – The soundtrack to fanboyhood is defined with a booming bassline. Whether its rap, or rock, or a hybrid of punk speed metal synthesized voices, the fanboyz are dancing to it. They are making videos of those dances and uploading those videos on to YouTube where millions of viewers are watching them. The advent of software like Fruity Loops has enabled anyone with a computer to become a music producer. The music video has become the mini-novela. I’m streaming West Side Story for like the 50th time. It is so gangsta!
Comics – There is no greater visual emotional influencer for fanboyz than the comic book industry. The recent Hollywood blockbusters like Watchmen, 300, iron Man, Batman, Sin City and X-Men should be proof of this. Fanboys that have spent a lifetime collecting the stories of these characters are now writing the graphic novels which will eventually become the major motion pictures. How many people have experienced the method for which their favorite characters monthly pulp is delivered to the newsstand, or actually for fanboys that would be the specialty shop? Fanboyz United! is all about profiling the production on the back end and letting you watch the method as to how comic books are published.
Gear – Technology has seeped into the design of fanboys clothing now that hooded sweatshirts have concealed iPod holders. Space age fabrics like DuPont 3M material are all over sneakers. There are more fanboys with sneaker collections that number the 100’s even the 1000’s than ever before. Fanboys will camp out in front of retail locations in the pouring rain for several days while awaiting the release of the latest sneaker designed by rapper KanYe West. All the while wearing the latest weatherproof gear from Ralph Lauren or North Face. These sneakers and garments speak volumes to the fanboys that wear and collect them. Let’s take a look at the Polo collections of Meyhem Lauren and Thirstin Howl III.
Junk Food – Junk food is the fuel cell that powers fanboyz. From McDonald’s to Taco Bell, from Doritos to jalapeno Cheetos these foods are consumed in abundance and repeated ad nausem until nauseous. Cereal isn’t just for kids. It’s for adults who spend 16+ hours surfing the world wide web and blogging and posting in forums and chat rooms and simply have no time to microwave anything let alone cook. Fanboyz would like to learn hpw to cook though. One of the latest fanboy trends is to watch how-to cooking videos featuring adult film stars fully clothed, yet tastefully (pun intended) provocative.
Fanboyz United! is the ultimate documentary reality show for fans, stans, collectors, nerds, groupies and techies. Fanboyz United! isn’t really even a television show. It is an effin’ lifestyle! Think of boyhood, but for grown men. How awesome is that? Fanboyz United! is boyhood on steroids. Knowing and loving all the things you did when you were younger, but now with the mind and the authority of an adult.
Its the ability to eat a bowl of cereal at 2am while watching ESPN SportsCenter or Adult Swim. It’s the notion that Darth Vader is an existential expression for uncontrollable political power and attention. Fanboys are about knowledge and the minutiae sometimes contained therein. Exactly how many women has Batman slept with? A lot. If you were a fanboy you would know the number, AND their names. Fanboys love the products they consume even more than the companies that manufacture them.
I’m happy to be a fanboy. Truth to tell you is that my girlfriend is a fanboy too. That might be the only time you have to [ll] a woman on the internets. What do y’all think of the concept? Is this something you might want to fux with? I thought each episode (I refuse to say ghey ass “webisode”) could be 16 mins with four(4) bloks of content 4mins long. And then we tag a sponsor on that bitch. Basically the Hulu format.
So who wants to make this show happen is really the question at hand? I want to keep it on the web or put it in the eyeballs of the people that will enjoy it most. Remember the DAVE ATELL show on Comedy Central? I know you all remember CHAPPELLE’s Show? I want to mix these programs with Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim programming. The next new TV Funhouse. That is my dream right now.
I have met so many talented people in real life via the internets who deserve to bring their passions to the community-at-large. There are millions of fanboys out there who want to get their rec. This is our time to shine. Anybody want to make the official logo and typeface? Can you start with some athletic style lettering, maybe in a font similar to the San Francisco Giants. Let’s get this popping…
A few months ago RAFI pointed me to a music video from this band called Das Racist. Their steez re-awoke something in me that loves rap music.
It could have been their intelligent wordplay with cultural cross-referencers and newsworthy non-sequiturs.
It could have been the fact they were the kind of don’t give a fuck retards that have been missing from rap music.
Smart dumb rappers were the rage back in the early 1990’s. But even then it wasn’t so much about intelligence and geo-political recognition as much as it was about rapping polysyllabic words. The self parody aspect of Hip-Hop was lost when rap music’s tagline became “keep it real”.
Rap music was never intended to be about reality.
Reality sucks.
Hyper-reality is what’s really ‘hood.
What’s really food? Das Racist. From their sub-cellar underground dance classic mega-hit ‘Combination Pizza Hut Taco Bell’ to their trippy freestyle inspired ‘Chicken & Meat’ Das Racist sits squarely in my fastfood fanboy wheelhouse. I will officially lose my shit when they make a song about iced honey buns from the bodega.
Consider me an official Das Racist stan right now.
Being the thinking man’s rap group is no small feat either, but they are good enough to bring RAFI KAM into the Lower East Side to enjoy their set so I think you other emcess need to take heed. RAF and I were joined at the Das Racist show by a fellow internets from Cleveland who still gets it in Ohio.
@IamRobAck is the future of the internets.
Das Racist is the future of rap music.
The iNternets Celebrities know this because we are from the future.
STEVE McNAIR was a great football player. He was a shining example for the level of talent that is generated in historically Black colleges and universities. McNAIR was an on-field leader and an ultimate warrior in the most glorified position on the gridiron. Godspeed to the McNAIR family.
BTW, I saw RYAN GRANT yesterday ans that man is looking BRAWLICK! ADRIAN PETERSON better watch out when he comes to Green Bay.