dallaspenn.com

First off, this dude pictured above has a last name pronounced ‘made off’. Of course he was gonna do some shenanigans with the money you gave him. It was only a matter of time.

Madoff ‘Tragedy’ Said to Have Escaped Scrutiny by SEC

This story is so ill to me for so many reasons…

1) How the hell did he get this far without someone sniffing out his bullshit, especially with the volatility of the stock market for the last ten years since the Dot Com crash?

2) How did he manage to recruit more clients when he was reportedly not even paying the ones he already had invested into his firm?

3) How was he able to manage all of that money? I only know white to keep the best books on their assets as if their ass depended on it.

4) How do you make $50billion dollars disappear into the ethers? MADOFF definitely had some friends in high places to help him disguise his money movements.

*Enters the money changers*

The surest way for me to get merc’ked is to talk shit about the money changers. Those are the cats that freaked the whole game from way back. Peep this shit I thought of when I was tripping off LSD twenty years ago…

This man finds a gold rock and he picks it up. He likes the gold rocks because they remind him of the sun. Everybody loves the sun because it brings warmth and makes the plants grow and so on so forth. The man brings the gold rock back to the village where he trades the gold rock to the man who runs the biggest farm. Back then, farms were the shit. Think of the farm as the mall. The farm owner gives the man a few animals and blankets for the gold rock so that the man can go and do his own thing. The farm owner will give the man back the gold rock when he has returned the animals and produced some goods to barter with.

Pretty soon the farm owner is now the gold rock depository. But instead of giving the man more animals he gives the man a piece of paper that describes how much gold rock he has deposited. This paper will allow the man to secure goods from the townspeople that now produce them. The farmer is too busy counting gold rocks to continue farming which is hard work anyhoo. There is way more profit in charging people interest for the pieces of paper they borrow from him in order to go into the town square to buy their goods.

The farm owner freaked it by loaning people money based on the gold rocks he was holding that belonged to other people. Those wasn’t the farm owners gold rocks to begin with but as he amassed them he recognized their collective value. Plus the fact that no one was ever coming back for their gold rocks when carrying the slips of paper was so much more convenient. The game got even freakier when the former farm owner would adjust the rate of paper slips he issued to the amount of gold that was submitted.

The former farm owner could decide to issue less paper slips on the notion that he had enough gold rocks at the time and didn’t really need any more. What were you going to do as a peasant? Go to the next village with your gold rocks? Several months of traveling away from your family to possibly get the same news? What you would do is take all the paper slips that the former farm owner was going to give you and you would have to borrow some more paper slips to cover your additional costs. You would also be repaying the borrowed paper slips back at a rate of interest.

So by finagling with the amount of paper slips he issued for the gold rocks he received the former farm owner was really fucksing with the economy wasn’t he? Where is that jackass that claims that everything comes from Africa? This shit I am talking about definitely comes from Africa since that is where the first civilizations appeared. I bet them dudes in Africa, as futuristic as they may have been to build those pyramids didn’t realize that the paper slips would be converted into plastic squares. The plastic squares no longer reference how much gold rock that you have submitted to the former farm owners, but they still represent a credit on the work you will produce.

The more paper slips that your work generates the more credit is extended to you on the plastic squares. You heard a lot of people talk shit that America needed to switch back to a gold based economy in order to get their shit together again, but all the people that said that didn’t realize that we were in this fucked the fuck up condition from the time we WERE a gold based economy. No matter what currency we use we need to have an honest private sector that administers it and an incorruptible government that regulates it.

I know that shit all sounds retarded and the what not, but what do you expect from someone who was high on acid?