“Everybody Knows It’s Spring Againnnnn…”

April 7th, 2007

spam

Image courtesy of Tony’s Kansas City.


BIZ MARKIE – ‘It’s Spring Again’

Are you getting your shit together for springtime? I decided to climb up from my parent’s basement and do some personal hygiene upgrading. The shower wash I have been using is starting to lose it’s efficacy in my nether regions. It’s like as if my taint has developed an immunity to Cool Blue Axe body wash. I know CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKE will appreciate it when I flower up the ol’ azz crack. Not that it’s ever been a problem, but still and all…

All the body wash products in this funky store I went to were made out of fruits and berries and shit. It makes bathing sound like fun when you can lather up your sachs with some mango-lime concoction or put some raspberries on your dingleberries. All this fruity smelling shit should help me get that coveted salad tossing in my pineapple. Not that I even want that in all honesty. I’ve seen what comes out of my azz so I don’t know if I want to kiss someone who lunches back there. Maybe some of you shit roses. I don’t. I damn near feel like buying some Flintstones vitamins too. They are supposed to help you with your stool. That’s my new favorite word this weekend.

STOOL.

The purchase that made me the happiest was this cheese grater type doohickey for scraping the skin off your feet. My ex took my last one away because I used it until my foot bled. That callous learned who was boss though. I have typical non-metrosexual man feets (read: crazy, ashy, corn chip funky). I don’t lotion my feet because when you put on your socks afterward it feels mushy inside the foot pad. When C.S. and I were first dating I never let her see my feet. Them fucks are deal breakers.

On the way back to the basement I stopped off at the spirits store. I’m finally off the weed. I had picked up again to review a couple of new rap albums for XXL Mag Dot Com. As usual, weed makes me depressed and anxious. I quit blogging about 10 times last week. The problem with quitting the shit(blogging) is that people look at me curiously and then shrug their shoulders. This means that I haven’t blogged hard enough to have made a real impression upon them. When I die I want people to say that I was the best to have ever done this shit. The mother effing B.O.A.T. of this shit. I want people to cry at my funeral and then I want to have a bomb azz party. I want to die in the summer so that we can bar-be-cue afterwards, because I like bar-be-cue.

I bought a bottle of rum. Mount Gay. Is that not the gheyest name evar? And it’s from Barbados so you know it’s a little suss. My great-grandmother said that only two things come from Barbados, flying fish and fags. She was from Nevis. She called herself British. I hope this rum isn’t part of the homosexual agenda that is overcoming American culture, but one thing is for sure, if homos can make a rum so smooth tasting then maybe they aren’t so bad. Mount Gay is damn good rum and whatever it does on Barbados should stay there on Barbados.

I need to do some laundry today. My underdrawls stash is getting dangerously low. If I don’t act now I will be wearing swimming trunks under my jeans this week. And possibly one of C.S.’s drawls. True story is that one time I ran out of underwear and I wore one of my ex girls thongs. It was ridiculous. The material was irritating my bum and the material on the front side didn’t hold my sachs either. I would have been better off wearing nothing under my pants and just rocking out commando. I never dug that style unless I had on sweatpants. I need a layer of soft brushed cotton on my sachs thank you very much.

Hip-Hop isn’t dead. It upgraded from Mickey Dee’s to organic gourmet Dean and Deluca. I took some pics of these dudes harassing the pretty white thing things coming out of the market. It’s good to see that Hip-Hop is looking to get healthy this summer. Respect to these dudes…

kids
kids
kids

SUPREMACY = AMERICA’s FAVORITE PASTIME

April 6th, 2007

barry

Editor’s note: 40 DIESEL comes through and drops his thoughts on MLB Opening Day 2007 and the national game of racism of which America wears the World Championship rings.

I got no beef with Barry Bonds. If he breaks Hammerin’ Hank’s record I’ll stand and salute that man. In fact I’ll start scouring eBay for a 6XL Giants jersey to unmercilessly flaunt. Am I a fan of Barry? Hell I’m not even a fan of baseball. I roll with Barry because he’s about to snatch the crown of the biggest “Eff You” a brother has pulled off in a while. Ray Lewis? Nope, because they expect us to kill each other. Kobe Bryant? That broad was lying from jump. In fact, Barry might even be bigger than OJ because technically he’s done nothing illegal. I’ll get to Barry & Orenthal in a minute.

Baseball to me has always been a microcosm of America. I mean hell they don’t call it “America’s Game” on accident. Baseball in a sense was the first Hip-Hop for many people looking to advance themselves in the socio-economic realm through entertainment in America. It was the sport that with talent and luck you could move yourself out of the sticks and start that life for your family and generations after you if you handled your money right. It didn’t involve a college education or some predestined place on the class hierarchy, it was a bat, ball, glove, and a field to play. So with that Americans flocked in mass to baseball over the last 125 years, causing a financial boon for the owners, players, and leagues way before the other major sports in the United States were able to gain an economic foothold on the entertainment landscape.

ruth

Knowing they had a good thing and the desire from owners and players to preserve that the professional leagues of baseball quickly moved from a national intramural league to group of well run franchises who worked with each other to provide the finest athletic entertainment possible for their fans. With no real competitors, American baseball transcended just what went on on the field but ingrained itself in the growing forms of media that provided the American poplace with its news, entertainment and other information. You didn’t have to be at the park anymore, you could follow stats in the boxscores listed in local newspapers, the birth of “the sports writer” came into play, for a nickel you could go see a game replayed on a movie reel, and when the advent of affordable radio came in the American home baseball was there. With every new form of media that grew in America baseball took steps with it, and to keep its fan base – baseball needed to reflect America.

If the knock on steroids is that if gives players an unfair advantage over the other competitors then lets start with the earliest form of it. Good ole institutional American racism (America’s “other” game). Now I’m not about to start on some maudlin solioquy about “The White Man” but sports experts across the board agree that alot of the records of segregated baseball would not have existed or had the duration they had if the game was integrated. There are many schools of thought that can academically argue that everyone would be chasing Josh Gibson not George Ruth for the home run record. There are also schools of thought (including some of his contempararies) that the Babe himself would flunk a DNA entrance exam to MLB. Conspiracy theories aside the fact of the matter the playing field was not level and it would never be when you really examine the practices of Major League Baseball.

aaron mays

But is anything ever fair? Does America really have a right to pull a holier than thou on anything? Baseball like America has always been corrupt from the White Sox and “Shoeless” Joe Jackson, the trials of Jackie Robinson, the coked up ’80s, Pete Rose gambling, to the steroid era of today. I would go as far to say that baseball encourages controlled cheating as much as insider trading on Wall Street and supplying rebels with inner city drug profits. Cheating IS America, from Peter Minut’s $24 land grab of Manhattan on down its what we do as a country, its how we got to the top. They say behind every fortune is a crime, well we wipe our collectively wealthy asses with our rap sheet. There is a loophole though – its NOT cheating if you’re not being blatant about it or you’re part of the preapproved cabal that’s in on the scheme. So with this logic firmly in-tow you can develop huge amounts of corruption knowing as long as everyone involved knows the eye-winks and secret handshakes and the brotherhood mulitplies and they all enjoy the spoils of war. Great stats, great careers, and most importantly BIG CHECKS FOR EVERYONE!!!

Then like every other shadowy organization someone gets too big, and draws the suspicions of the outsiders and authorities. People get nosey, participants get itchy and either the transgressor(s) is internally silenced, or becomes public enemy #1 of the other side. The watershed moment happens when someone who’s NOT SUPPOSED to benefit from the gentleman’s agreement winds up not only benefiting but excels and destroys the old guard of the current system. I had mentioned Barry & OJ and how their trials and tribulations are alot more similar than one would care to realize. The Juice used his GREEN to up end the legal “gray” space of “black-white” litigation. He was charged for offing some American Glory, and got away with it. UNPRECEDENTED. Now we have B Dubbz B who has killed off another American institution and will get away with it because he did it within the parameters of the rules that were designated “legally” by MLB. So what does this lead to? Public outcry and they both become the Frankenstein’s monster chased by the torch waiving national sports media. So now that the agreement has been tampered with the gentlemancy goes along with it.

barry

In my mind Barry B is a steroid using curmedgeon who’s terseness with the media has come back to haunt him. Does that warrant a complete invalidation of what he’s done and asterisking every record from here on out? Hell to the no. Is he an asshole? Probably. Misunderstood? Maybe. Evil? Doubt it. Smart? Better believe it, and history proves they got away for dealing with the smarty-arts. Had this been McGwire or Sammy Sosa (his Tattoo) would this be an issue? Not so much. This has become a new age lynch mob determined to get our generation’s Jack Johnson. So with the 60th Anniversary of my hero Jackie Robinson’s Major League debut, lets reflect on where we REALLY stand with blacks and America’s Pasttime. I dare not even sully Jack Roosevelt Robinson’s (and his regal wife Rachel) legacy by equating his struggles with Barry Bonds but it makes me ask have the jeers and slurs from the stands been replaced by media outlets and reporters?

Barry ain’t gotta do nothing but hit homers, stay black, and die. Pretty easy order if you ask me. Hammerin’ Hank, I ask that you and Willie Mays hold down your youngin’ when he breaks the record, because we know Bud and the MLB Good Ole Boys Club are gonna try and distance themselves as much as possible. Funny how things change, 10 years ago America was crapping its pants over Big Mac and Sosa surpassing Maris. Now they’re crapping their pants because Barry is gonna pass them all…

REST IN PEACE EDDIE ROBINSON. You don’t get enough credit as a builder of men for all those years!

williams

HAITI = GLOBALLY MOST GULLY

April 5th, 2007

haiti

Editor’s note: This news article was sent to me from the internets most hardbody Haitian, COMBAT JACK…

We’ve been down this road so many times before, but now the white are starting to take notice…

Being the western hemisphere’s most hardbody nation was never going to be enough for the Haitian massive and it turns out that their rampant gulliness stacks up well across the globe. Forbes magazine is publishing a listing of all the most corrupt nations across the planet. It’s an interesting read when you do the knowledge within the supremacy sponsored article. This is actually a list of all the countries that supremacy has shit on the hardest, and therefore they are forever submersed in shit. It’s some crazy shit.

haiti

Better than reading the whole mound of supremacist economic propaganda is to view the list in pictures via slideshow.

Forbes Magazines’s List of World’s Most Corrupt Nations

I Believe The Children Are The Future…

April 5th, 2007

why clef

Shout to Sexual Chocolate and Pardon Me Duke

Hate it or love it we can’t leave Iraq until we kill all the babies with birth defects. Did you think Agent Orange was the bitch of the bunch?

Nahh mayne that white phosphorous and depleted uranium will fuck you the fuck up.

Peep those arab Iraqi shorties (THAT LINK IS HARDBODY. DON’T CLICK THAT SHIT IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH).

This little nigga is alive and he aint even got no front to his grill. This is the problem with colored kids. They don’t know when to simply die.

This world is evil lil’ shorty, you need to just kill yourself
-Billy X. Sunday

We gon’ kill you at some point anyhoo. Maybe the pharmaceutical industrial complex can use shorty for some good. I’m sorry that you had to come to us at this time. Humanity isn’t ready right now. Let’s pray that GOD gives your soul to a species that deserves it.

The Internets Celebrities Takeover…

April 5th, 2007

nerds

In a subtle way, we are deciding the future of the world…

The Internets Celebrities director and film editor CASIMIR NOZKOWSKI is getting in front of the camera for a new video about the most reviled and misunderstood people on the the internets – The First Sayers