We’ll be setting it off for Channukah the right way while simultaneously giving props to the Black Jesus of basketball. DP Dot Com’s pearlized NIKE Dunks in the New York Knicks colorway along with a semi-recent throwback jersey of the yacht-owning coach choker.
You didn’t know SPREE was Hebrew?!?
True story… I called my homie on Monday night to inform me on what the score was during the Eagles Panthers game. I had a lot of cheese riding out on that game so I didn’t want to jinx myself by watching it. Instead, bay’girl and I went to see the movie ‘Deja Vu’ with DENZIZZLE in it. As an aside, that was a kick azz picture. You should all go see it, or NetFlix it, or whatever. The deal was that my office pool was $920 dollars last week and I was one Carolina win away from bubbling hardbody.
Most of you know, the Eagles went on to win the game. As I spoke on the phone with my homie the game was in it’s final minutes. I should have waited to call dude. When I got home I was a little despondent since I had already begun to spend that money on holiday gifts and other crap. Lo and behold inside my mailbox was a gift from ARTHUR McGRATH Accountants LLC. Finally, the DP Dot Com Football Pool has a sponsor that we can count on (pun intended, of course). All of that was to say that when one door closes another invariably opens. Now the Pool continues, steamrolling to our New Year’s Eve climax.
Memo to ESBEE:
ESBEE, my dude, I know you are out there. Check it, here are the rules again for the Bonus Points Heavy Roller picks. If you are still confused by it please e-mail me. My dream for this inaugural season here at DP Dot Com would be for all the poolers to be within two points of each other going into week 17. In order for that to happen you have to step up your picks game starting this weekend.
Here are the Bonus Points Heavy Roller picks rules…
Each pooler has the chance to designate two(2) Bonus Points questions as their ‘Heavy Roller’ picks. The ‘Heavy Roller’ picks work this way. You may wager points from your existing point total onto the ‘H.R.’ picks. This feature was created to make or break last place pooler ESBEE. He has a chance to get up to speed with this feature. For every point that you wager you will win twice that amount if your pick is correct. If your pick fails then you will lose only what you wagered. For instance… ESBEE picks the Cowboys to outscore the Lions on Thansgiving Day and wagers (5) points from his existing total (17) and the Cowboys win he gets to add (10) to his existing total of (17) = (27).
Everybody won’t be allowed to wager (5) points either. Your current point total determines the maximum amount of points that you can submit.
This qualifies for all the poolers that haven’t submitted picks recently like MISHA and Skeeter Valentine and Skagger Vance and P-City. Here is your chance to get back in the game. I hope that I’ve explained the Bonus Points breakdown system clearly. Now let’s get down to business.
ATLANTA FALCONS @ TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
RON MEXICO needs this win worse than a tube of Valtrex.
BALTIMORE RAY-VENS @ KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
HERM gives LARRY JOHNSON a bag of ‘sherm. RAY LEWIS doesn’t know what hit him.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS @ DETROIT LIONS
EL A is the only cat who cares about this game. Respect DILLA.
NEW YORK GIANTS @ CAROLINA PANTHERS
Carolina cost me big. I call it the curse of RAE CARRUTH.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS
CAMPBELL to COOLEY is on constant rewind at ESPN.
TENNESSEE TITANS @ HOUSTON TEXANS
VINCE YOUNG’s homecoming party.
BUFFALO BILLS @ NEW YORK JETS
Buffalo’s looking for a little getback from earlier this year.
Who has the most passing yards this weekend?
DREW BREES or JOHN KITNA?
Who scores the most touchdowns this weekend?
CHAD JOHNSON or LaDANIAN TOMLINSON?
Which teams scores the most points this weekend?
JAGUARS or JETS
Total combined score for GREEN BAY PACKERS @ SAN FRANCISCO 49er’s
OVER or UNDER 50 pts
It has finally come to pass that CANDICE has relinquished her lead in the DALLAS PENN Dot Com Football Pool. The fact it came on the weekend that her beloved Giants were beaten by the Cowwboys only puts the gravy on my biscuit. It was sweet watching the Ray-Vens lose on Thursday too. Life is good.
I am just going to get right to the heart of the matter and give you everybody’s totals. Since that’s what you want anyhoo.
THE DALLAS = 5 pts (59)
CANDICE = 0 pts (55)
Hong Kong 40 – #1 Super Guy = 6 pts (55)
LM = 5 pts (58)
TIFFANY = 3 pts (42)
AMADEO = 6 pts (61)
JESSE = 1 pt (35)
SHONQUAYSHAH= 5 pts (49)
Mr.KAMOJI = 4 pts (57)
EL A IN THE D = 3 pts (35)
SASQUATCHFART = 7 pts (55)
PRYNSEX = 2 pts (52)
S DOT = 13 pts (58)
ALEX2.0 = 6 pts (57)
ESBEE = 6 pts (27)
I wish ESBEE would read the rules and make his Heavy Roller picks correctly. Dude could have been in the lead by now. As it is he has almost crept up on EL A and JESSE. I got an e-mail message from my homegirl ALEX2.0 where she asked me to give the grand prize to the second place pooler in case I won the whole thing. What I am giving the second place pooler is the title of first place loser. There are no rewards for coming in second and there’s no crying in football pool.
I am sure that I will be sending some things out to all of the poolers as soon as the kid gets his money situation right. EL A deserves a lump of caol in his Christmas stocking for always making me think about his picks. 40 DAWG deserves a shiny brick or something for changing his name every single week. You all deserve something from me for spending your time here at this site when you could easily be at DeadSpin or somewhere else (read: masturbating to internets pr0n).
There’s still a lot of football left to play and bet on so stay tuned for this weeks’ pool.
How ’bout them Cowboys!?!
If you find yourself in a Barnes & Noble or Borders bookstore this weekend thumb through the recent copy of XXL magazine featuring NAS/YOUNG JEEZY as the alternate covers. On page 107 they list DALLASPENN.COM as the fourth of the top ten Hip-Hop blogs on the internet. They even gave us the backhanded compliment for posting “stream of conciousness rants”. What the fuck is that about?!? I thought we were serious journalists over here (no JASON BLAIR). Considering that the top three bloggers are all employees of XXL mag I think that makes us the top blog that isn’t on the payroll. I’ve got a special prize for anyone that doesn’t buy the magazine, but rips the page out of the mag and mails it to me.
SHOWBEE and the Showstoppers are singlehandely keeping the Association relavent. Just last night Young Rapist ran through the Utah Jazz as if they were a piece of young white poon on summer break, scoring early and often. SHOWBEE’s getting his points and more importantly Los Angeles is getting their wins. Say what you want to about DWAYNE, LeBRON and CARMELO, but SHOWBEE is the king of the court. It’s not just because he plays in a major market city either because dude would still be compelling even if he played in Memphis. I think it’s because he’s so earnest. Right now SHOWBEE is to the NBA what GAYME is to rap music. He’s the hottest shit on wax and compared to him SHAQUILLE O’NEAL is just an old head trying to stay in the game. Another similarity to GAYME is that they both whine like petulant children. Neither of them want for anything, but they still live life with a chip on their shoulder. If another championship is what it will take to make SHOWBEE happy he is going to have to wait a few more years. It’s all about Dallas right now…
Did I say that 2006 was going to be Dallas’ year? Alright, let me change that now to 2007. Anything named Dallas is going to be the shit in 2007 and you should get on the bandwagon now. The Dallas Mavericks are streaking through the NBA because they have the sluttiest cheerleaders. These are the kinds of broads that will sniff an 8-ball of DWIGHT GOODEN’s white pudding off each other’s backsides. MICHAEL IRVIN type chicks. Ask your girl Unruly Brown. She used to be one knows these broads.
Jay-Z came up with the crazy idea of having septuagenarian cheerleaders at Nets’ games during the holidays. One of those ladies is actually in her eighties too. This is a sick idea if these old biddies are hot. Can you imagine getting some sweet action from a hot great-grandma? Her lips prah’lee hang lower than a JIBBS chain. She has to fold them up just to put her drawls on. That’s what’s up. With Jay-Z coming out of retirement I guess he figures everyone else should too. I can’t wait to see the halftime show at the All-Star game next year in Las Vegas. Who wants to bet it’s gonna be EARTHA KITT in a catsuit?
Are you ready for some football?!? Who wants to take some side action on how my Cowboys get some getback this weekend? I didn’t think so. When it comes down to it y’all are scared of me taking over this pool shiite. You see where I’m at right now. I’m just lamping, waiting for a breakdown from AMADEO and CANDICE. You know its coming too.
Has everybody figured out the Bonus Points Heavy Rollers section yet? Itsoweezee. There are four(4) choices. You get to put the special sauce on two(2) out of the four(4). If you choose correctly you can make up for having a lackluster week. Here’s a quick scoring recap for those of you without a back button on your browsers…
My dream is to have us all tied up at Week 16 and then we have a wild scrum for points in the final week. It could happen. In the meantime, while we wait for an actual sponsor to pay for the gift packages I thought I would give a shout to the website’s virtual sponsor from way back – “Go From Ashy To Classy With CHAMPALE.”
Here goes the Week 13 lineup. Brace yo’self fool…
ARIZONA CARDINALS @ ST. LOUIS RAMS
ATLANTA FALCONS @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ CLEVELAND BROWNS
NEW YORK JETS @ GREEN BAY PACKERS
HOUSTON TEXANS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS
MIAMI DOLPHINS @ JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
DALLAS COWBOYS @ NEW YORK GIANTS
Who has more rushing yards this weekend?
MICHAEL VICK or SHAUN ALEXANDER
Who throws the most touchdown passes this weekend?
DREW BREES or PHILIP RIVERS?
Which team scores more points this weekend?
TENNESSEE or TAMPA BAY
Total combined score for MINNESOTA VIKINGS @ CHICAGO BEARS
OVER or UNDER 34 pts
What’s the matter suckas? You scared?