Archive for the ‘Sports are Gay’ Category

The DP Dot Com Football Pool (Wk 4)

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

the Dome

or, Are You Ready For Some POVERTY?!?!

I am piggybacking on a theme from my boy VIK regarding the Monday Night Football game at the Louisiana SuperDome. How fucked up am I that I watched the game despite my abject disgust about how the capital construction dollars slated to rebuild New Orleans have been abused and misused. I should have turned that game off before the kickoff. Instead I watched it until the end. It turns out that I wasn’t the only one caught up in the homecoming hoopla propaganda. That’s why I have decided to give at least $200 dollars to a charity based in New Orleans at the end of the football season. This will match the monies I expect to spend on buying the winner of the pool a pair of custom made DP dot com Air Max, and it will help to slightly absolve my guilty conscience that enjoys watching football from my home while the city that the game was played in is plagued with rampant homelessness. Uhhh, err, now that everyone is feeling good, let’s look at this week’s pool games…

DALLAS COWBOYS @ TENNESSEE TITANS
Suicide, it’s a suicide. Wah-dah-dah-day-wah-dah-dah-dah-dah-day. The COWBOYS run this Hip-Hop shit even with TERRELL OWENS corpse.

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS @ NEW YORK JETS
The JETS coach was part of a Patriots regime that knew how to get into that little bad place inside PEYTON MANNING’s mind. Despite that fact, and the rousing victory in Buffalo, the JETS will return to the Earth this weekend.

MIAMI DOLPHINS @ HOUSTON TEXANS
What appears to be two teams moving in seperate directions is actually two teams on different roads to Sucksville. The DOLPHINS are taking the Greyhound bus, while the TEXANS are going by Amtrak. At the end of the season they’ll both be there together, but the TEXANS got there first.

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS

I am patiently waiting for the wheels to fall off this Baltimore bandwagon and this should be the week that I finally get my wish. No offense to my good friend, B’More’s own AMADEO, but that is the problem that I have with Baltimore, no offense. Wasn’t Coach BILLICK an offensive coordinator? I hope LaDANIAN TOMLINSON runs a new azzhole into RAY LEWIS (no KORDELL STEWART)

SAN FRANCISCO 49ers @ KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

Regrettably continuing the above theme, there are only two things that come from Kansas City – steers and queers. And the only thing coming from ‘Frisco are flaming queers so it looks like the 49ers will be the victors for the 2006 Brokeback Bowl.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS

I’d like to think that LM’s hometown club could pull off the upset here, but I know better. JAGS bite ‘SKINS.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS @ CINCINNATI BENGALS

For all of those years that Cincinnati was considered one of the crappiest towns in Ohio I see these BENGALS fighting hard to restore the dignity to TIM KRUMRIE. The Patriots TOM BRADY can only wish he had the receiving corps that CARSON PALMER plays with.

You know how we do bitches, so drop it like its’ hot.

These YANKEES Aren’t Worth A Hill Of Beans…

Wednesday, September 27th, 2006

beaneaters

The YANKEES are never as bad as the worst teams in baseball. Their payroll is way too expansive to permit that, but sometimes they seem to contain the chemistry that exists on all the bad clubs. They keep up appearances by having marquee players distract you from what is esssentially a group of strangers cobbled from different walks of life. This is the major leagues and I doubt you will ever find a team that has come through the minor leagues together, but these YANKEES are as disparate a group as I have ever seen.

ALEX RODRIGUEZ a/k/a ‘Prom Queen’ will never be the A-ROD from Seattle. JASON GIAMBI is so unimpressive off steroids. RANDY JOHNSON hasn’t killed a single bird in New York. The highlight of DEREK JETER’s career is that at one time he was schtooping MARIAH CAREY. The YANKEES will never fall into the abyss because their owner would gladly ruin the salary structure of the game in order to procure a winning ballclub, but it is refreshing to watch the wheels come off ever so slightly as the METS ascend to NYC prominence.

Say it ain’t so CURT? It seems that losing can take it’s toll on a player physically and mentally. CURT SCHILLING has hinted that he may retire after this season. And I so wanted to see a Boston/METS World Series next year. Cie la vie.

The Monday Morning Quarterback Wk.3

Monday, September 25th, 2006

portis

There was a whole bunch of shit-talking going on last week, but none of y’all chumps could even run the table. Some of y’all need to take a bubble bath before you make your pics. Especially y’all peeps in Houston a/k/a West N’awlins. The Ravens limped out of Cleveland this weekend barely getting that win. The Dolphins and Redskins both broke the ice, so good for you ALEX 2.0 and LM.

Speaking of LM, its a good thing that you are a way better financial planner than you are in picking the games, or I’d still be using a Commodore 64 to do this website instead of a G4.

Let’s see who else needs to button they lips. Those of you that aren’t rookies this week have your composite score in parentheses.

THE DALLAS = 5 pts (10)
40 DAWG DREWLANDER = 6 pts
SHONQUAYSHAH = 4 pts (8)
P-CITY = 6 pts (11)
CANDICE = 6 pts (13)
AMADEO = 5 pts (11)
PRYNSEX = 4 pts
R.D. = 6 pts
TIFFANY = 5 pts
S DOT = 6 pts (11)
JESSE = 6 pts
Mr.GATES = 6 pts
LM = 5 pts (10)
ALEX 2.0 = 6 pts (10)
Mr.KAMOJI = 6 pts (11)
SASQUATCHFART = 4 pts
LAYON = 6 pts

CANDICE is still the overall leader, but the season has just begun and I expect her to tail off in the end. What happened to those Giants again? You aren’t going to win too many when you spot the opposing team a 5 touchdown lead. Keep playing to win the pool. A DALLASPENN dot com prize pack will go out to the overall winner including a pair of custom NIKE Air Max courtesy of the ‘Friends of Dallas Penn’.

The DP Dot Com Football Pool (Wk 3)

Thursday, September 21st, 2006

the dawgs

WHO LET THE DAWGS OUT?!?!?

Yeah, I know that it’s really only the second week for the pool, but its Week 3 for the NFL so we are just gonna act like nobody won any picks in week 1. Aiight?!?

I’m also in the process of politicking with a sponsor for the pool this way I can issue some prizes when the season concludes so take this bullshiite seriously. If your picks aren’t in before the first game that weekend kicks off you are a wrizzap for that week. With all that said, here are the games we are featuring this week…


CHICAGO BEARS @ MINNESOTA VIKINGS

I have a feeling that this will be the game that exposes Minnesota for being the shitty club that we all know they are and then the VIKINGS go on a ten game losing streak. Da’ BEARS.

CINCINNATI BENGALS @ PITTSBURGH STEELERS

Cincinnati is getting better and the Steelers are banged up. BENGALS in a close one.

N.Y. JETS @ BUFFALO BILLS

A.F.C. East is not the toughest division in the NFL, but the teams are competitive. The JETS soared last week against New England, just not high enough to get the win. JETS fly away this week.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS @ HOUSTON TEXANS

With all that money that DANIEL SNYDER, the ‘Skins owner spent this off season wouldn’t it be funny to watch the REDSKINS go winless this year. Not a chance. REDSKINS roll.

TENNESSEE TITANS @ MIAMI DOLPHINS
No EDDIE GEORGE and no STEVE McNAIR make the TITANS predictable and boring. VINCE YOUNG will do his thing, just not this season. DOLPHINS get off the schneid.

BALTIMORE RAVENS @ CLEVELAND BROWNS
Baltimore has been lights out so far this season and that is why they will fumble this contest. For whatever the reason, the RAVENS don’t do well in their former city. BROWNS let the dawgs out.

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ SAN FRANCISCO ’49ers
The EAGLES really stunk up the joint in the 4th quarter last weekend. They could use this win to fix their emotional post-TERRELL OWENS mindstate. I’m looking for another upset. NINERS go for the gold.

Let’s get it cracking. Drop your picks in the comments section.

It’s Just A Friendly Game Of Baseball…

Tuesday, September 19th, 2006

reggie

Peace to the Main Source and BioChemical Slang.

I was up in Harlem this weekend and I noticed how all the beisbol diamonds are occupied by little Dominican boys from el campo, while all the morenitos are on the basketball courts. The kids are totally segregated socially and culturally. I remember just a few years ago when I was a kid and we had Cuban boys in my neighborhood and they played baseball, basketball and football. Their language didn’t seperate them and neither did their upbringing.

Sports in America has always been the barometer for how we relate to one another across all kinds of lines, real and virtual. No sport has been of greater influence to the working class people of this country than baseball has. It has served as recreation and meditation, it has helped assimilation and upward mobilization.

I wonder if the parents of the Dominican kids tell their children not to fuck with the Black kids because of the supremacist fate that will await them? In a few more generations the quote unquote Black population of America will be overtaken by the Blacks from the Carribbean, South America and Africa. These peoples do not readily accept the designation of Black as neither do the mulattos, quadroons, octaroons, etc. There will come a point when urban housing projects act like the Indian reservations of the Midwest do. They will house a Black population that is totally disenfranchised and dependent on social programs for their subsistence.

I won’t be surprised then when I see a professional sports team named the Carolina Coons. I already have their fitted caps in home and away Bloods and Crips colors.

coons
coons