Archive for the ‘Sports are Gay’ Category

NBA SMOOTH GROOVES TIGHT PANTS ALL-STAR

Sunday, January 1st, 2006

clyde

One of the greatest players from the NBA’s golden ‘Tight Pants’ era was a true player in even the colloquial sense of the word.

WALT ‘CLYDE’ FRAZIER was an outstanding championship caliber point guard for the New York Knickerbockers. Off the court his street game was just as sharp. CLYDE wouldn’t have had a problem with the NBA’s new mandatory dress code. He wore Italian tailor custom made suits and alligator skin loafers on the regulack. CLYDE was known in some Harlem nightclubs as the ‘Playa from the Himalayas’ because of his penchant for wearing full length mink coats.

Peep how CLYDE really changed the game…

natural clyde

CLYDE was the very first athlete to parlay his smooth gamemanship and natural talent into a signature athletic shoe. The league was still dominated by fools wearing the classic Converse shoes. If you have ever owned a pair of those ill-fitting Converse then you must wonder as I do why they are still being made to this day. CLYDE’s signature shoe was made by a German company called Puma. Up to that point they had been known best for manufacturing shoes for track and field athletes. To add even more flavor to the ‘CLYDE’ shoe it was made out of calkskin suede. Subsequently, these shoes were too luxurious to be worn while playing basketball. The first pair of kicks that I ever bought with my own money was a pair of navy ‘CLYDE’s. They are part of the official O.G. B-Boy uniform and they are so sick with a pair of fat laces.

navy clydes

I love my Air Jordans just as much as the next, but all I am trying to say is that we need to respect the architects.

real baller

NBA GULLY TIGHT PANTS ALL-STAR MVP

Friday, December 23rd, 2005

dennis the menace

A super KHOFI ANNAN MARGE THATCHER NO HOMO should be said when you finish this post…

DENNIS RODMAN was one of the games most underrated superstars because of his problematic off-court antics, like the time he fell asleep with a shotgun in his mouth. The league realized that he was a huge talent as well as a powder keg so they decided not to market DENNIS as a bonafide star. In the end I think that just increased his outlaw legend. DENNIS is one of those beautiful interstate carwrecks that you can’t take your eyes off of because you think you might miss a glimpse of a decapitated motorist.

I can’t say anything bad about the dude only because he likes to wear women’s draws. Who among us hasn’t coveted feeling silky soft lace along our nether regions?!? Not to mention the fact that DENNIS has smashed major white poonahnee. MADONNA (when she still had that last window of hotness), CARMEN ELECTRA (spanish broads stay hot well into their sixties) and CINDY CRAWFORD (during her slutty NBA dick sampling phase).

white meat
I can’t cosign this outfit below but please peep the high powered assault rifles hanging on the wall in the background. You best believe I would be laughing at his azz, but only AFTER I was safely out of that room.

extra BYRON CRAWFORD nullus

Long Live the CURSE of RAE CARRUTH

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005

for shannon

This saturday the Dallas Cowboys will visit the Carolina Panthers at Bank of America Stadium. The Panthers have a playoff berth and homefield advantage at stake. The Cowboys are in desperate need of a win to keep their playoff hopes alive.

Cowboys hang the Panthers for Christmas due to the ‘Curse of RAE CARRUTH’.

The ‘Curse’ has been with the Panthers ever since the problematic Carolina wide receiver RAE CARRUTH arranged a hit on one of his B.M.’s (baby’s momma) to avoid paying her child support.

In other NFL action…

Giants vs. Redskins
– With all the Injuns opening up casinos across the country you might be tempted to put a few chips on these much improved ‘Skins, but keep in mind that the Giants are actually from New Jersey a/k/a MafiaLand. Do you remember what happened to JIMMY HOFFA when he ass bet with house money?

Patriots at Jets – Now that Congress has renewed the Patriot Act and the Transportation Safety Administration has lessened the restrictions for airline travel the double entendre and irony are flying high. Don’t expect any fireworks from this contest though because these Jets blow, and I’m definitely not talking about Lockerbie.

NBA Pines Away For the Return of Pum-Pum Shahts

Monday, December 19th, 2005

H.Q.

My boy, STEPHON ‘HeadQuarters’ MARBURY is getting hassled by the league office for wearing his shorts too long. Apparently the fashion police don’t appreciate the throwback clamdiggers. In a funny twist, hiking up the hemline on his shorts may cut down on H.Q.’s turnovers and general unproductivity.

H.QUEEZY

HeadQuarters convinced his umbrella carrier teammate to wear extra long shorts too. Now at least NATE ROBINSON gets his name in an NBA penalty docket book since its not going to be ib the scorer’s book.

nate dogg

The players union has filed a grievance on behalf of all the players that were issued fines. There are a few all-stars and semi-decent players on the list so I ask all of you basketball fans the question… Which team would you prefer, the one filled with delinquent felons in the capri pants or the team with the Hall of Famers in the booty-cutters?

pum pum shahts all stars

Keep in mind that the booty-cutter squad even has the greatest point guard of all time.

j.s.

My dude rocked his short shorts up until retirement.

male men

Ex-Football Star is Arrested For Using Improper Ebonics

Friday, December 2nd, 2005

mike = not a player

Of all the things that former Dallas Cowboys all-pro receiver MICHAEL IRVIN should be arrested for, like dressing like a dimestore zootsuit pimp or looking like a kooky coked out hustler, he has to go and get pinched for improper usage of Ebonics.

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, MICHAEL was pulled over by police when his car was spotted speeding. A search of his vehicle yielded drug paraphrenalia. When questioned about the ownership of said items, MICHAEL responded by saying that they belonged to his ‘brother’, upon afterwhich he was detained.

The correct response to the police query should have been ‘brotha’. That’s spelled B-R-O-T-H-A.