Archive for the ‘Jig Lit Review’ Category

Hip-Hop Is NOT A Culture (Reader’s Choice ReMix)

Thursday, June 26th, 2008

shouts to BC dot C

I have been trying to wrap my head around this topic for several weeks now. Ever since I saw a subway advertisement for the VH-1 produced show ‘Hip-Hop Honors,’ I have been in a lousy mood. When I think about the history of VH-1 and MTV in relation to Hip-Hop, I get pissed the fuck off. I am old enough to remember the time when these cultural hustlers would not recognize Hip-Hop because the T.I.’s didn’t believe they could make money from it. They thought that because this art was originally produced and created by disenfranchised people, it would not translate to the suburbs and the exurbs of America.

Give RUSSELL SIMMONS and RICK RUBIN hell’a credit too. When the T.I.’s saw how many white were coming to see acts like KURTIS BLOW, T-LA ROCK, RUN-DMC and of course, the BEASTIE BOYS, they realized there was money to be made. Keep in mind that Hip-Hop’s prime demographic group is white males between the ages of 14 yrs old and 28yrs old (a/k/a the new teenage years).

I went to see 50CENT at the 70,000 seat Ford Field in Detroit and the only black folks that I saw were the ones tap-dancing on stage and the fools selling bootleg tee shirts outside the arena. Hip-Hop music is how white in America gets a chance to go on an ‘urban safari’. From the veritable safety of their iPOD.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE stop calling Hip-Hop a culture. This demeans the achievements of actual cultures that have shaped everything from language to economics to politics. Hip-Hop has not transformed any of the aforementioned standards. Hip-Hop in America is marketed as an alternative to securing an education, so much so that the word ‘bling’ now appears in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. Hip-Hop in America is marketed to promote consumerism without regard for fiscal austerity, so much so that people without a pot to piss in have a bottle of champagne in their refrigerator. Hip-Hop in America is marketed as an over-sized white tee shirt instead of the realization of socio-political responsibility, so much so that ‘VOTE or DIE!’ rolls off of my lips as easy as ‘JUST SAY NO!’

The actual culture is called capitalism. Hip-Hop is an artistic movement that is an outgrowth of the culture of capitalism, much the same way that 5000 years ago North African culture produced the pyramids. Though to tell you the truth, Hip-Hop isn’t nearly as great or everlasting as the pyramids of Giza. I don’t think any beings will look at the ‘Black’ album 1000 years from now and think that they missed some kind of cultural zenith.

I am not telling you not to enjoy watching a program that features performances from some of the artists that have crafted the soundtrack to our lives, just don’t get all longwinded and quasi-intellectual. No one will care what you have to say anyway.

Dr. BILLY SUNDAY Explains That Crap Music Is For Retahds (Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em ReMix)

Monday, June 23rd, 2008

your brain on snap

This is a picture of the brain of someone listening to popular rap music. As you can see the cerebellum is malformed and there is also a black arrow taped to the medulla oblongata. However, the clearest sign that popular rap music makes a person brainless is the fact that this brain is no longer on the inside of a skull…

When I said that rap music was making you dumber it seems to have touched a nerve among some of the readers at this site, to which an incredible amount of inane and ridiculous comments have followed up the original post. I won’t spend time refuting the naysayers individually because I realize that I may be talking too much. Instead I will be concise and succinct in my explaination so that anyone who chooses to comment will have clear examples to compare.

1) Popular crap music is no longer art, but disposable commercial bullshiite.

Art has a contextual relevance and a permenance as a cultural marker. Art will indicate the watermark that the culture that created it exists in. It reveals what you know about your universe and what you value inside of that knowledge. It tells other stories as well. Are you a heroic people, or simply brainless cowards? Do you seek challenges or simply the lowest common denominator, the status quo.

Art is on some deep shit like that and all of you neggars need to recognize. If your art is afraid to challenge you to think then by default it makes you a coward, and a dummy. I said that popular crap music was for retahds, but there are some retahds that are fucking hardbody. They might be as dumb as the hyphy song, but they ain’t taking shit from nobody. Those are the retahds that are too smart even to listen to ‘Snap’ music.

snap music

EXHIBIT 1 is a simple piece of art. We all get it. You pat the person that created it atop the head and you hang it on the ‘frige with a magnet until it gets yellow and hopefully the artist grows up and develops the cognitive motor skills to create more complex imagery. The only person keeping this crap would be the woman that birthed this retahd. Women are programmed to be like this and that is why so many enjoy the misogyny of popular crap music even though it leads to physical abuse and rapes.

underground hip-hop

EXHIBIT 2 is a more complex piece of art. It plays with color and texture brilliantly. Just like EXHIBIT 1, this sample describes something that we imagine to be real, but the abundance of carefully precise details makes that representation more factual and substantial. If you were walking down the street and you saw both EXHIBIT 1 and EXHIBIT 2 in framed glass and you could take one home with you which one would it be? Can we all agree right now that you would have to be retahded if you chose EXHIBIT 1?

What is happening right now in popular culture is that the streets are littered with EXHIBIT 1‘s and the people desire a piece of art to admire so badly they are picking them up. I blame the T.I.’s for what they are doing to all the LITTLE JOHNNYs of the world.

little johnny LITTLE JOHNNY had taken to listening to crap music by FIFTY CENT, YOUNG JEEZY and JAY-Z. Here he is pictured on his way to the Summer Booty Fest 2003 concert. The highlight of the show was when NELLY poured a gallon of warm carmelized candy apple syrup on the behind of anyone who wanted a free pair of his ‘Apple Bottom’ brand jeans. LITTLE JOHNNY has a pair.

little johnny

We remember when LITTLE JOHNNY listened to The Poor Righteous Teachers and KRS-One. The T.I.’s thought that he might develop into a Black Nationalist, or worse, a communist so that’s when they began to conspire to bring a less complex and diverse texture into the playlists of commercial radio stations.


little johnny Today LITTLE JOHNNY enjoys listening to our old cassettes of Air Supply and DAN FOGELBERG while he becomes a productive member of the community.

Note to readers: WILLIAM H. SUNDAY is a high school dropout and is not a licensed general medical practitioner in any state or county.

Crap Music Is Making You Stupiderer (Lil’ Wang’s ReMix)

Monday, June 23rd, 2008

iron mike

More hard evidence that rap music is making you dumber than you already were…

KING TEE from StapleCrops Studios posited a great question to me the other afternoon. He asked me if I thought that popular rap music was less intelligent now then say, 15 years ago. From the onset when I look at songs like ‘Laffy Taffy’ and acts like the Black Eyed Peas I think that this is a no-brainer question, but how do I answer this query based on empirical knowledge without any of the emotional baggage?

Very simply. I will study two factors that lend themselves to intelligent discussion, word count and number of polysyllabic words used. I think we can all agree that the breadth of someone’s vocabulary is a good measure to their relative intelligence which in turn correlates to other areas like their understanding of the world around them. Why is intelligence important you might ask? cRappers have become the de facto statesmen for a generation of people (mostly coloreds). If you are to trust these people to express your issues wouldn’t you want someone that has the most knowledge to represent you? After this exercise is complete we will know who we should listen to if anyone at all.

Let’s try an example…

D4L – ‘Laffy Taffy’
word count = 392 (including ‘dis’ 6x and ‘dat’ 5x)
polysyllabic words (3+ sylable) = 4 (longest = motherfuckin’)

BIG DADDY KANE – ‘Raw’
word count = 670
polysyllabic words (3+ sylable) = 22 (longest = tie: perpetrating, fascinating, entertaining)

O.K., that was pretty obvious from jumpstreet. Southern rap music doesn’t pretend to be any more elevated than slavespeak. Let’s go deeper into the rap music matrix to see who matches up when true lyricists are considered…

JAY-Z – ‘Can’t Knock The Hustle’
word count = 437 (barely more than ‘Laffy Taffy’)
polysyllabic words = 10 (longest = entertainment)

NAS – ‘N.Y. State Of Mind’
word count = 730
polysyllabic words = 20 (longest = tie: composition, information, investments, equivalent)

RAKIM ALLAH – ‘Microphone Fiend’
word count = 550
polysyllabic words = 40 (longest = hypochondriac)

Imagine for a moment if you will the amount of ideas that RAKIM would have conveyed if he had used as many words as NAS. It’s clearly evident the less that you know and express lyrically has an inverse relationship to your popularity. EMINEM might be the anomaly to this experiment, but I leave that for you kids to examine for yourselves.

A Tree Grows In Brooklyn…

Wednesday, May 14th, 2008

bcm

The rendering above is of the retrofitted Brooklyn Children’s Museum. Those of you that have grown up in the boro of Kings over the last thirty years should be quite familiar with the older version. Even though I was raised in Corona, I visited this building often because it was located in Mr. PENN’s former ‘hood.

I have enjoyed a pretty fantastic professional career thanks to the architects that schooled me in my post-high school dropout years. I have been able to take a firsthand account of the revitalization of New York City’s greatest immigrant county. More importantly, I have had the opportunity to deliver some of the best architectural projects to the people of the city since the days of the great depression.

I know that my dad and the Old Jew are proud of me. Without their stern lessons, and mostly their love, I would never have made the journey. I have to take a moment to thank AAUM for both of them. For my mind, there is no doubt that they both helped me get through this project. Their steadfast resolve and discipline are the biggest things I think of when the going gets tough.

This past week the ribbon was cut for the grand re-opening of this state of the art cultural science learning center. The Brooklyn Museum of Art has a grand facade made of steel and tempered glass. The Brooklyn Central Public Library has a gorgeous plaza and brand new multi-use auditorium. The Brooklyn Children’s Museum has all of that, AND it is expressly for the children.

Some of the people at the opening gala who have become accustomed to seeing me with a raggedy beard and shiny sneakers were shocked and amazed to see me in my pinstripe suit. I’m sure they all thought that I cleaned up my act to impress the politicians. What I didn’t bother to tell them was that my haircut and suit were donned out of respect for the men that put me in the place that I am.

This was how I thanked them both.

bcm

bcm

Will Miss Rap Reign Supreme?

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

miss rap supreme

Billy X. Sunday only wants to interview XXL Eye Candy.

The ego trip collective brings us their latest rap music survivor contest with the show ‘Miss Rap Supreme’ premiering tomorrow night at 10pm on Vh-1. I’m wondering though if the ladies still care about rap music like that to be a dedicated viewing audience. I know that the fellas still give a fuck about Hip-Hop, but do they care about the trials and tribulations of a woman seeking to find fame and fortune in the rap game?

The last female that I honestly wanted to hear rhyme was Rah-Digga. After she got all glammed up I felt like she lost some of her flavor. I also loved Lil’ Kim when Notorious was still alive and before she got her first nosejob. There are a bunch of other female rappers I lsort of listened to, but they all served as concubines to the alpha-male counterpart of their crew. Except Missy Elliot, and I can’t say that I have ever liked her as a rapper. Missy might be one of Hip-Hop’s greatest entertainers, but as a rapper… I think Magoo writes her shit.

Before someone shouts out Jean Grae or even Lady Luck I have to tell you that I don’t know who either of them is. Lady Luck has that verse on the Pharoahe Monch remix, but after that I couldn’t tell you who she is. Jean Grae has been on everyone’s list since forever yet she still can’t manage enough headway in the industry to get her shit out. Does the industry know something that we don’t? In this case prah’lee. The point of this show can’t be to rehash old careers. No one will watch that shit, unless you place a camera on Foxy Brown 24-7. Speaking of Fox Boogie, she is about to get out of the clink next week. Somebody needs to spool up the DV tapes for that circus.

Which asks further… Why are we watching this program in the first place? Will ‘Miss Rap Supreme’ bring rap music back into the hands of the entire community? Will folks buy the iTunes single? Will this be another lowest common denominator type series? Will a motherfucking tree grow in Brooklyn? I’m fucking with ego trip’s show for sure, but if they are just going to have a catfight every week then I might as well go to Cat Fight City.

As a matter of fact, I’m going there now.