Archive for the ‘T.O.N.Y.’ Category

A LETTER FROM THE MANAGEMENT

Monday, January 8th, 2007

hny

Now that I’ve thrown up for eight consecutive days in honor of Kwaaaanzaaaa it’s time to get back to the internets. Big up to RAFI and COMBAT JACK for leaving me expletive laden messages of encouragement on my voicemail. Since the gang is all here I guess there’s nothing to it other than to do it.

Who should we bring the fire to first?

OPRAH? THE N.Y.P.D.? DEAD SADDAM? BRITNEY? WACK RAPPERS?

Rest assured that the usual suspects won’t be able to hide from us, nor will we forget to remind you of what’s truly important to us. Community. Respect. Humanity.

So let’s definetly not call this a comeback since I’ve been here for virtual years, but rest assured I am going to put the suckas in fear for the ’07.

JAMES BROWN TRIBUTE PARTY 2.10.07

Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007

keistar flyer

Only a little over a week away…

JAMES BROWN’s SOUL KITCHEN…

Tuesday, December 26th, 2006

unity

I can’t front and act like I was always down with the funky sound of JAMES BROWN. Yeah, I knew how often his music was sampled for the Hip-Hop music that I grooved to the most, but there was still a large disconnect that I had with JAMES BROWN’s music. It’s no small stretch to say that JAMES BROWN is the father of modern day popular dance music. When you listen to a J.B. song there are two things I can guarantee. It will be funky, and that funk will make you move your body.

Let me begin with my teenage years at the Times Square nightclub Latin Quarter. One of the popular songs for Red Alert’s Saturday night party was made by Super Lover Cee and Casanova Rud. The song was called ‘Do The James’ and it referenced the Hip-Hop dance called the James Brown. The dance was based on J.B.’s signature move of sliding across the stage on one foot. There were several dances that you had to do during those days including the head shaking Wop, the goofy Pee Wee Herman, The suave Cameo slide, the high jumping Fila and the energetic James Brown. When the Super Lover Cee song was mixed through the speakers was when you had to do your version of the James Brown. I wasn’t as good a dancer as the kids from I.O.U. were, but I had an extremely high flattop haircut and freshly ironed Girbaud slacks with a crisp Polo rugby so I wasn’t trying to play the wall either.

8 x avirex

Even though so much of the music that I loved owed an unrequited debt to JAMES BROWN’s musical genius I had no greater appreciation for him than the skits performed by EDDIE MURPHY I remembered from Saturday Night Live. There was that song he did in Rocky 7 or whatever. It would be several years before I would come to understand exactly how influential JAMES BROWN was to everyone that was making music in the 1980’s from R & B to new wave, to disco and gospel. It was all contained within the evolution of jazz into funk. JAMES BROWN was that COUNT BASIE, DUKE ELLINGTON, LOUIS ARMSTRONG, MILES DAVIS type of musician and so much more. He also knew that music held the key to educate and inspire it’s listeners so he unabashedly tackled social issues like race, drug addiction and poverty.

When the 1990’s came around New York City was without a specific Hip-Hop club. Mars on West 13th Street tried to fill that void with their ‘TRIP’ parties while a host of promoters would have loft parties on Broadway in the SoHo area. One of these parties called ‘Payday’ had an interesting mix of promoters who were classic and current Hip-Hop fans. They hired a dee jay named FRANKIE INGLESE to spin for their small Monday night party at Brother’s Bar-B-Cue. The party was primarily a cool out for the music industry people that worked in the neighborhood. Doors opened at 10pm and there were free bar-b-cue wings along with quarts of Colt 45 sold for a ridiculous three dollars. Suffice it to say this was my Monday evening dinner party.

FRANKIE INGLESE kept it funky all night. Classic hits from Parliament Funkadelic, the Meters, Sly and The Family Stone, Average White Band, Rufus, Rick James and so many other great musicians played on through the night. FRANKIE had the original 12 inch vinyl records for all the music that rappers were sampling. He even had stuff that hadn’t been discovered yet by Hip-Hoppers. This was where I first heard the extended version of JAMES BROWN’s ‘The Big Payback’. It’s a song so rich and complex with melodies that several songs have been sampled from that record and most of them sound different from one another. It was as if you could get an endless amount of samples from one JAMES BROWN record.

jb

If you wanted to become a Hip-Hop producer then Franky Jackson’s Soul Kitchen became the only party that you needed to attend. There was a moment when everyone who was involved in Hip-Hop was coming to this party. I credit this party with restoring the popularity of artists like GEORGE CLINTON, WILSON PICKETT, BOOSTY COLLINS and MACEO PARKER, but bigger than all of those guys was the man who inspired their music. Franky Jackson’s Soul Kitchen helped me appreciate why JAMES BROWN was called ‘The Godfather’.

JAMES BROWN deserved extra credit for his bandleading and musical composition abilities since he never learned how to read music. He employed classically trained musicians that were familiar in styles like swing and jazz and they would help him translate the desired notes and charts to the other bandmembers. The key to JAMES BROWN’s music were his rhythm tracks and the fact that he did not employ chord changes. His improvisational use of the horn section was also signature. Because his instrumentation was so uniform and tight there has been no one sampled in Hip-Hop more than JAMES BROWN.

In the summer of 1997 JAMES BROWN performed a concert in NYC’s Central Park. This was the only time that I saw him perform and it was worth twice the money of the ticket even though I snuck in. JAMES BROWN lived up to his other nickname as the hardest working man in show business. He never stopped dancing for his over two hour set. Hit after hit rained down from the stage and this might have been the one time in my life that I saw people in their twenties dancing with those in their seventies. JAMES BROWN’s groove was that universal and that transcendent. Heaven was already a swingin’ joint with a touch of jazz. This Christmas, GOD gave Heaven a funky president for a present.

R.I.P. JAMES BROWN

jb

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM JESUS’ Glock 9mm…

Saturday, December 23rd, 2006

heysoo

I’m fairly confident that JESUS will have a gun when he comes back to Earth, especially if he plans on hanging out in America. We loooooooove guns in America. Almost as much as we love GOD. Okay, truth is that we don’t nearly love GOD as much as we love guns, but we love righteous indignation, and that’s a way of loving GOD too I think. As a matter of fact we will shoot you over our righteous indignation, because that’s how JESUS would want it. If he had a gun.

Here’s the short list of people that will be shooting their guns in the air for the new year. Pray that you aren’t caught up in the crossfire…

duke DUKE LACROSSE TEAM
Now that these young boys can put that silly rape nonsense in the rearview mirror they can go back to being the third best LAX team in the Atlantic Coast Conference. This case was a pile of elephant shit inside of an industrial strength food processor when it first dropped. Ultra sensitive back country Blacks took offense to the notion that a prostitute wasn’t really a college student just because she was taking an english course at a community college. Too bad she wasn’t taking an ethics class. Then she would have known how to spill the beans properly, stating that she was a professional lady who was drugged up by some hormonely agressive college punks. Who knows what the real story is in that shitstorm anyhoo? A drunk STEVEN PAGONES sits in his living room laughing and crying simultaneously.

WALL STREET STOCK BROKERS
JESUS knew that the money changers were steady cooking the books and that’s what these crooks are prah’lee up to when they pay themselves these exorbitant bonuses. I saw a fantastic article in the local newspaper detailing all the people that these billion dollar bonuses fed. The waitress at the Wall Street steakhouse who gets $100 tips. The luxury sportscar dealer and the realtor that sells Manhattan penthouse apartments to hotshot day traders. I’m not an advocate for cannibalism, but these dudes are gonna taste like meat the day the market blows chunks.
stockbrokers

virgil goode VIRGINIA U.S. REP VIRGIL GOODE
In one of those classic hiccups that happen when racist lawmakers hire staffers even more stupid than they are we learned that anti-Muslim xenophobia runs as deep as the Chesapeake River. A U.S. Rep thinks that we can somehow have a moratorium on Muslim immigrants as if they all wear nametags and turbans. That’s almost as stupid as building a fence throughout Texas. GOODE only removes his head from the sand in order to stick it up his arse.

MARY CHENEY
Don’t say nothing sideways about the vice president’s daughter because dude has a gun and he is known to shoot even his friends in the face. It’s just that his daughter is married to another woman so this child might be an immaculate conception. Could this be the second coming of the infant baby JESUS? Give this kid some credit too for all the girl on girl fuckfests he’ll have experienced while in the womb.
lil weazle

the wire NYPD COPS
Right after the murder of SEAN BELL the NYPD went on a shooting spree in New York City. All these additional incidents were publicized to mitigate the fact that the SEAN BELL case was cold blooded murder. Bullets flew in all directions at the scene of SEAN BELL’s death as cops even targeted bystanders. I pray that the family of SEAN BELL doesn’t accept any money for their son’s death. I hope they stop at nothing less than the conviction of the three malicious cops that ignited and continued this tragedy. I believe that this case can change a city for the better. Not just with rhetoric, but with resolutions on the carte blanche that cops have to kill young Black males. If Hip-Hop is dead, why can’t supremacy die one day too?

DIDDY’s LITTLE GIRLS…

Friday, December 22nd, 2006

ladiez

My bad if I have seemed like somewhat of a grinch during the holiday season. Here’s some good news to take home with you this weekend. PUFF DIDDY, The King of All Jigs, is a daddy once again now that KIM PORTER has given birth to twin baby girls. We here at the site would like to congratulate DIDDY and wish a speedy recovery to his babies’ momma.

Being good friends of PUFF DIDDY in the sense that we plan to work for him one day (no FONZWORTH BENTLEY) we thought we might advise him on the naming of his new queens. Please NO JIG NAMES. How about KAITLYN and KRISTIN, or maybe even KARIN. Something with a ‘K’ to give KIM a shout, but at the same time something that a white would be comfortable with.

Not that KEISHA or KASSIE aren’t… Kool, but c’mon DIDDY if everyone in America named their kids KATELYN and Black kids still weren’t able to get into good schools then we might have an argument with Yale’s admissions department.