Awwwwww ish! Where the ladies at?!? I see some of the females that can handle the truth are throwing their hats in the ring for the Sneaker Fiends United NIKE iD cage match. There ain’t nothing sexier than a shorty with a crispy pair of kicks on and a lollipop in her mouth.
The around the way shorty that has climbed in the ring is my homey TY TY (no Jigga) from Strong Island. Let’s see how hard she comes in…
Divas Air Max ’90
The Divas.
All I know is that homegirl in the red is definitely fucking.
Citrus Fire Air Max 1
Get your daily recommended dosage of Vitamin C along with some icy white snakeskin.
The Sneaker Fiends United NIKE iD cage match is going down so icy!
Shouts to everybody that sent me their designs. I won’t be able to post all of them because some of you didn’t send me a .jpg file. What’s up with that?! I’m here in a public library with a gotdamn flash drive. Y’all niggas should see how bootlegg my operation is. I need for y’all to give me LESS work to do, not more. Shouts to everyone that follows directions.
If you ain’t got shit to do today and you are in the NYC then come through NIKETOWN for the grand opening of the new iD Design Studio. CLARK KENT will be on the set as well as some other celeb status peoples and even a few internets celebrities. I see you over there PardonMeDuke. Holla at your boy.
Enough with the promo already. You already know what it is. If you don’t just sodomize yourself with a salad spoon and a two-liter soda bottle.
Let’s get ready to RRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMBLE!
I chose these five designs to set shit off because all of these cats went in hard[ll] with their creativity and inspiration. At the end of the day if you take anything of value from this site let it be known that you are part of a creative community.
*sings NaS ‘I Can’ as he brings out challengers*
Crystal Blue Gator Air Max 1
The Blues Brothers never had this much swagger.
Chuuuch!
Mickey D Air Max ’90
How the hell does Ronald McDonald stay so slim after eating all of those effin’ Ghetto Big Macs?!?
The Chronic Air Max 360
“The Chronic. Pure Greens. Nuff said. Too bad they didn’t have browns available, cause we all know you need a little of the brown to add some spice.” –LionXL
Punch Out Air Max 1
Straight laced in all black croc skin (because they’re more aggressive than ‘gators) with a hint of red to symbolize the canvas he would fight on, the gloves that he wore and the blood that he would come to extract in various ways.
In 1987 Iron Mike added the WBA belt to his collection, he was already the youngest and most vicious champ in history and it was also the year that “Tyson Mania” became rampant ie. Nintendo’s release of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! for the Nintendo Entertainment System. The man never faked the funk, and for that reason he became a boxing god.
“My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It’s ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm.” – Iron Mike
Now that’s what I’m talking about! No sooner had I created the challenge then the first blows have been struck. It is about to go down up in this piece as we get all hype williams[ll] for the grand opening of the NIKE iD Design Studio inside of NIKETOWN NYC.
NIKE iD has been the move for me ever since I visited their installation in lower Manhattan. It’s all about creating a shoe for yourself that is as fresh and unique as you are. You would be a maniac to have as many sneakers as I do, but if you are going to have only one pair it should be the pair that represents your steez to the fullest.
My main nigga on the trigger (no T.I.) 40 DIESEL is going in hard with these designs he sends us. From the top to the bottom, 40 DIESEL keeps it realer than most. So when you see a six foot seven offensive lineman rocking a Mighty Healthy fitted and sporting a pair of NIKE iD Air Force 1’s holler at your bulldog.
Olde Gold Air Max ’97
Taking the 97 shoe and shaving 10 years off of it with the colorway. A homage to my favorite hood elixir. Deep Red pearlized panels with gold 3M and metallic gold accents interplays as the beer and the label of the Old English. The dark cinder lining represents for the brown
bag which provides the buffer between the beer and your hand. Now it’s been flipped to the inside to represent the buffer between your feet and the shoe. Topped off with white laces, swoosh and personalization for the white font of the label and the foamy head[ll] of this fine malt beverage.
Remy Martin VSOP Air Max ’97
Decked out in snake skin appointments this model was inspired by the satin finished Remy Martin VSOP bottle considered the entry point for fine cognac. Once again using the Gold 3M highlights and in the airbag lends itself to the gold leaf of the Remy label. Using the appropriately titled cognac colorway I have filled out the rest of the shoe, playing the contents of the bottle against the actual vessel itself.
And lastly, the shoes were ID’ed with the VSOP designation and the year 1724 in accordance with the foundation and standards of The House of Remy Martin.
Editor’s note: Average Bro is not your average weblog. There’s insight and witticisms that extend to all kinds of social topics. I love the articles about why ROBERT SYLVESTER isn’t already in jail and what the fuck our kids are listening to in their iPods? I lifted this drop from his site to give you a taste of his flavor[ll].
“SuperManning That Ho!” (aka: Do You Really Know What’s In Your Child’s iPod?!?)
My disdain for ringtone rap music is well documented, so I probably just missed this one simply because I haven’t ever listened to more than 4-5 seconds of Soulja Boy’s ‘Crank Dat’. I guess I just value my brain cells far too much. For those of you familiar with this song this probably won’t be much of a surprise, but I ran across an article this morning that examined the song’s lyrics in depth and I couldn’t believe something so profane is being played over the airwaves.
Peep the lyrics yourself. The hook, which is about the only semi-intelligible thing in the entire song, goes a lil’ somethin’ like this:
Soulja Boy Off In This Ho
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
Then Super Man Dat Ho
Now Watch Me Do
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me yua!
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me yua!
If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering what the heck “SuperManning That Ho” entails. A quick Google of this term pulled up this very crude entry in the Urban Dictionary*. AverageBro.com is for the chill’ren, so I’m not going to bother cut and pasting the definition of “SuperManning That Ho” on this family friendly site. Let’s just say it makes the term “Skeet Skeet” sound like a nursery rhyme by comparison.
*Editor’s note: DP Dot Com is also for the children, but we believe that the children should be properly informed about everything. The Urban Dictionary quoth: “When you’re doing a girl doggy style, pull out, and cum on her back/ass. When she tells you to wipe it off, you pretend to, and when she wakes up, she has the bed sheets stuck to her back like supermans cape.”
Last week, I posted a clip of an obviously talented young kid stepping to the song “Wipe Me Down”. When a person purporting to be the child’s father visited the site, he left a scathing comment that set off a flurry of replies; many questioned me for being so critical, and some questioned the father’s sanity for posting a video of his kid dancing to a strip club anthem.
I have yet to hear back from the father, but if he’d like me to modify the post, I’d be more than willing. Chances are this clip was probably a family joke that someone irresponsibly got ahold of and threw on Youtube for the whole world (13,000 viewers and counting in just one week) to gawk at. I refuse to believe any rational and sane father would put his kid out there like that. For playing my part in such rank exploitation of a minor, I sincerely apologize. Hit me up if you want me to edit the post, but I’d suggest you get it off the rest of the internet too while you’re at it.
This whole thing has me wondering if people, especially parents, really know what these kids nowadays are listening to. If so, does it really matter anyway? My nephew, much to my chagrin, knows the dance as well as all the words to “Soulja Boy”. While I cry inside everytime I see him perform this, he’s a pretty sheltered 11-year old, so I wonder how much the whole concept of “SuperManning That Ho” goes right over his head. I don’t really worry about him turning out bad, after all, he is a straight-A private school student from a supportive two-parent household. Kinda, sorta… well, heck, just like I was as a tween’ listening to Too Short and the Too Live Crew, who were hardly Disney-friendly themselves. Judging by the daily readership here at AB.com, I’d say I turned out relatively well, so what’s to say he won’t?
Think about it. Are today’s “Aunt Jackie” and “Ay Bay Bay” really much worse than yesterdays “The Rappin’ Duke” and “The Pee Wee Herman“. Then again, those artists weren’t getting 6,500 spins a week, but hey, what do I know?
I guess rap lyrics, despite how profane, only can truly taint a certain impressionable segment of the population. And hey let’s face, that segment of the population is already eff’ed the eff’ up anyway. Hurricane Chris is merely proverbial icing on the shitcake of life for these kids. Cleaning up (c)rap music won’t improve their fortunes any more than firing Don Imus improved the fortunes of black women. Societal problems are far more complex to trivialize and pin on something so superficial as the words of an 18 year old. So while I sure as hell won’t be letting my son listen to “SuperManning That Ho” (yes, I am reusing that phrase on purpose) anytime soon, it’s probably not fair of me to judge others just because they allow their kids to.
Live and let live. I guess you could say this was an epiphany of sorts.
Reality is, bad parenting and poor education pose far bigger threats to our community than Soulja Boy’s ‘Crank Dat’. Maybe that’s why as much as BET bugs me, I’d much rather use my limited time and energy tutoring, mentoring, and coaching our next generation of young leaders than getting all in a tizzy over 106th and Park.
Then again, this is just one black man’s opinion. And you know what they say about those.
Bonus Beats: For the unfamiliar, here’s the music video to Soulja Boy’s song, thankfully minus a graphic demonstration of ‘SuperManning That Ho’.
And they say Hip-Hop Is Dead. I’d say “Hip-Hop is a rotting, stank, decomposed corpse of it’s former self” is probably a bit more accurate.
Editor’s note: This drop comes from the mind of my blog cousin at What Would Thembi DO? I almost couldn’t handle the truth.
The photo above is no gag – as funny as it is to see that the composite sketch of the rapist looks just like the newscaster, its not as funny when you realize that police sketch artist drawings of black people are notoriously poor and rarely look like anyone in particular. I’m convinced that when asked to describe the suspect, witnesses just describe the last black male they saw, even if they last saw a black male on television. So I did a little Thembi-style experiment by going online and digging up dozens of sketches of black suspects to see just who the strong arm of the law is looking for. Of course my conclusion was that the “black male suspect” could be ANYONE or SOMEONE who obviously didn’t commit the crime. Here are just a few for now…
Is this a suspected child molester from the Fort Lauderdale area? Or is it Barack Obama lookin’ mad?
It looks like the Houston metropolitan area has been in a frenzy searching for a rapist … or Mel B’s babydaddy.
This aint no Baltimore area armed robber – it’s MC Hammer during his “Pumps and a Bump” phase!
This alleged bank robber looks so much like LL Cool J I don’t even know why I bothered posting the real Uncle L’s picture
* BONUS BEATS * BONUS BEATS * BONUS BEATS *
Black Weblogs nominee Boo Goo Doo Boom has me feeling some kind of blue with this sketch.
