Archive for the ‘Billy Sunday @ XXL’ Category

Respect His Eminence…

Friday, May 15th, 2009

em

Are you ready for your Daily Mathematics?

For several years this weblog has existed I have tried to explain that the essence of rap could be described by using a mathematical formula. Rap is a hyper-evolved level of communication using music, melody and mnemonic devices. This is why it is loved all across the globe. The greatest achievement of the human species is our ability to communicate on the highest level with speech. If we only had body movements and yelling we would have never have invented Twitter.

I think that the highest level of rap artistry is contained in the artists that frequently use polysyllabic words. The complex compound words can contain several meaning all at once based on the root of the word and the context it is delivered. The artist commonly considered to be the best rapper of all time was the master of injecting his rhyme speech with polysyllabic words. These phrases bent and stretched his rhymes well past the verse they were spoken in and put them into the stratosphere as some of the most used quotes spoken in the Hip-Hop culture.

The most important word to an emcee is polysyllabic – microphone.

‘Nuff said.

Eminem’s latest album ‘Relapse’ is fantastic for it’s graphic gory content. This album is part of the great history of epic entertaining horror-core productions. This album is rap’s ‘Nightmare On Elm Street’. It is horrific, disgusting, profane, satirical and brilliant all at the same time. Lyrically, I consider this to be on a classic level. If the beats by Dr. Dre were swapped out for some of the dark production of DOOM, or more appropriately RZA, this album would be a certified classic. This drop though is to discuss the lyrical eminence of Eminem. A reader stated that this album was garbage. I don’t believe that reader listened to this album or if he did his ability to judge art is negligible.

This album is the VAN GOGH of rap music. The fact that Eminem even referred to himself as VAN G adds to his lyrical prowess. The heartbroken madman who has gleefully crossed the line into insanity is vividly painted in story format as well as open form rap braggadocio. I asked the reader to offer an album that contained better lyrics than ‘Relapse’. His offering was Lil’ Wayne’s ‘The Carter II’. That should already tip you off to the fact that this reader is a da-dunn da-dunt. Lil’ Wayne’s ‘The Carter II’ is actually Wayne’s best album. As I scanned over the album looking for a track to do a cross-reference comparison to I looked for songs that had similar lengths to the unusually long tracks posted on ‘Relapse’. I decided to use the track ghost-written by Juelz Santana called Tha’ Mobb.

As a repayment for Santana’s skills on this song I believe Wayne introduced Juelz to syrup.

wayne

Tha’ Mobb

Wayne uses 853 words in this song. Thirty(30) are polysyllabic. The longest being promethezine clocking in a strong twelve(12) letters. The key number in all of these stats though is the percentage of polysyllabic words to the entire composition. Wayne’s final numbers were 3.5169/1000. That is the percantage of polysyllabic words his verses would contain per 1000 words. Big Daddy Kane averages about the same. Kane is loved and feared, but no one, not even Kane himself, calls him the greatest rapper alive. Hyperbole lives and his name is Lil’ Wayne.

em

3am

The Eminem song I used is the comically violent 3am. This song had the same run time as Lil’ Wayne’s Tha’ Mobb (5mins 21sec). Eminem uses only 769 total words but forty-eight(48) of them are the 3+ syllable variety. The longest polysyllabic word in this murderous rap rampage was the thirteen(13) letter hallucinogens. Eminem was obviously on something extra to have the mind to craft this masterpiece. The average percentage of polysyllabic words per 1000 for Eminem is 6.2418 and approaching twice that of Lil’ Wayne. My point in all of this is to illustrate that the Relapse album is far from garbage no matter how you look at rap music. It merits your highest consideration for the lyrical content contained therein. And at the end of the day, instead of flow and swagger, shouldn’t lyrics matter most in RAP music?

BTW, Rakim Allah’s percentage on ‘Microphone Fiend’ was 7.272 and this is why we call him the G.O.A.T.

Additional background reading for those of you just tuning in to Dallas Penn…

Crap Music Is Making You Stupiderer…

G.O.A.T. Classic Rap Jam Cage Match…

All Day I Dream About Syllables…

More mathematics shenanigans @ DP…

Ghetto Celebrity Math Is For The Children…

Can You Hear Me Now?!?

Monday, May 4th, 2009

killa

Cam’Ron album release party 2nite!

Hot 97 presents Cam’ron

Exclusive Crime Pays CD Release Performance

hosted by Funkmaster Flex

May 4,2009

Doors open @ 8 PM

Concert starts @ 9PM

Highline Ballroom

Located at 431 W 16th St

Between 9th and 10th Ave

Hungkheys Been Pwn’t This Rap Shit…

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

eminem

You rapfagns need to act like you know who owns this rap shit. Black rappers have borrowed rap for the better part of three decades and now it is time to give that shit back to the people who have owned it from fucking day one.

Think of rap as a leased car that you can drive fast or slow. You can put bitches in the whip or coke by the bricks. No matter what you decide to fill the car up with you still gotta return that shit to the leaseholder and you still gonna owe some money for the wear and tear no matter how clean you kept your shit.

The only thing that Black rappers ever owned was the pots and pans that they would beat up on the sidewalk. As soon as they went to have their voices recorded they no longer had any ownership and Hip-Hop then became known as rap music. Mainly because that was the most expeditious way for the owners to monetize their shit.

When I was old and stupid and I first came to this website I thought that people of color and poor white folks that resided in the center city were the owners of rap, and the cultural movement of Hip-Hop in general. I was old and delusional then. My mind was geared to thinking in a linear direction without the perspective of three dimensions.

People of color don’t own shit in America. They don’t even own the epithets that people use to describe them. It’s time for Eminem and Asher Roth to make a collabo track called ‘Fuck These Niggers!’ Some of y’all will be mad at first, but that song will be epic as hell. When I heard the lyrics the first thing I thought was, “at least these dudes ain’t talking about me.” Ha. They was talking about them OTHER niggers. Over there.

The song talked about the fact that niggers be bragging about their Glocks and their Heckler & Kochs when none of these niggers last names is that (word to Danny Hoch). From Maybachs to Maseratis to exalting everything that exists outside of the ‘hood and merc’king everything that exists IN the ‘hood these rapping niggers that Em and Asher are shitting on are the very dudes that we have been lionizing for the last few decades.

On the track Eminem and Asher remind their fans that from day one the engineers, label owners, distributors were all “hungkheys” that let the “mungkheys” play around in the jungle just to get their kicks (literally and figuratively). It’s hard to argue with these dudes too since we all know that Rick Rubin was the mastermind behind Def Jam and Russell Simmons was simply his liasion to singing and rapping Blacks. Like a consigliere or to keep up with the car metaphor, his chauffeur.

I can hear that song in my mind now. Black folks get ethered once and for all for having the perception that they ever owned anything to do with rap music. When the strings were pulled they bounced around like marionettes to the rhythm. The Blacks slapped at each other on cue. We all laughed at the spectacle. It was far more entertaining than dogfighting. Plus dogfighting is illegal.

Whites been done pwned this rap shit. This is why you need not feel some kind of way about white rappers. The chickens are coming home to roost. And the mungkheys will have to play somewhere else.

Coke + Rap = cRap Music…

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

clipse

Pushers >>> hustlers

I swiped the above pic from the homey Combat Jack’s weblog. It was convenient and therefore I didn’t have to waste any more time going through Google images for another pic of the Clipse.

Rap music is so shitty right now that people will use anything as a promotional push. Say “nappy headed hos” on Twitter after a concert at Rutgers University? Promo. Manager receives federal indictment for narcotics trafficking?!? Promo.

But who is receiving the information about these incidences and thinking more about these artists? Not I. Is it you Pierzy? Shouts to Pierzy just because [ll]. I mean, who here thinks that the Clipse manager’s drugpushing charges will translate into rap fans going into Best Buy and copping their next CD? Especially if that shit has those tinkly Neptune tracks all over the disk.

People don’t buy Clipse albums, they download them. It’s a fucking rite of passage. You can’t call yourself a rap fan if you don’t have some illegally downloaded Clipse music on your hard drive. I don’t blame you either. If the Clipse want to espouse the outlaw lifestyle then they should expect to attract outlaw type fans. Not the type of folks that will cook cocaine, although I’m sure there are some real cocaine cookers that LOVVVVVVVVE the Clipse, but the type of folks that say, “why should I buy their album since these dudes are already rich?”

That is the single-edged sword of being the best trap rappers on records. The Clipse claim to be too deep in the drug game to even need to rap meanwhile they are going on tour while riding the Peter Pan bus. Not their own tour bus, the Port Authority Peter Pan bus. The Fung Hwah joint that has seats for twenty bucks and a bathroom that smells as if a homeless person died inside of it. I mean, think about this shit seriously, if you were caking off cocaine why the hell would you start rapping? To take a pay cut?

You think that rappers make more money than pushers? In the long run I suppose it’s all even. The lawyers end up with the grip and the IRS puts the hammer down as the final insult to injury. If you were getting money moving heavy weight you would be mad as hell at the way the rap game works. The artists pick up the tab for everything. Your royalties get taxed for the promotional expenses and everything gets itemized to your ticket. That bottle of water you drank in the label offices comes out of your budget.

I still don’t believe that the Clipse manager was the dude going in so hard with the work. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if their touring and clothing ventures were underwritten by someone with illegal paper. Let’s face it, anyone with legit money that knows what the fuck is the deal isn’t going to be investing their shit in the zero sum gain that the Clipse present. Breaking even is worse than breaking bad in today’s economy.

All of that to say that I wish no malice towards the Clipse other than, well, you know, Malice. I hope the Clipse new album is a banger from top to bottom. Plus, I just copped a new 1TB hard drive so I will plenty of room for the DL.

RAP GAYDAR…

Friday, April 24th, 2009

rupaul

I apologize for just now learning about the Asher Roth Twitter gaffe from Rutgers University. OMG! Asher Roth is white and privileged?!? Who knew? Who the fuck cares is more like the question? But I’m sure that some of you care. I’m more annoyed that some of you still care that Rick Ro$$ lied on his raplication. None of this rap shit is real. Do you get mad at George Lucas for telling you a story about spaceships? Or do you believe that too?

There is not enough bullets in the world to fill all the make believe guns that rap dudes be shooting. Especially since those bullets are being used to kill Iraqi civilians like it ain’t no thing. The news report said that only 100,000 Iraqis had been killed since the invasion in 2003. That’s a pretty low number if you ask me. The Khmer Rouge killed way more people in way less time and they didn’t even have the depleted uranium and white phosphorus weaponry that we have. Just goes to show you that Asians are way more efficient than Americans.

One of the more popular memes of late in rap music is the ghey rapper storyline. This is expressed in the homo-eroticsim of the imagery and sometimes even the lyrics of rap songs. Some might equate the tight jeans movement with a ghey influence, but I would argue that the semi-naked perform [ll] who is oiled up for pictures is more ghey than someone with snug fitting clothing. Shit, maybe its ALL ghey? And why wouldn’t it be? Think about the people who sign the checks for all of this shit to happen? These are the same dudes that would have their Maybach driver cruise around midtown-Manhattan to pick up a young hustler.

I come from the era when a hustler was a male prostitute. If you were dealing drugs you were a pusher, but if you were selling sexual favors you were a hustler. This is why it always surprised me that rappers my age would call themselves hustlers. I’m like, “For real son, is it really real son?” At night I used to drive up Third Avenue in the forties and fifties and see the young hustlers standing on the corner waiting to get their ride. Them dudes would be clean as fuck too. No facial hair, short ceasar haircuts, sometimes they would have their baby hair waxed. I always wondered what made a dude want to act in this fashion and pull more stunts than that man Action Jackson.

When Chingy’s ex-lover went public this week it was just another incident in a long line of love affairs that rappers have had with chicks with sticks. I wonder what makes transvestites so appealing? I guess its that whole best of both worlds movement that people were making records about. I do admit that RuPaul was sexy to me until I learned he was a man. I guess when you are at the highest echelons of the entertainment industry and everything is faked to death then maybe the realest shit is some dude gripping up on your manhood until you have full release. I’m not mad either that I won’t ever know what that feels like, but I can understand why some folks need that reality.

If there was a fantasy that you could recreate from the rap music imagery that is pervasive through the culture it might be an orgy in one of those painted white seaside villas with the outdoor hot tub for twenty. The bad news for you is that of those six or seven chicks that you and your boys are gonna bang, two of those chicks have dicks. The other bad news is that the remaining girls are lipstick lesbians whose sole intention is to get two fingers inside of your asscrack. The worst news was that you and your homey touched dicks while DP’ing one of those broads and now your homey from forever want to put his tongue in YOUR mouth. This is the reality of your fantasy.

So when some rapper talks about their college experiences you shouldn’t be so dismissive of their credibility.

At least they aren’t out here “hustling”.