Archive for the ‘Billy Sunday @ XXL’ Category

G.O.A.T. Classic Rap Jam Cage Match…

Thursday, January 17th, 2008

ll cool g rap

Today’s drop is co-produced by the good peoples over at UNKUT. Preserving Hip-Hop one IP address at a time.

*Also check out OhWord as they drop the science on their 2007 swagger*

The idea was previously presented by 40 Diesel that LL Cool J’s LP version of ‘Rock The Bells’ is arguably the G.O.A.T. rap jam. The overall length of the song and the verbosity combined with braggadocio lends credit to this argument. LL is an absolute beast on this track as he rhymes for over seven minutes. Another rap song of this length has not been recorded since with a single artist performing all the lyrics.

It was over twenty years ago that my mother began her career as a public school teacher. She taught special education classes throughout Brooklyn and Queens. At the Queens School For Career Development she had a student who claimed to be the real author for ‘Rock The Bells’. My mother didn’t believe him because he lied about everything else. It turns out the kid was right after all when my mom showed me the article in the newspaper where her student finally settled up with LL.

Let’s face it, LL was too pretty to be that good of a lyricist. Whoever wrote his shit must have been ugly as hell. Those are traditionally the best lyricists in the game. Think of Cyrano de Bergerac. That motherfucker was uglier than Medusa, but he could get a chick to peel off her pants like wrapping paper. Speaking of rapping… Who is the G.O.A.T.? Jay-Z is certainly ugly as fuck and arguably the greatest rapper of all time. B.I.G. was notoriously ugly and he was also effing great. It takes a little more than being ugly.

Kool G Rap is definitely as ugly as the ugliest rappers of all time, but Kool G Rap spit his lyrics at over 100mph with no brakes and a LISP! That has to rank G Rap at or near the absolute top of the rap immortals pantheon. It’s the equivalent of being a professional athlete while missing an appendage. Just as an aside, bigg up to JIM ABBOTT.

abbott

*Now this nigga could’a used some steroids, or some HGH, or some fucking stem cells to grow his hand back. But I digress…

When considering Kool G Rap for possible G.O.A.T. status we have to consult with one of the premier Hip-Hop fans of all time. There are no details contained in the cosmology of Hip-Hop that occurred between 1985 and 1995 that escape the knowledge of professor Dr.UnKut ROBBIE ETTLESON. Especially when concerning the legendary career of Kool G Rap you must consult the vast archives of UnKut. The song that we are delivered as the manifesto of G Rap’s dominance is the track ‘Men At Work‘.

The song clocks in a little over five minutes with 932 total words and 54 polysyllabic terms. Listening to Kool G Rap is an exercise in touching the rewind button. Without question this is the greatest machine gun spit in the history of Hip-Hop. ‘Men At Work’ certainly sits next to ‘Microphone Fiend’ and ‘Rock The Bells’ as nominees for the G.O.A.T. title. For even more clarity on Kool G Rap’s incredible lyrical prowess listen to some acappella verses of ‘Men At Work’. One word – FIYAH!!!!

KEEP IT MOVIN’…

Thursday, January 10th, 2008

k.i.m.

You can’t handle the truth on the regulack at XXL Mag Dot Com.

I was instructed by my boss’ boss to not go in on the Elliott Wilson situation, but since I exist at this site tenuously anyhoo I thought I would say something for the record. And Since rap records’ sales figures are in the shitter prah’lee no one will buy this drop by the time I’m done.

Keep it moving XXL mag dot commenters.

It’s just that simple. What the fuck do you care why Elliot Wilson isn’t here any longer? There’s no conspiracy. Sonn-dula just ain’t here. So what now? Are you gonna stop listening to rap music? Are you going to stop reading publications that talk about rappers? What in your life gets improved when you know where and why Elliott is?

That’s ho shit you are worried about. Don’t worry about Elliott. That nigga is doing better than all of us. Combined. I’ve got a column at XXL mag dot com and my ass is still eating tuna out of the can. Not even albacore sonn. Dark meat tuna. My cable got shut off over the weekend. I watched football at the Circuit City on Atlantic and Flatbush Avenues. I’m typing this shit from the public library at Grand Army Plaza. Meanwhile E Dubbz lives in a billion dollar penthouse condominium with Jay-Z and Common as neighbors.

Elliott Wilson is gon’ be aiight. First off, he’s lightskin and figures show that good hair negroes live life on the sweet side of the street. So you know he left Harris Publications with his dignity. Good hair jigs like Elliott and Keith Clinkscales always stay crispy. Not so much speaking of Vibe magazine, but have you seen E Dubb’s wife? How the hell did he bag that? He ain’t even a pretty lightskin nigga either. Sonn has hell’s game I guess so wherever he goes his shit is gon’ be aiight. XXL mag and this online bastard child will be fine too. So while all you ho ass niggas speculate on the whys and the wherefores you need to keep your shit moving as well.

If you work at Mickey Dee’s this is the year you get promoted to fries up from bathroom cleaning duties. If you already work on fries you have reached the ceiling for growth and you should move on up to Boston Market or some shit. Shouts to all of y’all in school now getting a degree in some shit that will keep you in debt until you are 34yrs old. What up to all the XXL dot commenters at their jobs now reading this shit. I’m just like y’all and when I get back home I am gonna take me some drugs and sip me some wine.

Elliott Wilson is gon’ be aiight. The rest of us? Not so much.

Days Of Future Past…

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

xmen 141

BILLY X(-Man) SUNDAY is still working for the Hellfire Club

In one of my favorite X-Men comics we get a glimpse of a dystopian future scene. Mutants and superheroes alike have been shepherded into concentration camps. Society had feared their powers for so long that they were willing to allow the government to regulate them by any means necessary.

Rewind to the present day 2008 and listen to the Congressional arguments that are being levied against Hip-Hop from claims of its supposed pro-violence lyrics, to the closed caption vignettes of misogyny and anti-social behavior. Rap music itself has been pretty difficult to defend due to a lack of imagination and creativity from its artists. Speaking of the difficulty to defend and rap artists, there are several high profile rappers under indictment as we speak.

I looked around and tried to imagine what could save rap music in its 11th hour. Dance crazes are no longer valid or noteworthy. Rock and roll began to die the day the twist was started. By the same token, a rap song that is easy to memorize reduces the art to simple, childlike mnemonic babble. Hip-Hop needs a hero right now and I’m not talking about the classic club from Quizznos (get the wheat bread. Mmmmm, toasty).

The future of Hip-Hop is Super Hero Rap. This sub-genre has been quietly bubbling under the surface of mainstream rap but too many people have been afraid to embrace the movement for fear of releasing their latent nerditry. Now that Nerd Rap has proven itself a feasible sub-genre for Hip-Hop it is high time for the greatest nerd rap acts to claim their mainstream mantle. Those that aren’t already at the top.

Ghostface as Tony Starks, Iron Man – GFK has to be the first or second rapper that comes to your mind when you think of Super Hero Rap. Of all the mainstream rap acts there hasn’t been a more consistently creative artist than GFK. The culmination of Super Hero Rap’s dreams may be realized when GFK crosses the silver screen during the Iron Man movie.

MF Doom as MadVillain – KMD is undoubtedly one of Super Hero rap’s greatest champions. In the event that Super Hero rap is as short lived as crunk KMD is already forging ahead with Godzilla monster rap. Don’t sleep party people, that shit is huge in Japan.

Redman and Method Man – How about super hero rappers that actually get stronger after smoking some kryptonite, or anything else light green? The Sooperman Luva was trying to show us the way almost sixteen years ago. The future is now.

powerman

Sean Price and Rock as Power Man and the Falcon – Sean P was really my inspiration for writing this drop. He is an easy transfer over to the Powerman/Luke Cage character. As a former felon who returns to the streets to seek justice and crack skulls Price certainly has the background history and the bodytype. Plus he has a grip of hats with the letter ‘P’ on the crown. Rock as the Falcon is a no brainer.

Eminem as Spider-Man – I said that shit over there at XXL a minute ago.

Jean Grae – It’s been too long since I’ve written a sentence with the name Jean Grae in it. She’s still alive right?

Lupe Fiasco as Ant-Man – Who else has the ability to make their profile smaller after they open their mouth?

Fifty Cent as War Machine – Fifty needs something to revitalize his career here in America and Super Hero rap is just the ticket.

Missy Elliot as the Blob

I’m not sure who I would place in the role of the Black Panther. Talib Kweli seemed like a possible choice as did Mos Def, but I’m not stuck on either. I also want someone to fill the role of the Vision. Is there a secret Wu Tang clan member? Can we call him the Vza?

Super Hero rap is about to be huge in the ’08.

Afterwards, I can’t call it.

xmen

A Referendum On Lightskinded Negroes…

Tuesday, January 8th, 2008

ccuin

What the fuck is going on internets?!? Just last week I proclaimed that 2008 would be the year that lightskinded negroes returned to the top of the non-white food chain. On the strength of entertainers like the ubiquitous BeYonce and the earthen toned entertainer Common we were on a roll.

In just one weekend in January shit has gotten all scary again for us good hair brothers. First, Elliott Wilson, the editor in chief at XXL is killed. Figuratively, I’ll assume, although Harris Publications does put out more gun magazines than your average.

Secondly, the good-haired jig boy pictured above went all Hannibal Lechter and put his girlfriend in his mother’s cook up pot. Christopher Lee McCuin, you are fucking up the racial spectrum. Black people do not cook and eat people. Leave that shit to white along with curling.

Just when I was going to get into my Al B Sure ‘In Effect Mode’ some lightskinded negroes are effing up my swagger. I’m on my way to the supermarket now to pick up some curl activator to place on my altar. Tony Dungy, you need to get a win the weekend and put us back on top of this Black bullshit.

‘Black Coach’ theme song – Jay Smooth @ illdoctrine dot com

TIMBERLAND = Hip-Hop’s G.O.A.T. Sneaker…

Monday, December 31st, 2007

trapped in the closet

Bury me in these…

A while back on XXL, BILLY X. SUNDAY talked about rap music’s best sneaker styles and without question the classic wheat colored Timberland was second only to the Air Jordan. It was after further review I realized that because Jordan brand Nikes have sooooo many different issuances and colorways that the G.O.A.T. Hip-Hop sneaker has to the Timberland boot.

I don’t consider sneakers to be qualified simply as rubber soled athletic shoes. Sneakers are the shoes that Black folks wear to place themselves in a tribe. How many of us wear athletic shoes to do things that are athletic? Or even aerobic for that matter? So how many people wear the classic wheat work boot to actually put in work? Unless of course your job is to wear jeans and stand on a corner.

The classic heat Timberland is ubiquitous in urban neighborhoods during the winter and is considered by some to be a four season shoe when worn with shorts and a long white t-shirt during the summer. I have a pair in my archive that contain specific instructions to only be placed on feet prior to my burial in the Earth. It’s not like you can get more than four(4) crispy appearances with these shoes on before you get a random scuff or oil mark.

trapped in the closet

My favorite all purpose utility Timberland is the 3/4 field boot. I copped these ‘Chocolate Bars’ at the A.J. Wright in Hempstead for forty cent($40). These shoes are super comfortable and their medium height keeps your feet dry without the excessive leg commitment required from a higher shoe. They are also lighter than the the average work boot because of the airfoam core inside of the soles. The field boot is definitely one of Timberland’s signature styles, but they have hurt their legendary status in recent years by bastardizing the boots for urban consumption.

The appeal of Timberland since my youth has been the fact that these shoes were ridiculously rugged. I still own a pair of the original elephant skin 40 Belows. They were called the Iditarod superboot. Since then I have bought Timberland boots that were made to last. Shouts go out to JEFF and SID SCHWARZ for mailing me a pair of Italian crafted Tims for free. The best element of Timberland had been the design ethos that all you will ever need is one pair. You should recognize them for being environmentally conscious before it was a fad.

trapped in the closet

trapped in the closet

Timberland caught hell a few years ago when one of the founders made the statement that their boots weren’t made for people to wear standing on a corner. The carpetbagger Black leadership rallied around these remarks and called them code for saying that Timberland doesn’t care about Black people (no G DUBBZ). This was a low blow to the company that has already given millions of dollars to charity organizations that fund anti-poverty and anti-illiteracy movements. The truth is that Black people never bought Timberlands in the first place to stand on the corner.

Black folks are savvy consumers, but the so-called Black leadership likes to portray us as perpetual victims. Black people, along with white(gasp), originally bought Timberland boots because these shits are the most well made shoes ever and they were originally made right here in the United States. It pisses me off sometimes when everything related to Black people is either as victims or ne’er do wells, and then some loud mouth jig more than likely wearing a perm starts talking in rhyme about white racism.

I’m the last person here to make an apology for any corporation or person that is part of the plan for supremacy. Timberland just makes great shoes and they stand behind their work, and they gave a fuck about the environment before it was a fashion statement like a yellow fucking ribbon on your lapel. You don’t have to be like me and own twenty pairs of Timberland boots, because all you need to have is one pair, but if you don’t have any… You just might not be Hip-Hop.

trapped in the closet