Archive for the ‘Fashion Faux Pas’ Category

cRap Music Fantasy League Q3 Update #5

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007

foxy brown

Would somebody please do an intervention for this chick!?! Foxy Brown is going to be the Notorious MVP for the inaugural year of the cRap Music Fantasy League. Homegirl gets her points every quarter without even releasing any music. Jay-Z does too, but damn, at least he still figuratively works in the music industry. Foxy hasn’t done shit in the last five years, but she is spending money like she owns the publishing for ‘Ain’t No Nigga’. Maybe Jigga has her in the will too, right after Bleek? Prah’lee not tho’. At the rate Foxy is going she will be recording her Brooklyn anthem duets from the jailhouse studios with Shyne.

And she claims she’s pregnant!

R. KELLZ was the beast on the scoring charts this week. His ‘Trapped In The Closet’ Hip-Hopera is just part of the talented genius mystique of this narcissistic weirdo. There’s a reason that R. KELLY is a blue-chipper in the cMFL and niggas like T-Pain barely get off the bench. KELLY even freaks a song on his album using the voice modulator that Akon, T-Pain and just about every other bootlegg R & B singer uses nowadays. That boys got talent. But of course… Nullus always and forever to anything R. KELLY.

The cRap Music Fantasy League leaderboard has gotten shuffled a little bit too. Pretty Dollar Entertainment was bum rushed for their top spot on the list. A few other labels came up in the game thanks to Foxy’s follies and KELLZ craziness. Let’s see who’s on top of the game now…

Gain Green Records 2975
Grand Theft Audio Records 2925
DubbleUP Entertainment 2625
Pretty Dollar Entertainment 2500
Krack Ko Kaine Entertainment 2475
America Done Fell Off Records 2475
Rainmen Records 2325
Rook Records 2200
Brick Productions 2150
Blue & Creme Entertainment 2025
20/20 Proof Records 2025
Bamboozled Records 1975
Smart-Dumb Rappers Records 1975
Ambulance Entertainment 1925
Sheem-Deem Entertainment 1900
Harleyworld Music 1650
Incilin Productions 1550
GnomesayinTambout 1550
Deaf Jam Records 1525
Cool Cash Collective 1475
BlackStar Records 1475
Game One Records 1450
Diamond Ballers Records 1450
Flatline Records 1400
Combat Jack Entertainment 1400

Gain Green Records jumps into the leader slot with Grand Theft Audio Records directly behind them. Dubble Up and Pretty Dollar Ent. are right there at the top as well. There is still almost another half of cRap Music Fantasy league still to be played with September shaping up to be a battle royal for the MVP of Q3.

In the meantime and in between time take a peek at some of the graphic information that El Gringo Colombiano has put together for us to analyze some of the trends in cRap Music. The graph below represents how the points have been distributed through the league according to an artists home region. The NorthEast is illustrated in green because we GET MONEY, and money we got. The South is orange for the Fireman Lil’ Wang, who still has yet to get warmed up this quarter. The MidWest is purple for KanYe and KELLZ.

cmfl graph

The West is tied at 100 points with the International Division. Damn Westsiiiiiide! Y’all niggas is tied up with that chick from Sri Lanka M.I.A.?!? Get your weight up West coast. Can’t y’all get Snoop arrested or something?

DP Dot Com Super Heroine Series: THE WASP

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

winsome wasp

Just to prove that comic characters can have names that reflect the stratification of class and wealth we have a super heroine named the Wasp. Homegirl was a foxy young socialite and the heiress to some Bill Gates type mega fortune. Her dad was a scientist who was murdered, and with the help of his lab assistant, Dr. Henry Pym, this blueblood chick got to prove to everyone that she was actually hardbody.

Wasp was always in some kind of breezy nightgown outfit with her nipples all perky from the cold night air. Oh I wanted to beat her slot until the coins came out. She changed her outfits like twice in every issue of the Avengers. Each time her cleavage tried to sneak out onto the page. This is how I know most of the Avengers were fags because I would have been up in that mansion they owned try’na throw my hammer into that little pum pum. I’d be too busy damn near catching a rape charge with the Wasp, Scarlet Witch, Ms. Marvel and Jocasta running around that piece half naked to give a fuck about Ultron.

Who the fuck is a Ultron?!?

Nahh mayne, fuck all the bullshit, Wasp had that good-good punanny that comes with a trust fund when you tear it up from the back.

winsome wasp

I GOTTA MAKE THE SONG CRY…

Monday, August 20th, 2007

BABY CRY
My little sister is named ADAKU. We all grew up on the same block together. Peep the profile of her personal courage she submitted for the Roc-A-Wear ‘I Will Not Lose’ advertising campaign. Shouts go out to all the beautiful single mothers that find the time to raise the babies and visit DP Dot Com for their daily bread.

That lucky bastard Jay-Z wins again this time.

Roc-A-Fella y’all.

ADAKU + RYAN HARRIS-OPKI

DP Dot Com Super Heroine Series: BLACK WIDOW

Thursday, August 16th, 2007

black widow

The Black Widow was a Russian super spy named Natasha Romanoff (yeah, I know) and I first got to see her in action when she teamed up with Spider-Man. I loved her skintight navy catsuit and her dark auburn red hair. Black Widow had been injected with the formula similar to the one that allowed Captain America to never age. She might be like eighty years old now. That’s hot to me. Redheads are natural freaks, but a Russian redhead is a gangbang shorty.

Black Widow has had her back blown out by so many different Marvel character’s it’s a good thing she had that super serum in her blood otherwise she would have the AIDS by now. Spider-Man, DareDevil, Hawkeye, Tony Starks, Hercules, Red Guardian and Nick Fury all tasted the Black Widow’s er… stinger. Hell, even mute ass Black Bolt got a piece of that ass.

Now I’m not saying I wouldn’t still hit it, because I would. I just wouldn’t leave my wallet laying around when I fell off to sleep. Why you think they call that shit the Gulag? Because it’s gully as fuck.

black widow

UPDATE:

black widow

Rampage scraped it…

black widow

So did Johnny Blaze.

es dubbz – “Cotdamned commie whoare!”

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Thursday, August 16th, 2007

tone loc

A little bit of Hip-Hop and the ancillary sneaker culture was killed in a bad way when the Puma brand of athletic footwear compromised their legacy by cross-branding a line of apparel with Viacom and their defunct show ‘Yo! MTV Raps’. The clothing line attempts to pay homage to iconic Hip-Hop legends DOUG E. FRESH, BIG DADDY KANE and MC SHAN, but the overall designs and even worse, the attachment to a television program that has had NOTHING to do with the overall recognition of these legends should cost Puma their O.G. points.

Since I only see the Puma brand now worn by metrosexuals and Euro fags I wouldn’t have considered these items for my collection anyhoo, but I am still not amused with the attachment of a network that was the ultimate Johnny-Come-Lately to the artistic movement that is Hip-Hop. When these Hip-Hop icons were at their influential apexs Music Tele Vision refused to play the music videos of any Black performers other than Michael Jackson, Prince or Sade. To the uninformed consumer one might think that ‘Yo! MTV Raps’ actually supported these true school artists when in fact MTV was the most zealous purveyor of supremacist funded gangsta rap. Newjacks, please don’t get it twisted, MTV doesn’t care about rap people.

Bigger than any other reason to throw this schmatte in the trash is the fact that this shit just plain looks wack. Okay, they almost won with the DOUG E. FRESH design. The tagline ‘All The Way To Heaven’ is classic Hip-Hop. The ‘Yo! MTV Raps’ logo… Not so much.

doug e fresh

doug e fresh

big daddy kane

big daddy kane

The BIG DADDY KANE tracksuit and trainers also had a chance to win in my book if Puma had not come with that crappy cross-branding or that ridiculous gold rope chain motif. Memo to dumbasses at Puma: truck jewelry = Slick Rick. Hi-top fade = BIG DADDY KANE. Just like a bunch of dickriders that are here to feast on the rotting consumer corpse of Hip-Hop, these shitbag designers didn’t even do their homework.

Let’s not even get into the hot mess of an outfit they designed for MC SHAN. Even twenty years later ol’ boy keeps losing. First of all, SHAN prah’lee still has his Puma suits from 1987. Second of all, when SHAN was wearing Puma suits in 1987 they were already washed up. Puma’s legacy was from 1984 down on the backs and feet of B-Boys and breakdancers. Only a Puerto Rican breakdancer would wear the sneakers they crafted for SHAN. Do you see how the colors are inverted? What peanut butter and jelly shit is this?!? Leave it up to the people that will always be the dopplegangers of the Hip-Hop movement to screw up a project that could have been so official. I have three words for the idiots at Puma and MTV who are prah’lee patting themselves on the back for this half-assed project…


YOU AIN’T FRESH!

big daddy kane

big daddy kane