Archive for the ‘Hollyweird’ Category

SANDRA BERNHARD… I’d Hit That

Friday, November 23rd, 2007

sb

Let me preface this drop with the universal [ll] symbol since SANDRA BERNHARD has more faggotry followers than CHER. Only ghey men sweat out CHER, but the fudgeworth community as a whole diggs on SANDRA. Most of you remember her from her affair with Madonna.

The Material Girl got at SANDRA in order to get her ghey connections. This was the whole vogue movement that Madonna was using at the time. When Madonna was through with being a fag hag she left SANDRA on the side of the curb with her used eyeliner pencils.

I came on to SANDRA BERNHARD when Ma Dukes gave me the Playboy magazine she was featured in for my birthday.

playboy

It must be that redheaded thing that I love so much, but I just find SANDRA to be a sexy bitch. Mostly it’s that redheaded shit though. A few years ago SANDRA let some dude pop the slot. At least I hope she did. All this artificial insemination shit has to stop. GOD doesn’t love coochies that bring life like science projects.

When SANDRA gets all dolled up she is a middle aged white banger, considering that most white meat(no Thanksgiving) goes bad kind’a early. As a matter of fact, now that SANDRA has a seed I can technically bang her as part of my M.I.L.F. reclamation project. One thing for sure is that SANDRA’s seat won’t have all the excessive manhood meat mileage of Madge’s badger beaver.

Yeah, I just said that.

sb

SONNY CHIBA IS THAT KARATE NIGGA!

Friday, November 23rd, 2007

street fighter

Watching the O.G. ‘Street Fighter’ flick starring SONNY CHIBA, blazed the eff out of my head since it wouldn’t be right to watch a CHIBA flick without being high off the cheeba. This shit is so fucking hardbody you wouldn’t believe your eyes. SONNY CHIBA is this wild eyed karate dude for hire that beats the shit out of everybody. Even the people he is paid to rescue.

The movie opens up with dude posing as a monk that is supposed to give a man his last rites. Instead he beats dude’s ass, and then tells him that he is going to put dude in a coma so that he can rescue him later. WTF? ‘Street Fighter’ is the ‘Super Fly’ of Yakuza flicks. The Yakuza is the Japanese mafia and they are way cooler than the Cosa Nostra ever was. The Yakuza all wear shades and dress in some of the meanest vines. Shoeboots are the minimum.

‘Street Fighter’ is a classic 1970’s exploitation flick from the treatment of the special effects to the all around poor acting. You shouldn’t be watching ‘Street Fighter’ for its acting or its storyline. You should be watching ‘Street Fighter’ to see SONNY CHIBA kill motherfuckers fifty different ways from Sunday. Watch it to see SONNY CHIBA make motherfuckers bleed from the head. Watch it to see SONNY CHIBA jam his fingers into people’s brains via their eye sockets. SONNY CHIBA even castrates a man with his bare hands [ll].

Tell me if you haven’t seen this shit before so I can mail you my DVD copy.

Yes, for free.

STEPHEN KING SHOULD HAVE MISSED THIS ONE…

Saturday, November 17th, 2007

the mist

I peeped the new STEPHEN KING movie called ‘The Mist’. It was aiiight, but far from one of his classic movie adaptions. There is still a nice comedic intensity built into the horror aspect, but there was something missing from ‘The Mist’ that holds it back from being a new classic.

‘The Mist’ is the story of a little sleepy northeastern town that is besieged by a grand military eff up. The army lets some bad shit loose that effs the town in the a, and quite literally. The movie centers around townspeople that are holed up in the ssupermarket and the dynamic that surrounds them as they try to escape from this unknown terror. THOMAS JANE is the central ‘hero’ character although after you see the ending you will rethink his heroism. ANDRE BRAUGHER plays his opposite for much of the film and he turns in a performance more fitting for Broadway than for the silver screen.

The overall acting in the film was sort of ham-fisted with people yelling at the camera as if they were acting in the school play. The best performance was turned in by the child actor whose name I never bothered to find out even though I’m sitting here at a computer and IMDB is all but a click or two away. Maybe that’s how uninspired I am? Anyhoo, I won[‘t say the film is unwatchable, I just won’t spend the $11.25 on the ticket. So if you’re into ‘plexing like Big Walt, and frankly, at the prices of movies nowadays who isn’t? ‘The Mist’ is on the list for third or fourth string behind nekkid ANGELINA JOLIE’s ‘Beowulf'(excellent story despite the Shrek-like CGI animation), ‘Bee Movie'(racist SEINFELD, funny film) and ‘SAW'(24, or whatever number they are up to).

** True story is that my dudes from PardonMeDuke dot com and my homey Twerkolator came through the screening with me and none of them even turned around when the director announced that STEPHEN KING was in the theatre seated behind us. STEPHEN KING may have written a few books and made a few movies, but he is no iNTERNETS CELEBRITY.

A SAPPHIC SLAVEDRIVER…

Sunday, November 11th, 2007

ellen

One of the biggest perceptions that most people have for some reason is that a lesbian is a kind, gentle, understanding, compassionate person. You would be wrong though. A lesbian is more often than not the most evil, calculating, ruthless persona in our society. At least in the case of ELLEN DeGENERES, we can find more of a Machiavellian attitude than a matronly spirit.

People assume lesbians to have the highest regards for human rights, civil rights, workers rights, et al. Well not so much. Most lesbians have a greater concern for animals rights than they do for the needs of fellow humans. ELLEN DeGENERES is so callous she doesn’t even give a shit about a dog, and you all know how much white goes in for dogs? If ELLEN were the president of the United States she would order a nuclear strike on Hawaii just because the weather was too nice.

ELLEN’s latest attempt at ruining the livelihoods of other people has been her unwillingness to honor the labor strike initiated by television and film writers. ELLEN has crossed the picket lines repeatedly in order to continue the taping schedule of her talk show. Her promise to her writing staff was that she would wear the same pair of tennis shoes for every day until the strike has been settled, or until she feels like changing her sneakers.

Whether it is the workers of New York City’s public transportation system, or the television and screen writers guild, we here at DP Dot Com unwaveringly support labor unions and the work they do to maintain the quality of life for the American worker. I respectfully ask you good folks to turn off your televisions while this writers strike is still in effect.

Besides, the internets has way better content.

26.2 Miles No Sweat For The Lil’ Holmey…

Sunday, November 11th, 2007

holmey

How many of you have ever run a marathon?

Do you think it’s possible to run a marathon and…

holmey

  • 1) never break a sweat after five and a half hours of running?
  • 2) not wear a bra or chest support to prevent nipple chafing?
  • holmey

  • 3) be totally over-dressed in your yoga clothes?
  • 4) marry an obviously ghey man?
  • We would all agree that the marriage of TOM CRUISE and KATIE HOLMES is more fraudulent than a $2 dollar magic show and the SURI childbirth situation is more proof of their fakery fuckery, but why the hell do they need tons of media outlets to lie to the people about HOLMES participation in the NYC marathon?

    holmey

    Are these two fools that desperate for people to see them? Couldn’t these numbskulls have simply just posted up along the marathon route somewhere and passed out water to the actual runners?

    So I dug a little deeper into this story only to discover this publicity stunt is part of the new Hollywood x New York City marriage. It turns out that KATIE HOLMES is lobbying to be cast as Wonder Woman for a new feature film being shot in NYC. Awww hell nahh!!! I’ve watched LINDA CARTER. I’ve caught youngling wood looking at LINDA CARTER. I’ve rubbed off that same youngling wood thinking about LINDA CARTER.

    You KATIE HOLMES, are no LINDA CARTER.

    wonder woman