Archive for the ‘Talking Shit’ Category

And He Like Her Toooooooooo…

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

kellz

This drop is for grown ups so I advise the children, and those of you with childlike sensibilities to click, click away.

I just read a story on the internets that says Robert Sylvester Kelly is under investigation for statutory rape. Apparently he has been diddling a freshly minted 17 year old in his suburban Chicago compound. The rub is that in Illinois 17yrs old is no longer a minor, but apparently the ‘aR.ra’ has been digging this P.Y.T. out since before her latest bornday.

God bless him and shouts to superfreak Rick James.

What do you think this hot-2-trot teenage chick would be doing if she wasn’t being schooled by the master? She might be having otherwise unprotected sex with some loser her own age. Trust me that this girl would be getting fuxed by someone. It is nearly impossible to suspend the biological needs of a woman to put something in her box. She’s gotta have it (yes Spike Lee).

Everybody was making a fuss about the fact that Drakes Cakes and Lil’ Wang are most prA’li hebephiles as well after viewing their performance[ll] on the 2009 B.E.T. awards. Despite the fact that Drakes Cakes is almost 35 yrs old and Wang turns 30 this year I think these fellas are the perfect candidates to teach 16 yrs olds that love don’t live here anymore. The only thing that lives is the universe.

I have told you grownups before that the universe was unleashed from a black hole. None of us know where we go when we leave this planet, but we ALL know from where we came. I came from a black hole.

The black hole is all powerful, all encompassing and all good. Why don’t we want someone like the Pied Piper [ll] to teach these young ladies how to work their black holes (all of them)? I personally am not offended by this man. He is doing what many fathers neglected to do and this is to teach their daughters their own majesty.

The black hole is crucial to the survival of humankind. Until the males start giving birth from their peeholes we will be dependent on the females of our species and their black holes to insure that we will continue to live on. Don’t persecute Robert Sylvester unless you are man enough to be a hands-on father and show your daughter the power of her black hole.

black hole

Do You Dew…

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

mtn dew blue

I thought my homey HowFresh had a connect to the PepsiCo. people in Westchester way back when I started making my Mountain Dew web videos. I haven’t heard from HowFresh since so I hope he was able to pitch an idea or two to them in order to get his sneaker paper up.

The truth is that I would fux with Mountain Dew without some marketing money because I like that shit. I was in Atlanta telling my mom about Mtn Dew when 20/20 or some other fuckwad news program was featuring all those kids with alleged ‘Mountain Dew mouth’. I didn’t even bat an eyelash. I kept drinking my Mountain Dew blue. The trade name for the product is ‘Voltage’ but I call it blue.

Just recently I saw that Mountain Dew has released several flavors of ‘Game Fuel’. One of the flavors had a blue coloring and I bought it to see what the taste was like. It sucked. The real Mountain Dew blue is like a Smurfberry punch, while this Mtn Dew ‘Game Fuel’ is like a blue Hawaiian for its tropical flavor infusion. When some manufacturer starts fuxing with my lifestyle is when I have to get my guns, er, pens out.

Memo to PepsiCo:
Thank you for your efforts to bring back good taste by using sugar again in your carbonated beverages.

Kudos to you for creating the delicious flavor of Mountain Dew ‘Voltage’. The hints of raspberry and ginseng really bring out the blue.

Thank you for making Mountain Dewthpaste which helps me maintain good oral hygiene while I enjoy the different Mtn Dew products.

What is this blue ‘Game Fuel’ shit?!? Keep the ‘Game Fuel’ color orange just like the World of Warcraft logo.

DON’T FUX UP MY MOUNTAIN DEW BLUE!

Thank you in advance,

The DP.com Mgmt.

mtn dew blue

Brand Nubian Queens…

Sunday, June 21st, 2009

eritrea

I’m having fun with maps today. As I perused a map of the so-called Middle East I noticed that my favorite country for exotic women things, Eritrea, was actually chopped away to make for a country called Djibouti.

eritrea

Shit like this happens when you need to have a staging area to regulate the traffic from the Red Sea and the Gulf of Aden.

But then I wondered to myself what the women from this privileged province might look like. The Eritreans always looked like well fed Ethiopians. So maybe the Djiboutis would look like Somalis, but not as crazy-eyed or down for piracy.

djibouti

The Djiboutis looked better than I expected. I should have known better though. They do have the word ‘booty’ in their namesake. From Berbera to Brooklyn, it’s all about Djibouti chicks for the win this summer.

djibouti
Hottentot Venus FTW!
djibouti

Iran Is Keeping It Rial…

Sunday, June 21st, 2009

middle east

Look at that real estate in between Iraq and Afghanistan and tell yourself you don’t want to own that land to open up McDonald’s and Wal-Marts?

But mostly to control the energy that those people use on the daily. If they have to check with you before they can turn on their lightswitch then you are totally the boss.

Letting people control their resources and their energy is allowing them to control their destiny.

Can’t have that can we?

MOUNTAIN DEWthpaste…

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

meth mouth

The makers of Mountain Dew listened to the public outcry that MTN DEW was ruining people’s teeth and they developed a product that helps you maintain proper oral hygiene while still enjoying the taste of your favorite MTN DEW products.