Archive for the ‘Social Upheaval’ Category

Caribou Barbie Won’t Go Away…

Monday, November 24th, 2008

palin


Which one of these dolls has nothing inside of their head?

I am praying to everything just and fair in the universe that I will not be forced to hear or read the thoughts of SARAH PALIN after the purported due date of BRISTOL PALIN in December. But the way in which the mainstream media is gobbling up her life story right now I think my wish won’t be answered.

SARAH PALIN has been transformed into a megawatt celebrity while she subtlely erodes the advancement of women. SARAH wins on her charm, her smile, her winks at the camera. Political savvy? Not so much. Policy substance? Not at all. Her idea of family values has been to throw her daughter under the bus and to sequester her daughter’s boyfriend while she shoots at the biggest moose of all.

We just elected one of the highest achieving people ever in politics. Can’t the Republicans find someone that graduated from an Ivy league school like Yale or something?

Oh… Yeah.

dubbz

Paper Chasing…

Friday, November 21st, 2008

krona

Were you one of the folks that invested in foreign currency? When the British Sterling starts taking a nosedive then you know something wicked this way comes. Me personally, I was fucking with Iceland behind that whole shit about Greenland being covered with ice while Iceland was lush and green.

If G DUBBZ had declared martial law or whatever I was taking my sneakers and my action figures to Reykjavík the capital city. I was hoping all those years of reading The Mighty Thor comics would help me pronounce some of the people’s names. Iceland was rated the world’s most developed nation and like in the top five as far as production per capita. That is pretty fucking awesome that I can marry my Angela Bassett blow up doll and it isn’t a problem.

This is the kind of freedom that comes to places that have no religious fundamentalism. Iceland was originally settled by Irish monks, but later some norsemen came to the island and killed off the monks. Good shit Thor.

Everything was cooked with curry until the news dropped earlier this month that Iceland’s economy was even more fucked the fuck up than ours. How the hell did this shit happen? I think this society was a little too liberal. Investing in automobiles powered by assfarts seems magnanimously fuel efficient but ridiculously unbuildable. Investments like the one I just mentioned would be Iceland’s undoing. Now this model country is on the brink of bankruptcy.

The sexy plot twist in all of this is how many British and Dutch officials have their life savings stashed away in Icelandic banks. A major meltdown where these customers could no longer access their money would be the moment that the biodegradable organic waste products hit the proverbial air oscillating device. There would surely have been hell to pay. I’m glad now that I didn’t pack my bags for sunny Vestmannaeyjar. It looks like the Icelanders may not have a pot to piss in.

The question I have now is how the fuck can they afford all of these vowels?

DP Dot Com Man-Crush 3.0: GEORGIE POORGIE

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

carlin

GEORGE CARLIN was always my hero. He inspired me to make being a class clown my lifelong profession. But more than being a fool CARLIN was every bit the foole. The court jester who spoke truth to power and told the court that the king had no underpants on.

CARLIN knew that he could get away with some shit that PRYOR couldn’t. CARLIN didn’t give a fuck either. Maybe he gave too much of a fuck.

You need to listen to these rants with your headphones on.

Sonn goes in!


Airport Security


Stupid Things We Say


Euphemisms


Capital Punishment

Plots Thicken Whilst Belts Tighten…

Monday, November 17th, 2008

2 bags

Just when you think the U.S. economy is already fucked the fuck up enough more bad news comes own the pipe.

Economy Sailing Into Rougher Waters

I love that economists are just now figuring this shit out. Do these dumbasses ever come from out of their parent’s basements? The U.S. economy has been in a precipitous decline for over a decade and the economists haven’t said shit. When the Dot Com boom was busting these humps kept tight lipped until it was too late. When ENRON was playing three card monty with their accounting ledgers the economists just acted like co-defendant shills. If General Motors or Ford or Chrysler flops we will be looking at double digit unemployment.

And when I say we I mean the imperial ‘we’ which is to say white. Black folks have already been knee deep in double digit unemployment ever since emancipation. How will our nation respond to the fact that no one is allowed to retire any longer? I like overhearing the conversations that happen on the commuter rail but I also know well enough not to interject my opinions into these people’s train of thoughts. Most white go their entire lives without ever examining the lies they believe as truth. The conversation went like this…

White #1: I like Obama and I voted for him.

White #2: You didn’t even vote.

White #1: I would have, but in New York it doesn’t even matter.

White #2: I voted for McCain. Obama will raise taxes.

White #1: You don’t make that much money.

White #2: And if I did he would raise my taxes.

Guess what Shit-4-Brains?!? Your taxes were raised the day we started dropping bombs on Afghanistan. The moment we sent troops into Iraq your taxes were also raised by proxy. So to make the complaint that Democratic presidents are the ones that raise taxes is of course a typically underdeveloped idea. The Republican led administration that has set up the $10B per month Iraqi rebuilding program raised your taxes six years ago. Now that there is a new administration in office the bill is coming to the table. Too bad that your dumb ass forgot that your ordered this shit eight years ago.

Now you are getting your just desserts.

EFF YO’ SAGGER SWAGGER NIGGER!

Sunday, November 16th, 2008

saggers

A 30 second PSA from BluCheez Industries and DP2FTV…

The Response…