This past week in NYC was a global politics junkies stinky sulfur drenched wet dream. The Devil, the Mexican and the Arab all made headlines during their visits to the United Nations.
Despite showing some good ‘ol American marketing saavy Iran’s president can’t seem to get a break from the T.I. run media outlets. I mean it’s not that he hates the Jews, he just hates the hearts that beat inside of the Jews chest cavities. As bad as an AHMADENIJAD might seem he is still a far cry away from being ADOLF HITLER. My problem with all these despots being equated with HITLER is that I think that devalues the truly baddazz-ness that ADOLF HITLER had. Until you have at least a million dead people on your resume you shouldn’t even be considered for a B.M.F.O.A.T. award.
Here’s the top five on my list of Baddest Motherfuckers Of All Time.
| IOSIF VISSARIONOVICH DZHUGASHVILI I know what your’e thinking. Who the fuck is this guy? This is a mugshot of your boy JOE STALIN. It looks like the Russians knew he was a bad seed from the gate, but they let him slip through the cracks in an upward trajectory. SADDAM HUSSEIN was a cheap, post-cold war STALIN. The amount of Kurds that HUSSEIN killed was a pittance when you match him up next to STALIN’s genocidal tendencies. |
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FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT Respect this man’s badazz pedigree for not letting a debilitating nerve disease stop him from committing mass murder via the Manhattan Project. It turns out the military was closing in on defeating the Japanese before the nukes were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In hindsight, the real bomb was dropped on the American manufacturing model as we now drive Japanese cars, watch Japanese television sets and fetish over exorbitantly priced Japanese tennis shoes. |
| ADOLF HITLER The mainstream media consensus gold standard for despots, tyrants and just all around bad azz motherfuckers. I’ve never really given HITLER credit either for his sartorial sensibilities. Peep the Nazi insignia jacket buttons. ADOLF thought that being a fierce and cunning leader meant that he had to be a fierce cunt. How you doin’ HITLER?!? |
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DARK PHOENIX Speaking of fierce cunts… We’ve talked before about the Dark Phoenix and how she killed off a planet by causing it’s star to go supernova. She gets extra bad azz points for continuously killing herself and coming back to life in another storyline. Hey, she is called the Phoenix. |
DARTH VADER
Seriously though, who is badder than Darth Vader?!? He dresses better than HITLER and Dark Phoenix. He merck’d his babies momma with a Force choke out and then later he chopped off his son’s hand. Ruthless and trendsetting. His all black leather outfit is the dream of forty-something BDSM’ers everywhere. Salute the baddest motherfucker of all time when you see him in the streets.
B.M.F.O.A.T. HONORABLE MENTION
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IDI AMIN This fool put the fear of God into the white man. Lately he has been helping us to sell our DP dot com fundraising apparel. Incidentally, I have half a dozen of these shirts left so if anyone wants to help us keep the lights on you can hit me up on the e-mail. |
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JEFFREY DAHMER I suppose killing people is bad, but that is somewhat mitigated when you turn around and eat those same people. Instead of just disposing of the bodies he created a self-sustaining food source. Soylent Green is people and you, JEFFREY DAHMER, are a visionary. |
RAFI KAM from OH WORD!
Not satisfied with the slaying of countless elfs and orcs this former Dungeon Master is about to set his wrath upon a slackidaisical home repair vendor. I expect the carnage to invole the possible threat of legal action (he is a Jew) as well as several nasty letters to affiliated companies. This is a man that once spent nearly 72 straight hours involved in an internets role playing game. Never once getting up for a glass of water or to even use the bathroom. You people at Home Depot need to respect this man’s gangster.
