Archive for the ‘BeYONCE’s Hair’ Category

MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS: SUPER BOWL EDITION

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

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Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling school has been on hiatus while we tried to straighten out some of the financial aid issues of our students. In a floundering economy you generally see an increase in the number of Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling school applicants.

This week we travel to Tampa Bay Florida, the location for Super Bowl XVIII, to meet and greet some of the lovely Mugshot Models who are competing in the streetwalker face off. Prostitution is sometimes referred to as the oldest profession, but I have to disagree with this on two counts. First, what was the profession that gave people the money to give to the prostitute? And second, why are there no professional organizations for prostitution to aid these “professionals” with health care and legal services, when necessary?

Anyhoo, DP dot com has love for the ladies that take it on the chin while laying on their backs. If there is one place these professionals can get some shine it is here.

Pics are courtesy of The Smoking Gun dot com.

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The TruBlood category
I have to go with the icy blue clear eyes of the contestant on the right.

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The Me Love You Long Time category
How can you say no to a wonky eyed ho?

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The She Was Only 17, But She Was Sexy category
I favored shorty who looks like Janet Jackson’s illegitimate daughter from DeBarge, but then I realized how much I loved Hilary Swank.

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The Granny GoodeLove category
Grandma with the bangs and the floral print shirt had me at hello.

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The Prom Queen category
The off the shoulder look is still a winner 9 out of 10 times, but that is such a nice purple sweater.

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The Belle of the Bowl
Homegirl right here looks like she forgot to put on her facemask before she went out on the field.

Let The Dollars Circulate…

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

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KeiStar Productions along with a bevy of friends are hosting a musical tribute to the man, the myth, the musical legend – Jay Dee.

A portion of the proceeds will be donated to a Lupus Awareness fund.

Fellas, true story is that there will be so many ladies at this party that you won’t know what to do with yourself. Het breeder males will be in the minority. You can win like Rocky without being cocky.

Friday, Feb.6th
DIETY LOUNGE
368 Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
btwn Hoyt and Bond Streets

rsvp@ladieslovenyc.com

Sarah’s Not So Sexy Sequel…

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

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Really, SARAH JESSICA PARKER? Really?!?

Is that what people are really looking for? Another two hours of high couture banality with your well-preserved crew of aging tarts. I’m embarrassed and saddened that you and your lady friends became the ‘Golden Girls’ right in front of my eyes. Not that the ‘Golden Girls’ wasn’t an enjoyable program in that cliché way that sitcoms become, but why should the ‘Golden Girls’ have more “shuzzz” than your group?

It is the fault of your producers, writers and designers SARAH JESSICA. It was time to jettison that bunch of behind the scenes flunkies that have no more fire and transition to a team with more flavor than a pair of KIM CATTRALL’s crotchless panties. People want to see these old bitches wanting to have sex, or having sex and then talking about it afterwards, with the same ladies room wit that made the series worth a damn in the first place. Otherwise you should just let Disney produce these movies from now on. Instead of making a sequel to SATC how about you give Ferris Bueller whatever he wants?

I used to fuck with ‘Sex & The City’ so hardbody because I always wanted me a white as cool as those ho’s were. The only white I ever dated were always jungle fever fetish jobs who would not have given a rat’s ass that I loved comic books, cartoons and physics. Them bitches just wanted to go on a safari and do the jungle love (yes Morris Day). I could give you a safari if I wanted to, but I was tired of the safari shit. The jungle is limited in what animal you can portray. I love playing outerspace because it has no limits. Plus I always liked being an asstronutt.

What is ironic and beautiful is that my lady was raised in the center of the jungle on Halsey between Bedford and N.A. and all she likes to do is play outerspace games. My white girl is actually a Black girl with every track from Depeche Mode’s ‘Music For The Masses’ committed to memory. MFTM is so classic and so important since it was released on my birthday. Yeah, it was always all about me after all. ‘Sex & The City’ doesn’t deserve a sequel because it has no soul.

Its become masturbation as a routine. Just ask Ferris Bueller. Bueller? Bueller?

Mothers I’d Like To F…

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

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Chocolate Snowflake e-mailed me a set of pictures that Madonna shot for whatever wacky shit she is promoting this time around. After 25 years of these silly promotions I too wondered when Madonna was going to hang up the garters so that a younger chick could get her sensationalist on.

Madonna still has a few tricks up her sleeves however. She is a fierce competitor and if you want her crown you are going to have to fight her for it.

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I thought that she made a good decision to keep on the boxing gloves and wrap her hands with taping. If you ever see Madonna’s hands, especially the knuckles, you would shudder. They looked like gnarled pterodactyl claws and babies get scared and cry when they see them.

I’m not mad at Madonna wearing all of this lingerie mixed with boxing equipment and even a four-finger ring. If she wants to get her “box” beat up better than a boxing match it is time for her to bring her old ass to the ‘hood.

Madonna is a helluva entry to put on your resume.

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ObamaGrrl’s Sexy White House Calendar…

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

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Let’s hear it for the girls who take on all comers.

And we did say comers.

For the next twelve months the ObamaGrrl will pleasure herself to these prospective White House cabinet hotties.

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January = STEVEN CHU – Energy Secretary
Celebrate the first month and the Chinese new year with this super big brain physicist that will figure out a way for us to power our hybrid cars with the assfarts from all the arugula that we will now be mandated to consume.

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February = ERIC HOLDER – Attorney General
It’s Black History Month and time to rock out with the other sort-of Black dude in the White House. Back in the days of ‘Roots’ these dudes weren’t Black enough, but the pendulum has swung and now they are just Black enough. Light skin wins in the ’09.

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March = MICHELLE OBAMA – First Lady
Ladies first in March for Woman’s History Month and no lady comes before the First Lady. No, we meant that literally. ObamaGrrl sit your ho ass down. First Lady goes in on the presidential package first. Who do you think this president is? BILL CLINTON?!?

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April = ARNE DUNCAN – Education Secretary
The education secretary is a former pro cager from Australia who used to play pickup games with the president. I just hope the plan for reforming the education system isn’t to send the increasing numbers of high school dropouts to basketball camp. That would certainly be March Madness.

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May = TIMOTHY GEITHNER – Treasury Secretary
President of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York and a dude with a Swiss sounding surname which tells me that he knows where all the fucking money is that BERNARD MADOFF stole.

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June = SANJAY GUPTA – Surgeon General
I have got to get myself a television. Someone told me that he is the doctor from CNNews, and here it is I thought he was the doctor from that program ‘Heroes’.

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July = PETER ORSZAG – Management and Budget Secretary
I’m stunned and saddened. I didn’t think it was possible that anyone could wear a wig which was worse than ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s.

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August = SHAUN DONOVAN – Housing secretary
Converting all of America’s former factories into luxury loft apartments is a daunting task.

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September = JON FAVREAU – Head speach writer (read: weed carrier)
The Obama administration will be the first one filled with real surfers and stoners.

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October = RAHM EMMANUEL – Chief of Staff
Is there any title in politricks more pauseworthy than Chief of Staff [ll]? I think RAHM EMMANUEL is so crafty that he will make KARL ROVE appear to be shiftless and lazy. You see how he regulated shit in the BLAGOJEVICH mess? RAHM is not to be effed with. Word to the mossad.

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November = BARACK OBAMA – President
Give thanks in November to B.O. Not body odor, but BARACK OBAMA. He is the reason for the season. Although because he is halfrican I’m sure he has some kind of crazy B.O.

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December = ObamaGrrl – Presidential video vixen
This is what I am asking Santa for on Christmas.