Archive for the ‘Lust = Love’ Category

LADIES, TONI BRAXTON WILL TAKE YOUR MAN

Thursday, January 11th, 2007

tb

To understand the situation behind JASON KIDD and his baby momma JOUMANA you have to let me rewind back to the 1995 NBA season. Back then the Dallas Mavericks were a promising young squad. ROY TARPLEY had made a brief return from the rehab clinic. GEORGE McCLOUD was throwing up three pointers like he was the resurrection of MARK AGUIRRE, but the nucleus and the excitement for this team came from the ‘3-J’s. Point guard JASON KIDD, shooting guard/swingman JIM JACKSON and small forward JAMAL MASHBURN. Like all the classic Western Conference clubs these boys could fill up the rim. And it wasn’t just the basketball rim that these three dudes enjoyed putting their balls into. There was a hot young rhythm and blues chanteuse that was also the affection of their eyes. All of their eyes.

tb

Back then, TONI BRAXTON was reigning queen of artists working on the Atlanta based Arista imprint, LaFace Records. As famous as TONI was for selling records she was equally notorious in the NBA late night circle. TONI liked to double up too. SCOTTIE PIPPEN and MICHAEL JORDAN made her breathe again. ALONZO MOURNING and LARRY JOHNSON both used their inside game on TONI. She was so gully that she let MUGGSY blaze as well. ‘ZO and Grandmama seemed to catch feelings that they were sharing her put, but nothing was as bad as the off the court rift that developed when JAMAL MASHBURN, JASON KIDD and JIM JACKSON started hitting that freeway threeway. It wasn’t enough for JIM JACKSON to be the Mavericks high scorer on the court. He wanted all the glitter off the court as well. He started catching feelings when he learned that TONI BRAXTON had other business in Dallas. What he didn’t realize is that TONI was just gully like that.

tb

Ask her sisters TRACI, TRINA, TOWANDA, and TAMAR who she left in the dust at LaFace. Those broads are running around shoplifting costume jewelry now. Just because some Black chick is liteskin don’t think she can’t be a ghetto desperado with no scruples. Especially when your parents give you all halfrican names. When she came to New York to work on Broadway she was paid a visit from JASON KIDD who apparently still had a place in his heart for that gully poon despite the fact that he was knee deep in a hellish marriage to some former stripper er, model. When JOUMANA KIDD sent her waterhead son to rifle through his dad’s pockets do you know whose phone number came up? All I can say for you women that have husbands playing in the NBA right now is protect your neck come All-Star weekend. The game will be played in Las Vegas where TONI has been headlining at the Flamingo Hotel and Casino.

tb

A LETTER FROM THE MANAGEMENT

Monday, January 8th, 2007

hny

Now that I’ve thrown up for eight consecutive days in honor of Kwaaaanzaaaa it’s time to get back to the internets. Big up to RAFI and COMBAT JACK for leaving me expletive laden messages of encouragement on my voicemail. Since the gang is all here I guess there’s nothing to it other than to do it.

Who should we bring the fire to first?

OPRAH? THE N.Y.P.D.? DEAD SADDAM? BRITNEY? WACK RAPPERS?

Rest assured that the usual suspects won’t be able to hide from us, nor will we forget to remind you of what’s truly important to us. Community. Respect. Humanity.

So let’s definetly not call this a comeback since I’ve been here for virtual years, but rest assured I am going to put the suckas in fear for the ’07.

BILLY SUNDAY’s HOLIDAY PHOTO ALBUM

Saturday, January 6th, 2007

sexy girl anime
sexy girl anime
sexy girl anime

Your boy BILLY SUNDAY is back from vaycay as well and he’s up to his usual tricks. He and Mr. BLISTER spent the New Year in Singapore and I think I will have to hear about how southeast Asain chicks are the new azzcrack for the ’07.

You be the judge.

NOTE TO CIARA’s P.R. PEEPS…

Saturday, January 6th, 2007

ciara

I’m ready to make CIARA my new ‘It’ girl, but you folks need to send me a pic of her genitals first. I won’t publish the pictures to my audience and at least we can move forward.

I understand that she is supposed to have an extra large labia, and I’m cool with that. Hell, if her pussy lips are large enough to put lipstick on I think that’s sexy, but I am strongly opposed to making love to CIARA if she has a penis. Even a small one.

Let’s say she has a penis and twat… I’m still opposed to having sex with her, although I don’t think that she should be stripped of her right to marry BOW WOW or MISSY ELLIOT or whomever is into that type of thing.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM SCARLETT JOHANSSON’s Crotchless Panties…

Sunday, December 24th, 2006

scarlett

Whenever I think of Christmas I think of having a few days off from work to run around my apartment naked and chase my girlfriend. In the end Christmas is the celebration of childbirth. And how do you make a child in the first place (don’t answer this if your MARY CHENEY)?

If the infant baby JESUS could chose any womb to exit from I’ll lay odds that he’d chose one of these wombs that I want to enter…

scarlett SCARLETT JOHANSSON
After watching SCARLETT in ‘Match Point’ is when I knew I would have to get me some of that yum-yum-ooo-tang. She was licking her lips and rolling her eyes and just playing the role of a sexy whore. I was never really checking for her too tough at first because she didn’t have an azz as plump as ANGELINA, and she didn’t have that ‘Norway stunner’ look that UMA rocks, but now I have come full circle and I’m giving mad props to Ms. JOHANSSON.

CIARA
Remember when everybody was saying that CIARA had a penis? It turned out that she has an extra large labia which isn’t even that uncommon after all. Plus you know Bow Wow was too busy fucking around with video games and toys instead of wearing this young tail out like he should have been. CIARA is begging to be worn out like a pair of Payless pumps. She wants you to throw her around and pee on her six pack stomach. Good for you CIARA that I just drunk four cups of green tea and my bladder is having wild spasms. Let’s bang it up lil’ mama.
ciara

tricia TRICIA HELFER a/k/a Number 6
This is my little futuristic intergalactic cyborg beat box. If you aren’t fucking with Battlestar Galactica yet you need to get up on that shit. This chick alone makes the program worth watching. She’s a total cocktease and a kick azz malevolent bitch all wrapped up in the same package. The best part is that she’s a robot so if you wanted to azz rape her with a leather belt around her neck it wouldn’t be a crime, because technically, robots aren’t considered human even if they have a soul.

SANAA LATHAN
A few years back DENZEL turned out this little fine piece of chocolate tail so badly that she had to go get ‘Something New’. SANAA filled the void in Black cinema that NIA LONG had on smash in the early 1990’s. I’m not saying that NIA motherfucking LONG couldn’t still get her weave pulled while I aired her out from behind, but SANAA is just a little more sexy with her clef chin.

In my book a clef chin = cum cup.

sanaa

vanessa williams VANESSA WILLIAMS
Ugly Betty’s boss, VANESSA WILLIAMS, is forever my lady like that Jodeci song, except I won’t be kidnapping her and burning Newport cigarettes on her nipples like Mr.Dalvin does, allegedly. She was my first Valentine love. I’ve been patiently waiting for VANESSA for over twenty years and I will wait another twenty if that’s what it takes for her to be mine. I can see myself giving Miss America (that’s what I call her) a sponge bath when she’s 80. She is going to be fine for all of eternity.