Archive for December, 2005

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Merry Christmas To All U.S. Soldiers

Sunday, December 25th, 2005

rummy

One of the most depressing stories out of Iraq is the one where United States Secretary of Defense DONALD RUMSFELD visits the troops stationed in Mosul for Christmas Eve dinner.

Nevermind the fact that some of these soldiers have been in that dirty desert since last Christmas. How about a visit from newly single whore actress JESSICA SIMPSON? Well, at least the troops were served lobster tails and steak.

I wish only the blessings of GOD for the active U.S. servicemen in Iraq and Afghanistan (still?!?).

“Where is it written in the Constitution that you may take children from their parents, and parents from their children, and compel them to fight the battles of any war in which the folly or wickedness of government may engage it?”

“Be convinced that to be happy means to be free and that to be free means to be brave. Therefore do not take lightly the perils of war.”

“In war, there are no unwounded soldiers.”

Peace

Posted in Social Upheaval | 1 Comment »

CHRIS ROCK is an Official T.I. Hump

Sunday, December 25th, 2005

hump

In my mind CHRIS ROCK fell off a while back. I remember watching him on the E! network’s ‘HOWARD STERN Show’ and he was being interviewed by HOWARD and he was doing his usual big tooth Negro schtick. HOWARD was semi-interested in ROCK because he had a movie that was about to drop (the presidential fairytale flop). The funny part of the show came when NICOLAS CAGE stopped by the studio for an impromptu visit and HOWARD was immediately done with ROCK. What made me chuckle was that NICK CAGE didn’t even have a film to promote, but his mere presence made ROCK invisible.

So CHRIS ROCK is back on top of the heap with his crappy television program leading the ratings for that evening. I have only watched one episode but that was enough to experience CHRIS’ overflowing hatred towards himself and his family. The little fairskin boy that has been cast to play CHRIS ROCK’s youthful alter ego is a passable child actor. He must be wondering how his luck put him in the position to play a character that would grow up to be a crispy french fry of a philandering Uncle Tom.

Enjoy the sunshine Mr.ROCK because when DAVE CHAPELLE returns he will be carrying a pistol with at least one bullet for your big teeth.

Posted in Black Bullshit, Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, Jig Lit Review | No Comments »

MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!

Saturday, December 24th, 2005

the fams

Peace out, from my family to yours…

Posted in When I Reminisce... | 1 Comment »

BILLY SUNDAY’s Holiday Gift Guidebook

Saturday, December 24th, 2005

me and a scrippa

Every fatboy should get at least one good piece of Black scrippa poonahnee before they have a heart attack or the diabetes renders their penis permanantly flacid (no homo).

Posted in Black Bullshit | No Comments »

HI HO! HI HO! Its Off to Work We Go

Friday, December 23rd, 2005

ralph kramden

The fantasy that I had about blue collar workers getting their life affirming kudos has finally been burst. The transit workers have decided to go back to work without a contract and I can’t totally blame them because if I go more than a week without my digit, it’s time for me to take out the old ski mask (and my fat azz can’t run like I did when I was eighteen).

What I have gleaned from this non-event is that there is no shortage of robberbarons, crooks and fools managing this city. They are complicit with the corporations and buisnessmen that fund their campaigns. In the end it will be the transit workers, the sanitation workers, the teachers, the police, the firefighters and the balance of civil servants that keep this city running to make sure that the center holds.

I made a quick reference guide for anyone who is interested in learning who the players were in this latest municipal debacle…

Roger the dodger ROGER TOUISSANT
The biggest problem with the TWU president is that he has a French surname and he speaks with a British accent. The whole “schwarze in the fancy schmatte” routine was already done by that wannabe Semitic supremacist, whatshisname, so I won’t really go there, but c’mon party people admit it, he didn’t do an adequate job of preparing his membership for this contingency.

The MTA was founded by mega rich billionaires (that’s billions in 1901 money too) who don’t take kindly to threats from the hired help. You can’t challenge billionaires to share their money. You challenge billionaires on their humanity and their credibility. The TWU president could have used a campaign strategist. Too bad KARL ROVE is a Sith officer. ROVE has the guile for publicly charged emotional campaigns. Oh, and yeah, did I mention that TOUISSANT is Black!

duh, which way did he go? PETER KALIKOW
The MTA chairman reinforces my long held stereotype that there is an inverse relationship between wealth and intelligence. I can’t totally blame him though because he is managing money that was created by other, much smarter people. With a daily ridership of over 7 million people, multiplied by $2 per ride and 365 days a year, you are looking at one helluva Christmas bonus. Do you think Mr.KALIKOW could find it in the agency budget to upgrade the subway comfort stations so that I don’t have to piss on the tracks?

PETER KALIKOW is to New York State Governor GEORGE PATAKI what ex-FEMA Director MIKE BROWN is to GEORGE BUSH. Just two kooky frat boys having fun with a billion dollar taxpayer beer bong.

I have an umbrella GOVERNOR GEORGE PATAKI
GEORGE PATAKI could have been a presidential contender in another reality where we don’t vote for someone based on how they look or how well they speak. Despite the fact that the Governor talks out of the side of his mouth — not because that’s a technique for politicians, but because he was bitten by a deer tick while hiking through the Catskills — PATAKI has always bested any challengers for his Albany seat. No homo.

However when the shit hits the fan, the Governor is continually forced to hold the umbrella for more charasmatic downstate politicos like RUDOLPH GIULIANI and now MICHAEL BLOOMBERG.

da' Mayor MAYOR MICHAEL BLOOMBERG
When the Mayor of New York City calls the transit workers “thugs” you can be sure that he didn’t mean it in the friendly rap music sense of the word. The Mayor of New York City might be one of America’s richest men, so we can’t really expect him to worry about whether transit workers can afford to put their kids through college.

Can I be honest with y’all? This mayor dresses even better than former Mayor DAVID DINKINS did. I would forego healthcare and a retirement package to polish his shoes. I’d probably make twice what those transit humps make too.

the pretender ATTORNEY GENERAL ELLIOT SPITZER
Surprisingly silent and invisible during this labor disagreement has been the pretender to the New York State gubernatorial throne. Only a few weeks prior, the attorney general was chasing down phony charities. The scope of this situation must have been too large for the attorney general’s pedigree. His silence has spoken volumes.

Good luck in November Invisible Man.

Uncle Bootsy SATCHEL ‘BOOTSY’ SUNDAY
My uncle worked for the NYC transit system for just over thirty years. Unfortunately he passed away from cardiovascular disease before his retirement.

My fondest memories of my uncle were the times I would be waiting for the subway to arrive and as the train barrelled into the platform he would spot me from the motorman booth and yell my name. When he was a driver on the independent lines I got a chance to ride along with him in the driver cab. The R-46 is still my favorite device in the system.

The drivers and the conductors that work several stories under the Earth in pitch black darkness, moving those metal crates back and forth day after day, are people that I admire and respect. They allow me the chance to daydream for a few minutes before reality sets in and I have to walk out into the light.

Thanks Uncle Bootsy.

Posted in C.R.E.A.M., Social Upheaval, T.O.N.Y. | No Comments »

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