Archive for June, 2006

Major League Baseball Better START SNITCHING

Friday, June 9th, 2006

jose

I apologize to the kid H.R. from the site START SNITCHING dot com for swagger jacking this post from him before he has the chance to open this shit up in his own unimitable way. Dude has a dope post about HBO’s ‘The Wire’ series rocking the lead space at his page. Go there and tell him that your cousin BILLY SUNDAY sent you.

Speaking of the wire…

MLB’s JASON GRIMSLEY was almost pressured by Federal agents into wearing a wire while they continued to target BARRY BONDS’ alleged steroid use. It makes me wonder why the Feds have this surreal witchhunt against BONDS. I think someone in the F.B.I. may not have had their glove signed when they were a little dude. I mean, like these dudes have a major hardon for BARRY BONDS on some ex-lover type shit. In the meantime no one knows who killed BIGGIE or TUPAC. If the F.B.I. wants to target illegal drugs and the what not that is cool, but we all know that to fill our cities up with the dope and crack means that the shit comes over here in large container ships and not in a suitcase. Don’t just arrest BARRY BONDS and act like you did anything to save the lost souls inside the center city.

So what that baseball players are using steroids and human growth hormone in order to stay competitive in their league. Who knows what other drugs they are using? Who cares?!? So many of these players are having heart attacks and dying in their late forties and early fifties that drug abuse shouldn’t even be a surprise. I’m not even amazed that it’s the Latin players that have the connects to the best junk either. Even though it’s baseball it’s still the real world. Why don’t you think there are any Colombian baseball players? It’s ’cause the coca still makes more scrilla.

G DUBBZ Does Care About Coconuts and Bananas

Friday, June 9th, 2006

bedtime for bonzo

Even when GEORGE BUSH does something right he manages to fuck things up. On Monday, G DUBBZ declared that June would be Caribbean-American Month and that Americans should celebrate all the contributions that Carib-Americans bring to this country.

From the outset you think this is a good thing because he is apparently giving props to all the bloodclots that bring that good sticky icky for us to enjoy at Roots concerts. But his statements had the reverse effect by igniting unrest on the gully animal thug island of Haiti. Everyone had been chilling for months, but then with the news that G DUBBZ had created a special month for anyone that would swim across the Caribbean on a tire has set the Haitians on fire.

port au prince is burning

To all my readers inside Port-au-Prince, please don’t despair because there is another way that you can enjoy the month of June without burning your shanty. GEORGE BUSH has also declared June to be Black Music Month. Just think about all the innovations that Haitian people have brought to the way we enjoy our favorite music.

There’s the Haitian iPod…

c'est pa sales?!?

And the Haitian Video iPod.

video iPod

ayez les chiennes gentilles d’un jour!

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: THIS or THAT

Thursday, June 8th, 2006

choices

My ace entertainment reporter who steals all of our celeb pics from CONCRETE LOOP sent me a picture of JANET from the CFDA gala the other evening. I didn’t see any pics of her lawn jockey and I know ol’ boy was in town carrying her weed. You don’t want to have a newly svelte MISS JACKSON out on the town stag because she is known to double up.

In circumspect I guess that’s why we created two possible S.A.B. graphics. I couldn’t decide which one to roll with so I am asking you good folks which one you prefer. All the voters that are part of the DP.com ‘snail mail’ list will receive a DVD of my choice this week. If you aren’t part of the ‘snail mail’ list then you better ask somebody.

you can get with this…
harley quinn

or you can get with that
marionette

DON’T EFF WITH THE INTERNETS!!!

Thursday, June 8th, 2006

And don’t monkey around with the telephones either!

A shout goes out to internets veteran COMBAT JACK, who pointed me to this post via a stray shot from NAH’RIGHT dot com, DefJam doorman SHAWN ‘JiggerMan’ CARTER’s favorite place on the web.  This news story takes place right here in NYC and it shows you how powerfully synergistic the internets and the telecom companies can be when there is a young white women in distress.
The story goes like this…

Girl loses Sidekick phone device in yellow taxi. Calls phone to retrieve it ready to offer reward, but to no avail, she receives no response. Purchases new Sidekick device and restores network connection only to find that lost Sidekick is in use. The S.I.M. cards to the device(s) seem to hold all the info on a dedicated server which the device(s) owner can access for information. The person in possession of the ‘lost’ device has uploaded pictures and accessed the internets repeatedly. The owner of said device(s) contacts the doppleganger user and the hilarity ensues. There has even been a website created that tells the story in every detail.

Stealing a cell phone is so 1989. What monkey doesn’t understand this? Apparently the young monkey pictured at that website. For even more six degrees of separation trivia I realize that she lives across the street from the schoolyard park and baseball field that I grew up in as a child and where I coached for the Corona Little League with my dad.

So I reach out to my troops in my old ‘hood to see if anyone knows who this dumb chica might be because she has put herself in a world of white trouble. Stealing a Coloreds phone is one thing that you can do without too much of a problem, but stealing the electronics from a young blonde Manhattanite is like whistling at a white girl in Biloxi. Just ask GEORGE CLOONEY.

I am awaiting the final act of this melodrama to conclude with shorty doing a perp walk on prime time news. The MSM will tout it as an example of how the telecom companies and the internets are working together to protect us. Hopefully that will quiet all the noise about how Verizon, Cingular and the rest of those BellTel bastards sold our phone call and internet use records away to the highest bidders.

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Wednesday, June 7th, 2006

blu cheez

Awwww ish! Guess who is still the flyest bear on these internets? That nigga BLU CHEEZ is fool! So holler at a player when you see one in the streets.

blu cheezys

Aint nobody dope as CHEEZ, he dress so fresh and so clean

blu cheezys

(so fresh and so clean-clean)

blucheezys

Dont you find CHEEZ so sexy, he dress so fresh and so clean

blucheezys

(so fresh and so clean-clean)

blu cheezys

I love when you stare at CHEEZ, he dress so fresh so clean

blucheezys

(so fresh and so clean-clean)