Somebody need to stop the madness with little BOBBI KRISTINA before I see her on the cover of the August ‘Black Tail’ magazine.
As always, crunk shiite provided by CRUNK and Disorderly
Archive for June, 2006
BILLY SUNDAY’s LATE NITE FUNK FLIX
Saturday, June 24th, 2006
This session of B.S.L.N.F.F. goes out to the pioneers that had a mind to fuse Hip-Hop with punk rock to create a unified voice of the people. Speaking on themes of police brutality and government coruption, punk rock was just as real as rap music was. This union was sabotaged when the record industry decided that rap could only be made by Blacks and punk rock could only be done by white. Blondie’s ‘Rapture’ became a new wave novelty and the band Bad Brains… well, how many of you have heard of Bad Brains?
I liked The Clash because they were a groove driven punk band and because they always gave mad props to graff kids and Hip-Hop.
HAITIANS = Still TOO Gully
Saturday, June 24th, 2006
I hate to be the one to say that I told you so even though I’m sure that I told you so on several occasions. Haitians are simply the gulliest nationality next to the Palestinians. As a matter of fact, Haitians are even more gully, because they have less reasons to be upset. Sure the Palestinians and the Haitians are both poor, downtrodden people, but at least the Haitians don’t have to dodge heavy artillery shells when they go to the beach. The Haitians should be more relaxed than the Palestinians, but they’re far from relaxed. Now this news comes in that Haitians were part of the plan to destroy the Sears Tower?!?
The first thing I am going to say is thank GOD it was the Haitians and NOT the Hindus. The Hindu people are real sticklers for time and precision. That’s why so many Hindus work as engineers for all the different government agencies. They are methodical as all hell, but when the clock strikes 4.30pm they get their arses up from their curry fart festooned chairs and high tail it out the door. Hindus could be dangerous, but only during working hours. If you have ever been downwind of one of them after lunchtime then you get my drift.
Haitians are pretty dangerous too, but mostly to themselves. I have heard stories about Haitian men severing the arms of their cousins because someone didn’t want to relinquish control of the television remote. What I didn’t realize is that the remote control was for the village’s only television. That’s the problem with Haitians. They take shit way too seriously. My understanding is that this plot to destroy the Sears Tower came during a celebration for the Heat’s NBA championship victory.
When someone alluded to MICHAEL JORDAN still being a better player than DWYANE WADE it angered the Heat’s Haitian constituency and that’s when they decided that in order for DWYANE WADE to ascend to the pinnacle of the NBA hierarchy they would have to destroy all the symbols of the Chicago Bulls dynasty. Except nobody told these dudes that the Sears Tower wasn’t built in honor of JORDAN and his marketing deal with Hanes underwear, sold excluively at Sears’ retailers. What a clusterfuck we have now for all the well-educated, hard working Haitians in this country just trying to live the American Dream.
Well, at least the country is safe now from the threat of some wacky right-wing religious zealot Haitians. There’s even some good news for the website. We have a new ‘Seperated At Birth’ graphic.
APPLESEED Is Straight Up Illseed
Saturday, June 24th, 2006
A bunch of y’all rode with me when I kicked it about the Wind Ninja Chronicle so I am going to hit you in the head with another sick manga flick. ‘Appleseed‘ is for all of you post-apocalyptic futuristic mayhem fans.
It pops off after the third world war and the Earth is essentially too fucked up to inhabit. A provisional government creates a Utopia in the last remaining safe region of the planet. The people that live here are mostly DNA clones since very little humans survived the war. As you can imagine almost everything is regulated by the government including thoughts and memories. The problems arise when the DNA clones start freaking out inside the fishbowl of their virtual city.
The future city has a police force that is armed to the teeth just to keep motherfuckers from getting out of pocket, but there is this one rebel that once lived a normal human life outside of the new city and homeboy is shooting shit up. The special forces cop team that is comprised of the two people that also lived normally before the war is trying to track dude down to regulate his azz. One of the cops exists solely inside of this cybernetic organism. Like they somehow were able to put his brain into this machine. Dude is a f’ruckin’ beast and he kills bad guys like it’s nothing. His chick partner is a mercenary too.
The movie crosses a lot of philosophical ideas like what constitues living if you have no choice of action or thought. Don’t we need a little rain to put sunshine in it’s proper perspective? Before shit gets all thoughtful niggas start shooting up shit and killing each other. There are some great technical concepts for military industrial complex equipment that I bet the Defense Department is working on now. The fighting scenes are also superb and surprisingly realistic since the movie is a cartoon. All in all the film is another one of my Saturday night hydro smoking delights that you should put into your library.
I’m Still Standing… (nullus, of course)
Saturday, June 24th, 2006
This was a rough week for Team DALLAS Inc. I didn’t get any sweet CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKE poon because I picked up a wretch of a flu bug with a nasty phlegm cough. I suppose I could have gotten some brain, but I haven’t showered all week either.
The Dallass Mavericks played like a bunch of humps and were swept out of the NBA Finals by a dude that wears ‘leggings’!?!
Super producer DALLAS AUSTIN was pinched by the jake in Dubai while trying to transport contraband into the country. Dude was on his way to a NAOMI CAMPBELL party so you know there was already going to be a ton of candy in the building, ifyouknowhatimsayin. I just hope DALLAS AUSTIN wasn’t the connect that everybody was waiting on because that will fuck up a party with the quickness when you find out that the party favors are in the hands of the narcotics policia.
If DALLAS AUSTIN were a fan of the internets he would have peeped ROBBIE‘s site called ‘A Salute To Weed Carriers’ and he would have been reminded that he used to carry for a one JERMAINE DUPRI. Now that DALLAS AUSTIN is a big time music something or the other he should have people carrying his bags(no b.b.). There has got to be another Young Joc or Da Brat wannabe with all the jigs that live in the Atlanta area. Hell, there are still two members of T.L.C. still alive. I’m sure that T-Boz could use the money for Enfamil or hair dye.
So hopefully DALLAS AUSTIN won’t be on lock down for too long, but if he ends up in some new millenium Papillion type shit I hope he has an internets hookup. This way he’ll get to catch up on some required reading like the ‘2006 1st Annual Weed Carriers Awards‘.