Archive for September, 2006

We Barely Even Knew Ye…

Wednesday, September 20th, 2006

kofi

U.N. President KOFI ANNAN gave his final address to the General Assembly of the United Nations yesterday afternoon. Come January there will be another person from some lowly third world country occupying that post. In ten years ANNAN hasn’t been able to do shit about shirley. Supremacy still rules the roost at the U.N. and supremacy decides which countries receive supplies and medicines and which countries are labeled as terrorists and anti-semites.

I’m still waiting for the world leader to jump up and scream ‘Shenanigans to White Supremacy!’ This dude from Iran almost did it, but then he went off on some Jewish rant. You know no one from Africa is going to do it because that continent is in such a destabilized condition almost anyone can be a presidential candidate. Chad anyone?!?

The Chinese are the ones to watch because they just stay in the corner all quiet and shit and be steady stacking that paper. You know how much money they have made alone on those cheap azz mesh house shoes all the ghetto girls wear? Don’t sleep, the Chinese make them flip flops too. Like in a few years peep and see if GEORGE WASHINGTON’s eyes don’t get a little slanty. Although I wouldn’t mind be able to elect a Chinese guy for president. SONNY CHIBA is way more kick azz than ARNOLD.

I wonder if Antartica has a representative at the U.N.? You would think that a whole ‘nother continent deserves at least one representative. I know that the U.S. anf France and the U.K. and several other countries have illuminati outposts down there, but shouldn’t this entire continent have at least one soverign nation. It could be ruled by Emperor penguins and the prime minister could be the Penguin (btw, I liked BURGESS MEREDITH, but DeVITO killed that role). I just don’t see how a mass of land as big as Antartica doesn’t have some crazy nationalistic white people clamboring over it.

As the death toll in Iraq flys higher than a North Korean test missile its obvious that the U.N. has outlived its’ publicized raison d’etre. On second thought I don’t think it ever was concerned with providing a democratic voice for the disenfranchised. It’s unstated purpose is to keep supremacy in place as the dominant socio-eco-political system on the planet. Whether or not you have WMD’s and whether or not you enrich uranium for militaristic purposes you better realize that this is the order of the day. If you don’t respect that fact just take note of the 140,000+ American soldiers in the desert right now waiting to get into your azz.

No JIM McGREEVEY to that last sentence.

WIG OWNERS > WIG BRUSHERS

Wednesday, September 20th, 2006

missgayjay

This drop is for all the ladies that visit DP dot com who have that entrepreneurial spirit. My independent lady friend readers that have their own businesses, their own blogs and their own bucks. Y’all are some cheap bitches because you never send me any money, but I can’t knock your hustle because at least y’all take the time out to holler at’cha boy.

Anyhoo…

ALEX 2.0
gave me the seed idea for this series which will examine some of the various wealthy women that we see in entertainment and analyze whether their wealth is independent or co-dependent on others. In truth, I think everyone that is wealthy is dependent on other people, but some folks are paid in full completely off the backsweat and talent of the people they befriend. Hence, you have the Wig Owner and their co-dee, the Wig Brusher. The Wig Owner has at least one good lace front wig and the Wig Brusher’s responsibility is to make sure that the wig remains shiny and tangle free. The more wigs that a Wig Owner possesses means that the Wig Brusher must step their game up as well. When a Wig Owners number one Wig Brusher falls off their job you will start to see the wefts in the Wig Owners’ headpiece. That’s the time to get yourself a new Wig Brusher. Let’s look at some of the examples of Wig Owners and their Wig Brushers.

tyra TYRA BANKS = WIG OWNER
TYRA took off her Victoria’s Secret wig and put on a jazzy lace front called the ‘America’s Next Top Model’ wig. She also owns a wig for the TYRA BANKS Show and a few wigs for all the jig movie premieres that she goes too.

miss jay MISS JAY = WIG BRUSHER
What is there bad to say about someone who has put H.A.M. into the diet of anorexic models?

paris PARIS HILTON = WIG OWNER
PARIS got her very own a wig by making a porno of her sexcapades, but you know her daddy has tons of wigs for her on stash in some hotel.

nikki NICOLE RICHIE = WIG BRUSHER
This Tragic Mulatto was born to brush.

kelly KELLY CLARKSON = WIG OWNER
American Idols aren’t wearing quality human hair wigs, but they are hard workers and maybe one day they will be able to upgrade their synthetic joints for some real ones.

gay aiken CLAY AIKEN = WIG BRUSHER
Not just a Wig Brusher, but a hair stylist.

b BeYONCE KNOWLES = WIG OWNER
You have to respect B’s wig grind because you can see how far she came up from her box braids days. Just as an aside, BYRON CRAWFORD pointed out to me that the title for BeYONCE’s latest album sounds synonymous for the French toilet fixture that flushes asswater – BIDET. Lord knows BeYONCE could use one of those bad boys.

bigfoot baby girl KELLY ROWLAND = WIG BRUSHER
I still think that the KNOWLES family keeps homegirl in their basement and forces her to sew all the House of Dereon clothing.

love

You have to admire the love that a Wig Brusher has for the Wig Owner.

babwa BARBARA WALTERS = WIG OWNER
BARBARA WALTERS is a boss bitch in the Wig Owning game. KATIE COURIC couldn’t hold her Tampax.

star STAR JONES = WIG BRUSHER
STAR got out of pocket and boss bitch BARBARA has taken her wigs from her. Good thing for STAR is that I’m pretty sure her husband has a wig or two in his closet.

o OPRAH WINFREY = WIG OWNER
Act like you know a Wig Owner when you see one in the streets. Talk about boss bitches… OPRAH be giving away cars and throwing Hermes bags in the garbage can.

gayle GAYLE KING = WIG BRUSHER
On the low, GAYLE keeps all of OPRAH’s wigs mad crispy. Like I said, on the low (no SHERYL SWOOPES).

the boss

The Boss DIANA ROSS = WIG OWNER
DIANA ROSS is the blueprint for all young Wig Owners in the music business. Beautiful and ruthless, she was that queen bitch and she was born in Detroit so you know she kept it gullier than most.

m.j. MICHAEL JACKSON = WIG BRUSHER
When MICHAEL got too old for DIANA to look out for he ended up flipping his wig.

queen b QUEEN BEE LIL’ KIM = WIG OWNER
No Wig Owner on this list can claim to keeping it hardbody in the Federal pen except for the Queen Bee. When she came home she put on her lace front and her Louis Vuitton shades and got right back to work.

bigfoot baby girl REMY MA = WIG BRUSHER
REMY MA will brush the hell out of a Lacey yak jawnt.

kim and the boss

An all time classic moment in the history of Wig Ownership. The Boss passes the tittie baton to the Queen Bee.

MY P.C. HEARTS ADULT SWIM…

Tuesday, September 19th, 2006

adult swim

Do y’all not recognize that Adult Swim is the most important block of programming on television?!? Well guess what? Adult Swim isn’t just for cable television anymore. The folks at Cartoon Network are recognizing YouTube’s influence on their brand and now they are giving availability to entire program episodes at ADULT SWIM FIX.

Adult Swim Fix is where you go to get that crack that you may have missed because you were too sleepy from smoking two White Owl blunts and drinking half a bottle Bombay Sapphire. Or maybe you were one of the losers that couldn’t stay awake past 1am because you have to work for a living. Ha! Chumps.

Adult Swim Fix has tons of rare Cartoon Network shows like the hilarious ‘Squidbillies’, ‘Robot Chicken, ‘Venture Bros.’ and my favorite ‘Stroker and Hoop’. Open the episode of Stroker and Hoop’ titled ‘Hip-Hop Hooray’ and peep the madness of these two bumbling private investigators. Stroker and Hoop moonlight as bodyguards for a gangster rapper named MC Homicidal Rapist. From there its all downhill and heeefuckinglarious.

Cartoon Network shoots and scores with the Adult Swim Fix channel. If not for the NFL I could shoot my television.

It’s Just A Friendly Game Of Baseball…

Tuesday, September 19th, 2006

reggie

Peace to the Main Source and BioChemical Slang.

I was up in Harlem this weekend and I noticed how all the beisbol diamonds are occupied by little Dominican boys from el campo, while all the morenitos are on the basketball courts. The kids are totally segregated socially and culturally. I remember just a few years ago when I was a kid and we had Cuban boys in my neighborhood and they played baseball, basketball and football. Their language didn’t seperate them and neither did their upbringing.

Sports in America has always been the barometer for how we relate to one another across all kinds of lines, real and virtual. No sport has been of greater influence to the working class people of this country than baseball has. It has served as recreation and meditation, it has helped assimilation and upward mobilization.

I wonder if the parents of the Dominican kids tell their children not to fuck with the Black kids because of the supremacist fate that will await them? In a few more generations the quote unquote Black population of America will be overtaken by the Blacks from the Carribbean, South America and Africa. These peoples do not readily accept the designation of Black as neither do the mulattos, quadroons, octaroons, etc. There will come a point when urban housing projects act like the Indian reservations of the Midwest do. They will house a Black population that is totally disenfranchised and dependent on social programs for their subsistence.

I won’t be surprised then when I see a professional sports team named the Carolina Coons. I already have their fitted caps in home and away Bloods and Crips colors.

coons
coons

PIPER CARTER, Shorty of the Year…

Tuesday, September 19th, 2006

piper

Way back in the beginning of the summer when my cousin PIPER CARTER was starting to get some shine for the photos she took of ‘Flavor of Love’ golddigger NIKKI ALEXANDER, I knew she was on her way to bigger and better things so I asked her to inaugurate our ‘Shorty of the Month’ feature.

Slowly but surely the wheel has been turning in her favor and she just caught some more light snapping photos for NPR at NYC’s Fashion Week. PIPER isn’t only sharp behind a camera. She’s quite hot in front of one too.

piper

piper

Make sure that you check out her work at pipercarter.com