What’s the smell party people? We’re knee deep into the summer now so I hope you cats are getting your swerve right. What is better than the summer for hooking up with some strange poon and stretching that love into the fall? Not past Thanksgiving though, because that is when you enter gift giving season with Chanukkah and Kwanzaa around the corner. The idea is to find someone that you can pick up again after Valentime’s Day. That may sound like the mythic Holy Grail of poontang, but I am here to show you how to bag up one of these summertime jumpoffs.
It ain’t where you’re from, it’s where you’re at and you need to put yourself in some particular locations in order to secure the perfect jumpoff that will be intrigued to your slightly uncouth mannerisms. Hoodrats are out of the question because they already know game. The type of chicks that you want to hook up with are almost nerds themselves. Sexy female nerds that work in advertising or telecommunications. These broads have good jobs and can afford to pay for their own Chipotle. Peep some of the locations and techniques for you to smash some quality action…
The Library
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it sounds corny, but trust me, a chick that can read is usually more freaky than a broad who just watches the tube. Go read some Victorian-era erotic romance novels while your there in the library. That shit is all about bondage, rape and submission. Good shit. The library will always be good money ground zero for bagging up official nerd chicks.
The Laundromat
True story is that I was having poetry readings at the Clean-Rite on Fulton Street. If you came through and read some work I would give you free fabric softener. It was a pop off for a few weeks thanks in part to the movie ‘Love Jones’. The laundry is sick if you stay focused. You can peep the types of underwear that a shorty wears which will alert you to your prospect’s freak flag. Avoid the chicks with several pairs of crotchless drawls. You don’t want to fall in love with a stripper.
The Department of Motor Vehicles
The DMV is another great spot because this lets you know that shorty has some kind of whip. It’s always playerific to be driven around by your shorty. Your advantage to introducing yourself are the long lines and the fact that everyone hates coming to the DMV. Strike up a convo, but try not to sound like a cornball. Tell honey that you are getting your license re-instated after your suspension from driving the getaway car in a bank robbery. Then laugh afterwards and say that your are joking, but not really.
The Church
Whoa. Relax. There is nothing sacrilegious about going to church to bag up a lunchable. What’s more righteous than the union of man, woman and child? She doesn’t have to know that you are going to avoid the child part. Plus there are hundreds of different types of churches that you can fuck with. I prefer the Catholic churches because they have the hot-blooded Latin broads. Their repressed Catholic upbringing has them ready to almost give you head in the church basement. And you don’t even want to know how the rectory got it’s name.
The Supermarket
Supermarkets like Whole Foods are the hottest new meeting spaces. You can monitor the lifestyle of someone by the groceries they consume. You can also fool a broad into thinking that you might have some culture when you pick out some weird vegetable or a stinky ass cheese. I go to Whole Foods when I am looking for some of the “other” white meat, and no, I don’t mean lean pork. Here’s an important question that I like to ask chicks… Garlic or cilantro? If she says cilantro then you want to fuck with her. Garlic? Not so much.
The MySpace
After several years MySpace is still doing its thing. Facebook is a little more classy, but if you are trolling the internets looking for something tender to smash then who cares which site you use as long as she is cute in the face and small in the waist. Hell, get your ass on fucking BlackPlanet or MiGente if you have to. Just don’t let August roll around and you are still masturbating. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
So there you have it players and playerettes, your cousin BILLY SUNDAY’s guide to getting yourself right this summer. Love? What’s love got to do with it?
