Archive for September, 2007


Friday, September 28th, 2007

blu cheez mister met

And you know Mr. Met don’t give a fuck if it’s ya’ birthday!

My little treat to myself to jump off my New Year (yes Rosh Hasha’anah) was to go to the big ballpark in my old ‘hood in Queens. It’s kind of how I reconnect to my parents who are no longer taking me to the cheap seats, and how I replenish my energies and return my focus. Plus, it’s beisbol bitches.

And beisbol has benn berry, berry good to me (yes Chico Escuela).

The only catch right now is that my azz is broke as fuck. Well, I’m not broken, since I am in one single piece. Okay, okay, one BIG, single piece, but my azz still ain’t got no money in the bank.

This is when I look up to the heavens and I ask my great-grandma for some help. She used to come all the way from Co-Op City on the QBX-1 bus down to her old house in Corona where my mother and I lived in order to babysit me. If you have ever had a grandmother then understand that having a great-grandma is like putting the little 2 symbol next to the word grandmother. It’s like grandmother squared. The power of love gets all exponential and shit.

Well what do you know? PEDRO MARTINEZ is on the hill for what might be his final game of the season and I just happen to have a few ‘Vote For Pedro’ t-shirts left to bump off. GOD helps those that help themselves so I packed my little bag with t-shirts and made myself a sammy to smuggle into the game.

There’s nothing better than a pumpernickel bagel with Nova lox, cream cheese, tomatoes and a slice of red onion. That my friends is good eating.

There’s also nothing better than having a birthday party with 50,000 festive people. I don’t know how many people actually showed up for the game, but it was way more folks than I could afford to buy drinks for to toast me. Even a few celebrities showed up too. Like this foine little cub reporter from channel 9 news. I forget ol’ girl’s name, and she had a little fatty too. She told her cameraman to take some pics of us because she didn’t trust my skills. Typical for a Black woman not to trust a brother just because he’s a sloppy, fat bum with flat pockets.

nicole johnson

Kiss me, I’m an iNternets Celebrity.

Just as an aside, BRENDA BLACKMON would have let me stick my tongue down her throat. And it was my birthday for crissakes!

nicole johnson

nicole johnson

Enough hi-jinks with the real world news celebrities I had t-shirts to bump if I was gonna be able to buy myself a ducat to get up in this piece. Time for me to get my true school hustle steez on.

People are whizzing by me at lightning speed. While flatfoots are on the patrol to knock anyone moving that illicit contraband (read: unlicensed merchandise that MLB isn’t getting a cut off). I’m smooth though because this is some shit that I did when the heat was really on. R.I.P. BAR-KIM and 101st and Northern Boulevard. Take a look for yourself…

So after my work was all sold I put my paper right back into the community by hitting off a scalper for a one-piece.

At first I was like “Hell no!” since the date on the ticket said June 28, 2007 but then dude reminded me how his shit was 100 because the game tonight was a makeup joint from earlier in the summer. Yeah, he was right.

The St. Louis Cardinals were in town for a one night stand. Maybe we could get us a little get-back from last years’ NLCS, although even a win tonight can’t deny the Cards their World Championship so whatever.

My seat was supposed to be in the upper deck of Shea Stadium and I will tell you a true story in that I haven’t sat up there since my homey ViceGrip’s moms took us to a game when DAVE KINGMAN was still on the team.

Fuck what my ticket says, I’m sitting on the field level in a box seat behind the Mets dugout because that is how I enterprise my lifestyle. Y’all should do the same too. Ghetto Big Mac your lifestyle nah’mean?!? Don’t just settle for ketchup. Put some special sauce on your shit. I politicked myself through the security at the field level and then found an open seat, and when these Italian niggas sitting next to me looked at me funny I looked right back at them. Indignant ignorance is a DP trademark.


Besides, the Mets needed me up front for encouragement and support, and as you might imagine I am one of the greatest hecklers of all time who can keep it funny and keep it G-Rated for the ladies and the kids. BLU CHEEZ is for the childrens.

No amount of encouragement would save the Mets on this evening however, and I unfortunately made more noise than the home teams’ bats could. I was even tempted to start the wave in the latter half of the game, and the final two frames found me wearing my OG fitted in rally cap mode all to no avail. At the end of the game St. Louis had once again bested my beloved Mets (yes eff you BYRON CRAWFORD), but at least I placed my vote on the only candidate that I believe in.



Crap Music Fantasy League Q4 Registration

Thursday, September 27th, 2007


What you wanna do? You wanna be a baller, brawler or shot caller?

It’s that time again to tally up the cRapper rosters for the final quarter of 2007. This is big dog status in the music biz time. You better have at least Fisty Scent and Ghey-Z on your squads boys and girls because those are the niggas that bring in the money during this time of the year.

It seems like the Kangaye luster is starting to wane now. Ha, I said Wayne. No Lil’ Wang to me saying Wayne, but you might want to have Lil’ Wang on your roster for this quarter too. That nigga IS the best cRapper alive.

For those of you playing the cRap Music Fantasy league for the first time allow me to give you a quick guide to help you plot out your label’s roster of cRappers. Each player of the cRap Music Fantasy League is a record label owner. Each label has a roster of only eight(8) entertainers. You have to select one(1) R&B sanger and at least one(1) female cRapper. As a label owner you may select ANY cRappers you choose to be on your label, but choose your cRappers smartly based on their likelihood of producing points for your label during the 4th quarter (October 1 – December 31, 2007).

The way that cRappers score points in the cRap Music Fantasy League is of course by the traditional methods of releasing records, selling those records, creating music videos and other noteworthy press events like awards and citations. Because our game deals with the cRap music aspect of entertainment your artists can score points in other ways as well. By being arrested, indicted and convicted of crimes your cRappers can earn points for your label. If your artist appears on Oprah your label scores points too. Heaven forbid any artist should get merc’ked during quarter 4, but if one does while they are part of your label you get a whole lot of points. As the great J to the mwuah [ll] once said, “You know dead cRappers get better promotion.”

So here’s all you need to do to get started in the registration process of the cRap Music Fantasy League…

1) Create a name for your record label
2) Select your eight(8) individual artists
2a) Remember to have one(1) R&B artist, and at least one(1) female rapper

How simple is that? If you’re still a little confused then let some of the veterans of the game put in their selections so that they can show you how to do this son. The registration period ends on Sunday so bookmark this link and come thru later this weekend after you’ve gotten your mind right. Your registration will be confirmed by e-mail.

Oh and by the way, the winner of the cMFL gets a FREE pair of exclusive Nike kicks from DallasPenn Dot Com.


Your label may also score points if your cRapper receives an RIAA gold/platinum certification for a ringtone, or if he/she creates a YouTube dance craze.


Wednesday, September 26th, 2007


If everyone else were dead.

links from PMD fam


Wednesday, September 26th, 2007


GOD bless the little heart of ALEX 2.0.

She loves herself some ALICIA KEYS, place a No SHERYL SWOOPES[ll] on that last statement. She hates when I go in on ALICIA and her “partner” KERRY ‘Krucial Keys’. Truthfully I think it’s kind of progressive of them that KERRY has decided to take on ALICIA’s last name. We all know who brushes whose wig in this relationship. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t brush her wig either. ALICIA KEYS has got that tender, sweet fat on the back of her arms that every fine woman must have. I’m just not into the pegging game I’m sure she plays with KERRY. I call that shit the crying game. [ll]

The pics below show Ms. KEYS without her beard. No I meant that literally. She has a wild amount of razor bumps and ingrown hairs after shaving off her actual Levert-style beard. It looks like that ProActiv shit is worse than crack when you try to get off it cold turkey.

a keys

a keys

a keys

From the looks of some of these pictures ALICIA KEYS may have to get some tips from her beard KERRY on how to properly grow a beard. You know how dyke chicks love to rock chest hair and moustaches anyhoo.


Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

odd couple

Trust me, a diamond ring was given.

Read all bout rap music’s latest marriage over on BILLY SUNDAY’s column at XXL Mag Dot Com.

Oh yeah, Harris Publishing paid their light bill so their shit is back on and popping.