Archive for December, 2007

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

On Some Real Shit…

Tuesday, December 18th, 2007

viacon

This is the ‘Real Talk’ part of our programming…

Many of you know that there is a strike ongoing for the content creators of television and motion pictures. These writers are tired of the media conglomerates caking up ridiculously off their backsweat. There are all kinds of ways that corporations like Universal, Sony, Warner Brothers and Viacom re-purpose their work, but then also deny these folks the residuals that should be credited to them.

viacon

If Universal strikes a deal with an internets video provider to allow the online distribution of certain programming shouldn’t the creators of that programming receive monetary credit since Universal is charging the advertisers that attach their products to the online content?

Hell chea!

I ride with the writers all day every day not just because I want to be part of their fraternity one day, but because these people individually do more for the American economy and way of life than the corporations do. Fuck around and see if Viacom doesn’t outsource rap music from Pakistan when they find a revenue stream for Hindurabic ringtones.

viacon

Corporations are being mismanaged by AYN RAND disciples and that bitch had a heart colder than a prostitute during winter in Siberia. The new phrase I would like you all to ingest and memorize is ‘COMPASSIONATE CAPITALISM’. I’m tired of the notion that capitalism must squeeze the lifeblood out of everyone EXCEPT the capitalists. At some point there won’t be anything left and who will pick up the pieces when things fall apart?

Some of my folks decided to watch ‘Saturday Night Live’ last weekend since they never get to watch it regularly even after I had just gifted them the ‘Orange County’ DVD. Their behavior was directly counterintuitive to the writer’s strike and when Universal colludes with the cable television providers and establishes that their viewership remains strong this prolongs the strike. Don’t be like these people. Kill your television until the strike is resolved.

As a matter of fact, kill your television forever. The iNternets Celebrities are the future of broadcasting, and you are all iNternets Celebrities in my book.

viacon

Posted in Black Bullshit, HUFF YOU!, iNternets Celebrities, Social Upheaval, T.O.N.Y., Wig Owners | 11 Comments »

Wack Entertainment Television 2008…

Tuesday, December 18th, 2007

bet

Here’s a quick peek at some of Black Entertainment Television’s upcoming programming for 2008.

With the near demise of Hip-Hop and the lackluster Blackluster viewership of BET’s jazz programming there is a new show for the 106th and Park crowd that live in the Appalachians (satellite TV bitches). The Ebony Hillbillies are sparking a grassroots movements from Saratoga Avenue to Stone Mountain.


How about a game show on B.E.T.? The producers at DPTV have developed a fun program that is educational as well. ‘Nah’ Mean?!?’ is the brand new game show that follows Black people around and tries to figure out what the fuck they are saying. Win prizes like fried chicken snack boxes and forty ounce malted beverages. If you want to be a winner at ‘Nah’Mean?!?’ you need to brush up on your Jig Words.

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Black Bullshit, Ghetto Celebs | 7 Comments »

THE DP DOT COM GUEST ROOM: 5 BLACK MALE HAIRSTYLES

Tuesday, December 18th, 2007

ebony3

Editor’s note: Today’s Guest Room drop comes from GORDON GARTRELLE at the website We Are Respectable Negroes. Without a doubt, this is the important information that AL GORE created the internets for.

5 Black Male Hairstyles And What They Say About Those Who Wear Them
This Friday Five was inspired by Billy Sunday’s classic “Guide to Black Women’s Hair.”

You know the old adage—women assess a man’s status by examining his shoes? That bit of advice isn’t as useful as it used to be. Grad school has made me broke as a joke, yet I own pairs of Gucci and Prada shoes (they were gifts); a guy in baby blue gators once begged me for money on the street; and I know a few guys who are pulling down six figures, but wear busted Pro Keds. Plus, the popularity of throwback kicks has leveled the field, so it’s more difficult than ever to gauge a man’s personality and life chances by looking at what he wears on his feet. Thus, many women have shifted their focus from toe to head. As a public service to the few black women who don’t already know this stuff, I thought that I’d relay what I’ve learned about what certain hairstyles reveal about the black men who rock them. This knowledge comes from observing brothers 1st hand as well as from “conversating” with black women.

1.) Box

box

Look, I understand that our African brothers and American negroes from age 45 on tend to be a little behind fashion-wise, so I cut them a little slack. But if you are a black man in America and you are relatively young, there’s absolutely no excuse to have a box.

Says:

  • a. I am square… Literally
  • b. I do not know many young black people;
  • c. I do not date young black women (or, more likely, they don’t date me).

    • 2.) Curl

    curl

    Here’s my question: Do chefs with jheri curls need extra thick hats to prevent the paper from becoming transparent, disintegrating, and catching on fire?

    Says:

  • a. I have a weak sense of smell;
  • b. I own several extra pillowcases.

    • 3. Shag

    shag

    Ah, the Shag(adelic). Though the shag and the mullet are brothers from another mother, the former doesn’t quite have the ironic appeal for black people as the latter has for white folks. But the shag is an enduring negro hairstyle that’ll be around 50 years from now. I’m not sure we can say the same for the mullet.

    Says:

  • a. I can’t stand to have a cold neck;
  • b. I own all of the Commodores’ albums.

    • 4.) Process

    process

    I can understand why black women spend a fortune to chemically scorch their scalps and go bald by 40. Few are happy to be nappy, and they need that promotion at work, right? What on earth would possess a man to fry his wig, though?

    Says:

  • a. I am somewhat effeminate;
  • b. I will try to sell my woman to my friends before I get a job.

    • 5.) Unkempt cornrows

    cornrows

    Not a fan of cornrows, but if you’re gonna wear em, keep em tight.

    Says:

  • a. my woman is busy servicing another guy;
  • b. my cell mate is busy servicing another guy.

    • Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Black Bullshit, Ghetto Celebs, H.A.M., Hollyweird, iNternets Celebrities, Jig Lit Review, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, The Guest Room, When I Reminisce..., Wig Owners | 15 Comments »

    PIMP CUP PLAYOFFS…

    Monday, December 17th, 2007

    pimp cup

    What good are the internets for if we can’t come together and aggressively debate nonsense?

    To that extent I thought I should introduce a new feature to this site where we highlight the spirit of competition and achievement. One of the greatest attributes of Hip-Hop has been its ability to reconfigure the meanings of word. Bad now equals good, while nigger now means tomato, or some other sort of vegetable.

    The word pimp formerly referred to a predatory confidence person who would intimidate and terrorize young women into becoming prostitutes for him. The new Hip-Hop meaning for the word pimp refers to someone who utilizes their charisma in order to convince the system of capitalism to subsidize their lifestyle. In this manner the pimp makes capitalism work for him, instead of the other way around.

    I think you folks will catch on to this shit once we get underway. Let’s go in…

    bond

    JAMES BOND
    Some of you might consider James Bond the ultimate pimp since he had the British government tricking on his expense account with not just the ultimate in five star accomodations, but also with, er, yeah, accoutrements. Bond always had a mean piece of foreign poontang on his arm and a gun with a silencer in the other hand. Money was no exception since he had the British goverrnment bankrolling his moves. You know the Brits lent money to GOD to pay off his college loan right?

    James Bond has crashed more expensive Italian sportscars than ALLEN IVERSON. He always comes out with a crazy gadget that somehow shoots bullets. I think that is the reason why everyone loves Bond so much. He is the symbol for virility. What exotic piece of tail hasn’t been with James Bond? From luxurious Mediterranean meat to prophylactic Persian poontang, Bond has seen it all. Dude even caught an STD in Brazil just to say that he went there.

    Here’s the tale of the tape for James Bond…

    bond JAMES BOND

  • Over 20 motion pictures grossing $10B worldwide
  • Portrayed by eight(8) diffferent actors
  • Product placement deals for BMW, Aston Martin and Bentley automobiles. Rolex and Omega watches
  • Automatic handgun with silencer
  • Unlimited expense account
  • exotic female companions – Pussy Galore, Plenty O’Toole
  • Off the rack tuxedos

    		•

    James Bond looks like a runaway favorite until you consider this James…

    captain

    CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
    While James Bond’s international pimp hand was undeniably strong how can any of you front on the intergalactic pimp prowess of Starfleet captain James T. Kirk? Here is a man that took pimping to the outer rim(no 2girls1cup) and back again. Forget hairpin turns and high speed chases, this man was traveling at warp speed factor 9. That’s faster than light bitches.

    By the time Kirk comes on the scene in the 23rd century there won’t be too many Black folks left. There’s a blind Ten Speed and Brownshoe and another brother with a turtle shell on his forehead, and one super-fine chocolate sister. Rumor has it that Kirk teleported to Uhuru’s Uranus. You can’t knock this man’s hustle either. If it has at least one vagina Kirk is gonna try to smash it. He was hitting stuff no matter what the color. Black chicks could get the captain’s stick like good money. Kirk was even smashing action the color of money. Green-skinned, antennae having broads got it too.

    While Bond rocked some gadgets that were borderline absurdist fantasy the entire crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise were the first cats on the streets with the flip phones. James Bond could certainly bust off with his silencer equipped Beretta, but who is fucking with a phaser that could straight vaporize niggas?

    Like my homey The John said, “Anybody can bag broads wearing a tuxedo, try scooping up the ladies wearing tight wool pants and some go go boots.” True.

    kirk JAMES T. KIRK

  • Billions of dollars generated by the Star Trek franchise
  • Portrayed by only one actor(regettably)
  • Inspiration for electronic products such as laptops, PDA’s and cellphones, notably the Motorola Star-Tac
  • phaser gun with stun and disintegration capabilities
  • The 24th century bitches
  • exotic female companions – Elaan (extra-terrestrial), Rayna Kapec (android)
  • Middle name is Tiberius

    		•

    Posted in Black Bullshit, Fanboy Ish, Hollyweird, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, The Addict, When I Reminisce..., Wig Owners | 13 Comments »

    DP Dot Com Football Pool Wk. 15

    Monday, December 17th, 2007

    miami

    So Miami isn’t going to go winless this season?

    Do you think RAY LEWIS is somewhere in Miami stabbing someone to death as we speak?

    I’ll also wager that Alex2.0 came pretty close to blowing a complete stranger. She really, REALLY goes in hard for the ‘Phins.

    The DP Dot Com Football Pool is all over the place. There are two more weeks to play with a veritable logjam [ll] at the top of the scoreboard. Here are my unofficial adjustments to the Top 10 poolers…

    DubbleUP 114
    Patriot Games 113
    Are1 110
    bears rule 109
    alex2.0_is_stuck_in_neutral 108
    BurDenDer 108
    Furiou$tylez & BadNewsBears 108
    Zilla Rocca 107
    Hello Belize 106
    53 Centers 104
    Desert Sole 104
    Godson Across the Belly…iFux 102

    There are several poolers that are in the 90-100pt range as well and they are all mathematically still in the contest so don’t stop making your picks. You don’t want these free sneakers to just fall into anyone’s hands do you?

    Posted in Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Fashion Faux Pas, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Sneaker Fiends United, Sports are Gay | 3 Comments »

    « Older Entries
    Newer Entries »