Perfect for hooking up with a pro-civil rights, vegetarian, spoken-word loving MLK Jr. weekend jumpoffs…
Or just hearing some good music.
Archive for January, 2008
GIL-SCOT HERON Performing Live MLK Weekend…
Friday, January 18th, 2008HAPPY M.L.K. WEEKEND from WILLIAM X. SUNDAY
Friday, January 18th, 2008
Hands down, the sexiest weekend of the year is the MARTIN LUTHER KING Jr. weekend. I know what your thinking… WEEKEND?!? And yes, weekend! Once Arizona accepted the federal holiday we Black people officially exhaled and decided to take the whole weekend off. From Friday until Monday evening Black folks will honor the M.L.K. legacy by doing some of the things that have made MARTIN LUTHER KING Jr. a legend and a hero in the global community.
We will be having sex. Hot, freaky, extra-marital, inter-racial sex. Because of O.J. Simpson’s crazy ass, M.L.K. weekend is the only window of opportunity I have now to have sex with white women. The best thing about M.L.K. weekend is that Black women willingly let their men ‘step out’. I never truly understood the reason. I thought that was done as a representation of the humble and long suffering Mrs. CORETTA SCOTT KING, but I soon found out that sisters weren’t being as angelic as Mrs. KING. Sisters were stepping out too.
One time I got my swerve on with my buddy’s sister, and I knew her boyfriend too. Because of my close friendship with her brother it was an almost incestuous annual relationship. We really enjoyed each other too, but we knew it couldn’t last and that it would only hurt the feelings of those we cared about. We did share each other’s company for two years straight at the Liberty Inn Motel on West 14th Street(hourly rates players). One night was after the legendary Sunday night party at CLUB N.V. and the following year was the nightcap after the Sunday soiree at LOTUS.
One important thing to remember is that you do not want to pick up any phone numbers. M.L.K. weekend is for straight up jumpoffs. If it doesn’t pop off by Monday nite, forget about it. The brothers will be back in church by Tuesday night for the Hattie Suggs missionary committee meeting while the sisters will be attending the organizational meeting for the Women’s Day committee. Oh well, players there’s always next year. As always the official credo of liars and cheaters is also in effect, so whatever happens during M.L.K. weekend stays in M.L.K. weekend.
RAPPERS ON ‘ROIDS…
Friday, January 18th, 2008
Just when I thought that ROGER CLEMENS was going to get a taste of nigger-dom, up jumps the boogey(man) to steal away the attention. Rap music’s worst kept secret, that artists are using steroids, has been thrown on the front page of entertainment websites. Everyone already assumed that Busta Rhymes was juicing because he could no longer seem to control his emotions publicly. He was beating up fans for asking for autographs and he even put the smack down on one of his staffers. Too bad that steroids doesn’t make you want to tell the truth. The murder of Busta’s weedcarrier still remains unsolved.
This shit makes me think that we are living in an era where ALL our perceptions are slightly skewed because steroids may have been used.
Housing stocks were improperly inflated due to steroids and this caused lenders to distribute more funds than the consumer market could handle.
Saddam Hussein was giving steroids to his short range missiles and this made them appear to be larger and more potent than they actually were.
That summer storm was hopped up on HGH when it ripped through the Gulf of Mexico.
Okay, I can’t prove for sure if any of those things were the case, but by looking at the photographs of BARRY BONDS enlarged head[ll] other people have established probable cause so I’m just putting that out there.
What this means for rap music is that all the dramatic sales figures established by FISTY SCENT are prah’lee inflated due to steroids. Someone needs to go to Wikipedia and place an asterisk on the Fifty Cent entry. Marc Ecko, do your thing.
And by comparison we need to put in the proper perspective the number of records sold and awards won by Timbaland-produced projects. I’m now re-considering my Rock and Roll Hall of Fame vote for Timbaland as best producer since his numbers are no longer real. Maybe I’ll give the JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE album an asterisk as well.
I’m not surprised that TYLER PERRY used steroids to add to the fan base of his films. How else do you bring the chitlin’ circuit to the silver screen? But MARY…
MARY J. BLIGE is the queen of the ghetto. Don’t nobody ever better come here and say something sideways about MARY J. We don’t even know if she received her shipment. It was addressed to Marlo Stansfield. For all I know them niggas on ‘The Wire’ are using the HGH and that is why their show is so popular.
Don’t nobody better say nothing bad about MARY J.
The following links have been tested and approved by ALLAN SELIG and DONALD M. FEHR
The Assimilated Negro: Baseball Has Steroids, Hip Hop Has Weed
Status Ain’t ‘Hood: Why Would Musicians Use Steroids?
illdoctrine.com: Why Rappers Need Steroids
G.O.A.T. Classic Rap Jam Cage Match…
Thursday, January 17th, 2008
Today’s drop is co-produced by the good peoples over at UNKUT. Preserving Hip-Hop one IP address at a time.
*Also check out OhWord as they drop the science on their 2007 swagger*
The idea was previously presented by 40 Diesel that LL Cool J’s LP version of ‘Rock The Bells’ is arguably the G.O.A.T. rap jam. The overall length of the song and the verbosity combined with braggadocio lends credit to this argument. LL is an absolute beast on this track as he rhymes for over seven minutes. Another rap song of this length has not been recorded since with a single artist performing all the lyrics.
It was over twenty years ago that my mother began her career as a public school teacher. She taught special education classes throughout Brooklyn and Queens. At the Queens School For Career Development she had a student who claimed to be the real author for ‘Rock The Bells’. My mother didn’t believe him because he lied about everything else. It turns out the kid was right after all when my mom showed me the article in the newspaper where her student finally settled up with LL.
Let’s face it, LL was too pretty to be that good of a lyricist. Whoever wrote his shit must have been ugly as hell. Those are traditionally the best lyricists in the game. Think of Cyrano de Bergerac. That motherfucker was uglier than Medusa, but he could get a chick to peel off her pants like wrapping paper. Speaking of rapping… Who is the G.O.A.T.? Jay-Z is certainly ugly as fuck and arguably the greatest rapper of all time. B.I.G. was notoriously ugly and he was also effing great. It takes a little more than being ugly.
Kool G Rap is definitely as ugly as the ugliest rappers of all time, but Kool G Rap spit his lyrics at over 100mph with no brakes and a LISP! That has to rank G Rap at or near the absolute top of the rap immortals pantheon. It’s the equivalent of being a professional athlete while missing an appendage. Just as an aside, bigg up to JIM ABBOTT.
*Now this nigga could’a used some steroids, or some HGH, or some fucking stem cells to grow his hand back. But I digress…
When considering Kool G Rap for possible G.O.A.T. status we have to consult with one of the premier Hip-Hop fans of all time. There are no details contained in the cosmology of Hip-Hop that occurred between 1985 and 1995 that escape the knowledge of professor Dr.UnKut ROBBIE ETTLESON. Especially when concerning the legendary career of Kool G Rap you must consult the vast archives of UnKut. The song that we are delivered as the manifesto of G Rap’s dominance is the track ‘Men At Work‘.
The song clocks in a little over five minutes with 932 total words and 54 polysyllabic terms. Listening to Kool G Rap is an exercise in touching the rewind button. Without question this is the greatest machine gun spit in the history of Hip-Hop. ‘Men At Work’ certainly sits next to ‘Microphone Fiend’ and ‘Rock The Bells’ as nominees for the G.O.A.T. title. For even more clarity on Kool G Rap’s incredible lyrical prowess listen to some acappella verses of ‘Men At Work’. One word – FIYAH!!!!
Colorado’s Kicking Politricks by MAXINE
Thursday, January 17th, 2008
Editor’s note: MAXINE reps for the home team with this drop. Boulder stand up! Only in a lawless state would the politician be allowed to openly physically assault the press
And if you feel me put your hands up (hood)
My hood niggas can you stand up (I’m So Hood)
If you not from here you can walk it out,
And you not hood if you don’t know what I’m talkin ’bout
(DJ Khaled featuring T-Pain – ‘I’m So ‘Hood’)
Fuck with Douglas Bruce. I dare you. I double dare you to walk up on that motherfucker and ask him a question. Any question. Go ahead, say one thing to him he doesn’t like, you piss ass motherfuckers. Who said cats from Colorado was soft? He wakes up in the morning, just to slap a bitch. What you know about that El Paso county? You don’t know NOTHING! Douglas Bruce. You don’t tell him, he tells you!! Crab ass bastards!
Douglas Bruce is a politician from Colorado Springs, CO but the reason you know who he is, and the reason I’m writing about him today is because he’s the only cat about that real business. He’s the Lil Wayne of the Colorado political game. Wayne will murder babies, Bruce will kick the shit out of you for attempting to take his picture ( It’s also widely speculated that he’s schizophrenic but it could just be the Easter pink Sprite). He don’t give a fuck. His crazy ass went to jail in 1995 for eight days on a contempt of court citation after going off on a judge who was condemning him about the unkempt properties he owned.
That boy Shawn Corey didn’t smack the shit out of the inspector that gave his 40/40 club a failing grade. Kanye didn’t shove the paparazzo that showed up to his crib, and Bow didn’t take the opportunity to cuff Toure when he was talking slick out his mouth. My point? Your favorite rappers (I know Bow Wow is a stretch, but walk with me) ain’t got shit on that cat Doug Bruce from the Rocky Mountain State.
How many of you are willing to kick out the knee cap of a complete and total stranger for getting it wrong? Try it, walk into the Starbucks tomorrow morning and grab the Barista up in his collar for putting too much foam in your Venti Chai. Throw a carton of eggs across the conveyor belt in the Trader Joe’s. Stupid ass bag boys. Asking you if you want paper or plastic. This is 2008, don’t ask stupid ass questions!
Douglas Bruce laid leather to ass on Monday January 14th because a photographer from the Rocky Mountain News took his picture during the morning prayer. Bruce reportedly asked the photographer not to take his picture during the pledge of allegiance. Said photographer thought it’d be a good idea to snap his pic while his head was bowed in reverence of a loving and merciful God. Bruce took offense to this and went ballistic. According to Bruce, it was disrespectful to have one’s picture taken during prayer. Eh, I can kind of dig it. I mean, Jesus did say get into your closet and pray where no one can see you right? Loosely speaking but you get the point.
Conspiracy theorist that I am, I think Mitt Romney gave that cat some money and a bottle of pills and said, “Go, be free, wherever thy feet will take you!” Douglas Bruce is gearing up for Michigan too you see. Mitt Romney is not doing well in the polls people. That half-dead John McCain is calling his bluff all over the place and it’s not looking good. Romney’s people are
sick of being torn down for “negative attack ads” They got together and said, “You want attacks? We’ll give you attacks!”
When asked about the incident, Bruce chose to quote John 8:32 as an answer. You know, the one about the truth setting one free. With the Republican primary in Michigan underway and Romney struggling in the polls, Republicans need a swift kick in the ass if the religious right, the ones with the power anyway are going to make some headway. Sorry McCain fans, but he ain’t gonna win. It’s just not happening. Mitt Romney’s soldiers are afoot.
The weak or the strong, who got it goin’ on?